Punch: Punch (81.1881)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [November 19, 1881.

THE FUTURE OF INOCULATION.

Customer. " My Nephew is just starting for Sierra Leone, and i thought
i could not make him a more useful present than a dose of your best
Yellow Fever. Would you tell me the Price, please?"

Chemist. ""Well, Ma'am, the Germs are so difficult to cultivate in
Europe, that i would advise your waiting for the next West Indian
Mail, when I am expecting a nice fresh consignment from St. Thomas.
Meanwhile we would recommend our half-guinea Traveller's Assort-
ment of the six commonest ZyMOTICS, and could add MOST of the tropical

Diseases from stock at Five Shillings each. We have some nice Asiatic
Cholera, just ripe, but they are more expensive."

SMIKE'S STORY.

[The Special Committee appointed by the London School Board, met to inquire into
the charges brought by Mrs. Surb. against the Management of St. Paul's Industrial School,
Burdett Boad, Limehouse, which, among other things, included excessive punishment;
cruel treatment; insufficient food and clothing ; defective education; starvation.]

".No ! I ain't nobody's darlin—I've 'ooked it from Dotherbuoys Hall,
I'm frozen and ragged and starvin', but I ain't a done nuffin at all.
I've only 'ooked it, 'cause w'y ? 'cause I took the fust chance as I got;
'Cause w'y ?—now I puts it to you, would ye like your own kiddie to rot
Of a 'orrid disease 'e cotched by 'unger, and dirt, and cold ?
If you'd got a young kid as yes fond on, no more nor some ten year old,
With eyes like the skies of 'eaven, and 'air like a piece of gold,
Would ye like to see him stealin' the poor dog's dinner, or bread
Wi' the aid of a common pitchfork, or 'ave no softer bed
Than the hard bare boards of a storeroom, with a pal lyin' next him, dead ?
Would ye like to see 'im 'andcuffed, or trailin' a chain at his feet,
Like a common criminal 'waiting the death the law finds meet ?
Or locked in a dungeon on bread and water, deprived of God's light,
There to shiver and jabber, where the day's just blacker nor night ?
Would you like to see him in winter, washing his sheets and rags
In icy cold water, standin' without shoes or stockins on flags ?
Could you bear to see 'im punished for another boy's fault, and not groan,
That is, if your kid had his mother's eyes, or, pardon me, Sir, your own ?
I asks yer pardon, yer 'onor, for liken myself to your son ;
I forgot for a minit as I is wot we calls ' a regler 'un.'

Ain't they taught me no trade ? Not they ! they never

taught me no good
'Cept lyin' and stealin', and drawin' water and choppin'

wood!

You look in my eyes as if doubtin' if I ain't a lyin' to you,
But I wish I may die this minit if every word ain't true.
I've often wished I might die as I lay wide awake o'
night,

So tired and 'ungry and cold, though I felt somehow it
warn't right.

Give us a tanner, your 'onor, to pay for a four D. doss,
And a bit of somethin to eat, for you 'U never feel its loss ?
I'm famished with cold and 'unger, I ain't turned a

copper to-day,
An all as I's eat was a bit o' stale the baker was pitchin'

away.

God bless ye an thank ye, yer 'onor, when ever yer up
in town,

I '11 call ye a handsom or growler, and never charge ye a
brown.

An if ever ye see the Q,tjeen, for I'm sure as she ain't so
cru'l,

Tell her to send us to prison—but not to a 'Dustrial
School

As long as a crossin' wants sweepin', or a 'orse to be 'eld
in the town,

As long as there 's puddles to sleep in, or a river in which
to drown.

' The Coppers ' ain't werry perticler, and they cuffs us,

and makes us cry,
But they ain't so 'ard-'arted as teachers of morrils and

books, says I."

SCHOOL BOARD AGAIN.

Deer Mr. Punch,

I ave red in yoor videly sukklelated Junnel a
letter from a Yest end Cabby all about Byskles and Beeks
and Skool Bords in all vich Brother Cabby as it the nail
on the ed. Barrin one bit of cheek an they doesn't want
for cheek in the Yest end, in vich he says he druv the
best oss in Ammersmith. Now Mr. Punch I aint prowd,
but Id back my oss agin hisn for a fiver and you shall
be humpire and old the stakes and the vinner shall stand
you summat werry short for your pains. Im blest if
this aint a fair hoffer and I spectfully awaits yur reply.

But I av summat to say about this ere Skool Bord as veil
as Bruther Cabby. He says as ow he as a chap as the
Skool Bord wont allow to work and the Beek wont send
to skool and the chansis is hed grow up to be a wag-
gerbone and cum to be hanged. Now 3fr. Punch my
perdikament iswuss for I ave a gal twixt 13 and 14 an if
she mustnt go to work or go to skool or help the old
ooman to nuss the young childrun at ome what the
dickins is she to do P Dont ye see Mr. Punch its a more
kritikaler age for a gal than a boy. As farther of a famly
yesself you knows all that without goin into more per-
tiklars. Yell a lad may kick over the traycis a bit and
yit turn out a steddy goer arter all. Ive knowd many
sich. But a poor gal if she once [does any think amiss—
God help her thats all I got to say and you Mr. Punch
will say amen.

Brother Cabby is quite rite. Them Parliment chaps
are allays a jawin about us poor folks, but they know
nothink at all about us. Yy should they ? They've
lots to eat and drink, and Skool Bord man dont keep
knockin at the door to ax their missuses vy Masr
Tommy or Miss Annie dont go to school, and threaten to
sell em up if they dont. Oh, no, they keeps them deli-
kit attenshuns for the likes o us. Brother Cabby says
things will nivir cum rite till we gets into Parlement, he
means to insinuate that he hisself would be the rite
man in the rite place, and 1 m blowed if I dont give him
my vote nex elexshun. We aint allowed, wich is a sin
and a shame, to ave even a pot o beer for our vote.
Not but leastways 111 be drew to the Poll in an ansom.
And then I xpex weel ave somethink done about rent,
as they does in Hireland. I pays six bob a week for my
ouse, and sixteen bob a day for my cab, an they tells me
that gin we wer in Hireland, and went afore the big-
wigs, theyd let us off a haf,_ ay, or more. Yy should
these ere Hirish chaps ave it all their own way, Ive
heerd say Charity begins at ome, but I dont see it.

Cabby over the Watter.

From the Pigg and Whizzle, Bermundsy.