Punch: Punch (81.1881)

254

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 3, 1881.

HELEN OF WALDECK.

A Song for the Royal Betrothal.

Helen of Waldeck! Say what rhyme
Best may hymn the betrothal time.
Once a Prince, in fortunate hour,
Came to woo at Arolsen tower ;
"Wooed and won, and then rode away,
Leaving his love behind, men say.
Princess Helena, fast you hold
All the heart of our Leopold !

Helen of "Waldeck ! Thou hast won
England's cultured and student son ;
His the part that his father took,
Earnest ever at desk and book ;
His to rule with an eager heart
Over the wide domain of Art;
Thine to aid like a loyal wife,
All that's best in a husband's life.

Helen of Waldeck ! When our strand
Welcomes thee from the Fatherland,
When all the last farewells have rung
On thine ears in the Teuton tongue,
Trust us, thou wilt never repine
Leaving the land of haunted Rhine.
Here is a greeting, frank and free,
"Waiting thee, Princess, over sea !

Medical Carlyle.

Everybody will rejoice to hear that the decease of
Sir George Sartobius, Admiral of the Fleet, aged
ninety-one, lately reported, is a canard. By the latest
account, the venerable Admiral, though he had not
quite recovered from an attack of illness, was improving
daily. Health speedily restored to Admiral Sabtorius,
may his recovery reflect credit on his medical at-
tendants in constituting a splendid case of Sartorius
Sesartus.__

What ! Jamais ?

There is something in a name sometimes. The Com-
mander of the garrison at Sfax is, it appears, one Colonel
Jamais. Think of the saving of time and notepaper that
BEHIND THE SCENES. might be effected at the critical moment when the garrison

is called upon to surrender. All the Colonel has to do is
Head Barmaid. " These Tarts are quite stale, Miss Hunt—been on the write his name on a slip of paper and hand it to messenger
Counter for a Fortnight! Would you mind taking them into the If the request was likely to be repeated more than once,
Second-Class Refreshment-Room ?" he might have his signature Sfax-similied.

YEEY LIKE A WAIL.

[The Leeds Mercury believes that the Government have decided not to
attempt this year to deal with the water-supply of the Metropolis.]

I 'm very fond of water, but it's really sad to know,

The harmful stuff that's now supplied is likely still to flow ;

In vain I seek the liquid that contains no evil thing,

If not polluted in the pipes, 'tis poisoned at the spring;

'Twill drive me to take alcohol, for what's a man to do

Without a good and pure supply of limpid 0H2 ?

I've borne the London water long and known, whene'er I quaffed
The tumbler, that Gennarq-like I drank a Borgia draught;
I knew, no matter though it shone with effervescence fair,
That all the strange organic germs of fell disease were there ;
And still 1 risked my precious life and drank it morn and night,
And hoped to live to see the day when 'twould be pure and bright.

What matter though the potion reeked of deadly sewer gas,
Though mycrozymes and annelids were swarming in the glass ;
The IJaphtiia quadrangula, or festive water-flea,
With Cyclops quadricornis came, and all were dear to me ;
For I had hopes of cheerful draughts on some fine future days,
When London Water Companies would mend their sinful ways.

But now the future all is dark, and typhoid fever seems
A visitor we must expect—I see it in my dreams.
The cholera can not be long, 'twill come with all the rest,
And each zymotic dread disease will be a welcome guest:
For London Water Companies are unmolested still,
To let their fearsome fluid run and poison us at will.

PHILANTHROPIC MUSIC-HALLS.

When the old " Vic." was turned into a Music-Hail under the
management of a Company who endeavoured to combine benevolence,
amusement, temperance, and dividends, the great mistake was made
of not recognising the fact that to supplant existing institutions, you
must compete with existing institutions. "Within a stone's throw of
the place is an old-established Temperance Music-Hail, which they
will find it very difficult to beat either in coffee or amusement; at
all events, they have not done it as yet. Even the well-wishers of
the new Victorian Era of Music-Halls_ were disappointed by the
results, though they could not have anticipated any great success.
The Hall was more or less closed for a time, but it is now re-opened
with an entertainment which covers every night in the week and
Saturday afternoon, and in which too much appears to be sacrificed
for Thursday-night concerts that were started " under the patronage "
of Royalty.

"We are honestly interested in the real improvement of this class
of entertainment; and with a stage and building such as the New
" Vic." possesses, it ought, with judicious management, to be at the
head of the London Music-Halls. At present it most decidedly is
not. The programme before us states that there are " a thousand
seats at threepence," and " a thousand at sixpence," the other prices
ranging from a shilling to a guinea. On Thursdays sixpence extra
is charged for the eighteenpenny Stalls, and on Saturdays the stage-
door opens at 6"30, when threepence extra is charged for the privi-
lege, we suppose, of passing through it to the interior. This scale
of prices does not appear to us to be regulated by any peculiarly
philanthropic spirit, or by any great trading wisdom; and the
tl Committee," as we said once before, seem at present to be only
paving the New Cut with good intentions.