DOI Heft:
April 19, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0197
April 19, 1884.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
191
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
Tuesday, April 8, 2 a.m.—Division on the Franchise Bill at last.
Comes after six days’ debate, and everyone agrees that there has
heen nothing to say. Gladstone made another speech. Commenced
hy complaining no arguments to meet, and went on through hour
looking for them. Goschen, who really had something strange to
say, took another hour. Conservatives delighted. Their own men
been rather praising up the Bill, though judiciously hedged hy pro-
mising to vote against it. Here was Goschen boldly opposing it, and
declaring he would vote against it!
“Capital speech,” said Gibson. “Closely argued, full of sound
principle. Only drawback, Goschen’s uncertainty as to whether
he ’s accidentally come out without his coat. Nothing can long con-
vince him that it is not only on, hut buttoned. Hasn’t got through
twenty sentences before begins feeling all up the front seams. Con-
tact with buttons convinces him. Then, suddenly, dark suspicion
enters his mind. Perhaps his coat ripped up the back ! Feels round
there. All right. Then begins earnestly washing his hands with
invisible soap in imperceptible water, as Shakspeare says. That
sets him off again. Theory of association of ideas ; always got his
coat off when he washes his hands ; washing his hands now : Argal,
coat must be off. Without waiting to dry his fingers, he makes a
dash up and down the front of his coat. No. All is well. Still on,
and yet buttoned. Once more comes horrible thought. Must, after
all, be split up the back. Feels himself all over. Reassured. Goes
on describing Democracy. Here again association of ideas comes in.
Democracy grimy handed ; grimy hands must he washed; so has
another thorough laundry performance. Doubts about coat, and so
on, da capo. Still, first-rate speech.”
Second Beading of Franchise Bill carried by tremendous majority,
340 for, 210 against. Lord Coleridge down to see fun.
“ Got any more of those little stories you brought from the
States ? ” I asked him.
“ No,” he said. “ Fact is (besides having told ’em all) given up
practice. Complaints from friends in America that it’s not quite
the thing to go into their society and bring away stories of them-
selves and their doings, their lives and their movements, their dress
recorded, their company catalogued, and their most private relations
dragged into the light of day. So no more stories from me.”
Wednesday, 1 a.m.—Last Sitting before the Easter Recess. Spun
out tiff now. Might just as well have adjourned after Morning
Sitting. But Parnellites implacable.
‘ ‘ Haven’t had a row for three days,” sighs Joseph Gillis,
“ House of Commons going from bad to worse.”
Joey B. radiant now. Long sitting morning and evening heen
pretty well a continuous row. First of all there was the Detection of
Dodds. That stern inflexible old Gentleman been getting out a
circular asking Members to vote for a Railway Bill on double ground
that his son is Solicitor for the Bill, and that Dodds pere is “ anxious
to defeat Mr. Lowther.” Difficult to say which inducement the
more attractive. House pleased to contemplate the implacable Dodds
in position of fond parent; but Truthful James inclined to take
serious view of affair. Randolph equally virtuous. Wolpp’s
spectacles dimmed with'indignation. Dodds penitent, but Randolph
inflexible, and he only escapes by narrow majority on Division.
Harcodrt brought in Government of London Bill in speech two
hours long. Thoroughly enjoyed himself, though pleasure of the
afternoon rather palled'upon the House. Daddy Dodds, worn out
with excitement, domestic and otherwise, of earlier part of sitting,
publicly went to sleep behind Treasury Bench.
At Evening Sitting Irish Members in force. Healy had row with
Speaker, in which he came off second best.
“You did that capitally, Sir,” I said to Speaker, shaking hands
as we left House. “ If you have a fault, you ’re. inclined to go too
much into detail in giving your rulings. Never give a reason ; never
refer to your own feelings or anybody else’s. You ’ve got the Rules
to go upon. Not your business to justify them. You’ve done
uncommonly well, especially to-night, and you ’ll do better.”
Business done.—House adjourns for Easter Recess. Best stroke
of Session. __
POETS TO ORDER.
“ Port A nascitur non fit." Nothing of the kind. We have
changed all that in the present practical days. See the following
advertisement from the Daily News :—
AMATEUR POETS.—All desirous of entering the ranks ot Profes-
sional Writers may hear of an excellent opportunity.—For particulars
send plainly-addressed envelope, &c.
There is something distressingly matter-of-fact and business-like
in “ for particulars send plainly-addressed envelope.” Probably
this gentleman has a selection of picked Poets and selected reach-
me-down rhymesters for his clients to choose from. Possibly we
shall hear of Lord Tennyson taking apprentices, and Mr. Browning
pupils after this. Sonnet-writing will become as commonplace as
stock-jobbing, and we shall he able to engage Poets at a certain
wage, just as we should a Cook or a Footman.
