Punch (86.1884)

226

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[Mat 10, 1884.

IN CONFIDENCE.”

Dining-Room, Apelles Club.

Diner. “Thomson, do the Members ask for this Wine?”
Head Waiter (sotto voce). “Not Twice, Sir !”

“ THE PROSPECTS OP ENGLISH LITERATURE.”

[The following letter, although received at this office, was seemingly intended for the
lively and amusing columns of our contemporary, the Pall Mall Gazette.—Ed. Pimch.\

To the Editor.

Sir,—Give us leave to handle in the briefest -■ possiblesunanner this topic, as
lately treated and commented on in your pages. We are more than surprised;
nay, we are absolutely astonished at the many omissions we have discovered in
the list of contemporary Authors that have been furnished by your contributors.
Let us give a few instances : —

Pray turn to Poetry. What finer Poet have we than Bobbs ? His Lunar
Lullabys will be remembered when the name of Tennyson is utterly forgotten.
And yet Bobbs, the accomplished Bobbs, has been overlooked. An outrage,
Sir—an outrage !

Then as to History. Take a hundred people from all parts of Europe indis-
criminately, and examine them as to their knowledge of the leading Chroniclers
of the passing times, and we will warrant you that nine-tenths of them will
point to Cobbs as the Historian of the period. And yet we find no mention
of Cobbs, the erudite Cobbs ! This should not be!

Come now to Fiction. At once the Author of Aunt Lucy's Needlecase will
occur to everyone. A man who could write such a novel may well be buried
with Thackeray and Dickens. Surely those who know his works would
willingly give him a grave in Westminster Abbey. And yet Dobbs, the fanciful
Dobbs, is absolutely ignored ! Oh, shame ! shame!

Turning to the Drama, matters are even worse. It might have been sup-
posed that his glorious, albeit unpublished, Tragedy of Pigius Porous the
Persian, would have saved him the indignity,—but no, Fobbs is passed over
like the rest! Surely this is a scandal, a disgrace ! If anyone deserves well of
his country, it is Fobbs, the constructive Fobbs. And yet Fobbs is entirely
forgotten ! Oh, the pity o’ it, the pity o’ it!

And now, having stated our grievance, we append our names, not for publi-
cation, but as a guarantee of good faith.

(Signed) Benjamin Bobbs, Charles Cobbs,

David Dobbs, and Frederick Fobbs.

The Butterfly Club, Pew Grub Street, S. TP.

GORDON IN THE GAP.

Into the hole that opened in the Forum
When Marchs Chetihs rode, armed cap-a-pie,
Down went below that crack young cockalorum ;

Rome’s chiefest opulence his horse and he.

The gulf closed o’er them ; that heroic chap
So sacrificed himself, but stopped the gap.

‘ ‘ Oh, what a friend at need in j ust the nick
Of time ! ” the Populus Romanus cried ;

“ How big a breach, repaired with what a brick ! ”
Sang the Quirites out oh every side.

And all the Senate voted him a trump,

For daring down that dreadful gulf to jump.

They were content. His self-devotion cost
Them not an as ; they nothing had to pay .

A hero by his leap was all they lost.

Because he gratis threw his life away,

All of his own accord, and at his sole
Expense, he threw himself into a hole.

Not quite as Chrtihs to a certain doom
Went Gordon, for, hemmed in by savage foes,
Though he is in a hole, too, at Khartoum,

.The hole did not at once above him close ;

And “ Yah ! ” the people to their Pculers shout,

“ Why don’t you send the means to help him out P”

Chrtihs not only dared to die, but died
Outright, to serve his country at a pinch.

Gordon has fate as gallantly defied,

And will no more from any danger flinch.

Do we too want the generous and the brave
To pay for all—and so the nation save ?

THE FIRST STAGE AND THE LAST.

Old Style.

Play—A Standard Comedy. Scene—A Room fur-

nished with two or three chairs and a table. Doors c.,
L., and R. Enter the Principals, and real acting com-
mences. Laughter. Appreciative Audience delighted,,
and go away in the best possible spirits.

New Sty'le.

Revival of Standard Comedy. Scene—Heavy set ar-
ranged to represent the interior of a mansion during the
latter portion of the last century. Stone mantelpiece, built
up at back of Stage. Real marble statues and pillars where
required for decoration. Furniture, china, and bric-a-
brac genuine. Old Masters (real) hanging to the wall.
Carpet secured from Hampton Court Palace. Tapestry
from the Gobelins Manufactory. Early mornmg. Lon-
don cries of the period represented ofi by descendants of
original criers. Maid-Servant of the period comes into
room yawning, and arranges furniture. She brushes out
the room with broom of the period. Old-fashioned Foot-
man in undress livery (copied from Hogarth) joins
housemaid. They open spinnet (real, borrowed from the
South Kensington Museum), and play the air of a gavotte
of the period. Baker interrupts concert with perfectly -
correct loaf. Other Servants enter, carrying trunks of
the period. They extinguish torches. They show one
another newspapers of the period. A Military band of
the period is heard to pass, playing Eighteenth-Century
tunes. Company of night-brawlers rush in (copied from
Hogarth), and are expelled by Watchmeniof the period.
Fresh Servants enter, in various costumes, suggesting a
household of untold wealth, and put things to-rights.
Little Chimney - Sweep of the period appears, sweeps
chimney, and disappears. It is now full daylight. Black
boy in turban, followed by poodle, crosses Stage, carrying
cup of chocolate for his Mistress. Valet comes from the
opposite side, bearing the Master’s hat and cane. Enter a
Professor of Fiddling, a Clergyman in bands, a swaggerer
with patch over his eye, a tailor, &c., each dress copied
from artistic authorities, they converse in dumb-show,
and exeunt, shown out by Valet. Then enter Principals.
Appreciative Audience waits for real acting to begin, and
having waited in vain, exeunt Appreciative Audience in
the worst possible humour.

What Ought to be Done with the Wellington
Statue ?—An Invincible writes, “Remove it.” Dr.
Camrron suggests, “ Cremate it.”