October 15, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

179

MORE LIGHT WANTED.

In these days of advancing
electricity, when gas is being
gradually ousted from its
strongholds in theatres, and
Germany has just spent a
couple of millions sterling in
underground telegraphic
wires, it would be as well to
know the name of the man
who first discovered the Elec-
tric light and the Electric
telegraph. A writer—Mr. B.
W. Richardson—in this
month's Gentleman's Maga-
zine gives the credit to a Mr.
Stephen Gray, who lived
and died in the last, century ;
and another writer—Dr. Japp
—in this month's Fraser gives
the credit of the telegraph, at
least, to two initials—C. M.—
which represented a man
living in 1753. The managers
of that Great Electrical Exhi-
bition, which is now turning
night into day in Paris, ought
certainly to settle this point
before they lay down another
thousand tons of machinery.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 53.

The Revenue and
" Fair-Trade."

"We have abused the '' Fair-
Traders " at various times, but
let us give them their due.
They have so frightened the
country by the mere hint of a
return to Protection, that coal
has risen, iron has risen, and
corn has risen, and even the
Revenue has risen. A few
more meetings, a few more
tracts, and a few more mis-
leading articles, and England
will probably be driven, by
sheer fear, into its normal
state of prosperity.

HIS GRACE THE DUKE OF HAMILTON, K.T.

" I'm Monarch of all I survey,

My Right there is none to dispute—■
Though that isn't quite what they say
In the parts about Arran and Bute."

A NAME OF REPROACH.

Gas, as a lighting agent, is
not much loved nor respected ;
and, as a name, it is synony-
mous with Impudence and
Rapacity. A gas-consumer in
Marylebone, who had deposited
one pound as a guarantee of
good faith, was threatened
with darkness because he owed
fifteen shillings for a quarter's
consumption, which the Com-
pany refused to pay them-
selves for out of the deposit.
Lighting himself with a Po-
liceman's bull's-eye, he found
a Magistrate — this time a
sensible Magistrate—and the
Company were snubbed, and
told they must supply their
yellow mixture till the deposit
was exhausted. No wonder an
extremely offensive person is
called " gassy."

The Chesterfield Sweep.

Chesterfield's Letters are
now again legible over Ches-
terfield's shop-fronts—so like-
wise are Chesterfield's num-
bers on Chesterfield's doors.
The authorities of Chesterfield
have contracted for and pro-
cured the illumination of their
town by means of the " Orion "
patent oil-gas lamps, and the
Brush Electric Light. It may
be advisable for over-grasping
Gas Companies to reflect that
there is a Brush with which
any Town Council can make a
clean sweep of them.

By Our Sunday School
Bored Boy.—Where did
Noah keep his bees ? In the
Archives of the family.

THE PHANTOM TREATY.

Sir Charles Whilke {pettishly). It is not easy to see why we were
dragged to Paris. As a " Commission" we have done nothing but
eat a few dinners, and have surrendered our position as Free-Trade
doctrinaires without gaining any substantial benefit.

M. Tirade. My dear Whilke, 1 will be perfectly candid with you.
You were brought to Paris for the benefit of Paris. How many
English " bagmen " have we examined ?

Sir C. TV. Several hundreds.

M. T. How many English have followed these bagmen ?
Sir C, TV. Probably a thousand.

M. T. Exactly. Fifteen hundred people staying a week in
Paris, and spending, on an average, four pounds a day each, give
more than forty thousand pounds for the benefit of Paris.

Sir C. W. On which side the Channel is the " Nation of Shop-
keepers " ?

M. T. My dear Whilke, we must deal with things as they are, and
not as we would wish them to be. Taxation is Robbery. Your
people prefer the " Stand, and deliver ! " system—the Income-Tax,
&c. ; ours prefer to have their pockets picked in a less direct manner.
We cook our food, and we cook our finance. We worship custom-
houses, and adore our octroi sheds.

Sir C. TV. These phrases will not satisfy Macclesfield and Sheffield,
or pacify Leeds and Bradford.

M. T. My dear Whilke, I am exceedingly sorry, but what can we
do ? Shall I get you a few decorations for your clerks and secre-
taries ?

Sir C. TV. [Reply not exactly fit for publication.]

An Old Gentleman who won't go near a Circus where there isn't a
Clown, will never venture within a mile of either Regent or Oxford
Circus.

THE GENTLE CRAFT.

{By Our Own Trout.)

How gentle is the fisherman who sits beside the
brook,

And firmly puts the wriggling worm upon the

pointed hook!
How pleasant for the hapless trout to find, from

some strange cause,
The fly conceals a something that makes havoc
with its jaws !

Dame Juliana Berners wrote a book, in which
she said

The blessing of St. Peter rests upon the angler's
head ;

She bid him not be " ravenous in taking game, "—I wish
She'd ever asked if he deserved the blessings of the fish.

We were a happy family, as merry as could be,
" Diversified with crimson stains," as Pope has said. Ah me !
There came the cruel fisherman, his flies had deadly gleam,
And not a soul remains but me to mourn within the stream.

What recked my little troutlets of the Palmers, Spinners, Duns,
They headlong rushed, and then got caught, my innocent young sons !
They 're cooked—excuse an old trout's tear !—but hard it is to feel
A monster's ta'en your family for matutinal meal.

The " honest angler," Walton, cried, and maundered night and day,
But Byron puts the matter in a very different way ;
He said that Isaac should have hook fixed firmly " in his gullet,"
And oh! that I might be the trout that he suggests should pull it!

French Dessert in Season.—War-nuts to crack.