The Evil Genius in a Pantomime going down through a trap-door
may be described as “ A Sink of Iniquity.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
191
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
Tuesday, April 8, 2 a.m.—Division on the Franchise Bill at last.
Comes after six days’ debate, and everyone agrees that there has
heen nothing to say. Gladstone made another speech. Commenced
hy complaining no arguments to meet, and went on through hour
looking for them. Goschen, who really had something strange to
say, took another hour. Conservatives delighted. Their own men
been rather praising up the Bill, though judiciously hedged hy pro-
mising to vote against it. Here was Goschen boldly opposing it, and
declaring he would vote against it!
“Capital speech,” said Gibson. “Closely argued, full of sound
principle. Only drawback, Goschen’s uncertainty as to whether
he ’s accidentally come out without his coat. Nothing can long con-
vince him that it is not only on, hut buttoned. Hasn’t got through
twenty sentences before begins feeling all up the front seams. Con-
tact with buttons convinces him. Then, suddenly, dark suspicion
enters his mind. Perhaps his coat ripped up the back ! Feels round
there. All right. Then begins earnestly washing his hands with
invisible soap in imperceptible water, as Shakspeare says. That
sets him off again. Theory of association of ideas ; always got his
coat off when he washes his hands ; washing his hands now : Argal,
coat must be off. Without waiting to dry his fingers, he makes a
dash up and down the front of his coat. No. All is well. Still on,
and yet buttoned. Once more comes horrible thought. Must, after
all, be split up the back. Feels himself all over. Reassured. Goes
on describing Democracy. Here again association of ideas comes in.
Democracy grimy handed ; grimy hands must he washed; so has
another thorough laundry performance. Doubts about coat, and so
on, da capo. Still, first-rate speech.”
Second Beading of Franchise Bill carried by tremendous majority,
340 for, 210 against. Lord Coleridge down to see fun.
“ Got any more of those little stories you brought from the
States ? ” I asked him.
“ No,” he said. “ Fact is (besides having told ’em all) given up
practice. Complaints from friends in America that it’s not quite
the thing to go into their society and bring away stories of them-
selves and their doings, their lives and their movements, their dress
recorded, their company catalogued, and their most private relations
dragged into the light of day. So no more stories from me.”
Wednesday, 1 a.m.—Last Sitting before the Easter Recess. Spun
out tiff now. Might just as well have adjourned after Morning
Sitting. But Parnellites implacable.
‘ ‘ Haven’t had a row for three days,” sighs Joseph Gillis,
“ House of Commons going from bad to worse.”
Joey B. radiant now. Long sitting morning and evening heen
pretty well a continuous row. First of all there was the Detection of
Dodds. That stern inflexible old Gentleman been getting out a
circular asking Members to vote for a Railway Bill on double ground
that his son is Solicitor for the Bill, and that Dodds pere is “ anxious
to defeat Mr. Lowther.” Difficult to say which inducement the
more attractive. House pleased to contemplate the implacable Dodds
in position of fond parent; but Truthful James inclined to take
serious view of affair. Randolph equally virtuous. Wolpp’s
spectacles dimmed with'indignation. Dodds penitent, but Randolph
inflexible, and he only escapes by narrow majority on Division.
Harcodrt brought in Government of London Bill in speech two
hours long. Thoroughly enjoyed himself, though pleasure of the
afternoon rather palled'upon the House. Daddy Dodds, worn out
with excitement, domestic and otherwise, of earlier part of sitting,
publicly went to sleep behind Treasury Bench.
At Evening Sitting Irish Members in force. Healy had row with
Speaker, in which he came off second best.
“You did that capitally, Sir,” I said to Speaker, shaking hands
as we left House. “ If you have a fault, you ’re. inclined to go too
much into detail in giving your rulings. Never give a reason ; never
refer to your own feelings or anybody else’s. You ’ve got the Rules
to go upon. Not your business to justify them. You’ve done
uncommonly well, especially to-night, and you ’ll do better.”
Business done.—House adjourns for Easter Recess. Best stroke
of Session. __
POETS TO ORDER.
“ Port A nascitur non fit." Nothing of the kind. We have
changed all that in the present practical days. See the following
advertisement from the Daily News :—
AMATEUR POETS.—All desirous of entering the ranks ot Profes-
sional Writers may hear of an excellent opportunity.—For particulars
send plainly-addressed envelope, &c.
There is something distressingly matter-of-fact and business-like
in “ for particulars send plainly-addressed envelope.” Probably
this gentleman has a selection of picked Poets and selected reach-
me-down rhymesters for his clients to choose from. Possibly we
shall hear of Lord Tennyson taking apprentices, and Mr. Browning
pupils after this. Sonnet-writing will become as commonplace as
stock-jobbing, and we shall he able to engage Poets at a certain
wage, just as we should a Cook or a Footman.
The Evil Genius in a Pantomime going down through a trap-door
may be described as “ A Sink of Iniquity.”