DOI Heft:
May 17, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0245
May 17, 1884.'
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
239
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S3ENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIART OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, May 5.—“ So you see, Toby,” said
Sir Stafford, “we’ve got rid of Randolph at last. Always sure
crisis would come. Often when he’s been standing at the corner
there, jibing at me, felt my blood boil. Longed to he at him ; all
Cross and Smith could do to keep me down in seat. Glad now to
reflect that I preserved command over myself.”
“ Yes,” said W. H. Smith, rubbing his hands nervously, “ always
felt we took the right course. ‘ Give him rope enough ’ ever my
maxim.”
“Quite true,” adds Grand Cross, pleasantly polishing his spec-
tacles, “though must say that once or twice, looking in after dinner
and finding him on his legs, ‘ viewing both Front Benches with strict
impartiality,’ as he impudently said, I felt inclined to go for him.
Could have settled him in single round when my blood was up. But
as Northcote says, best as it is. Might have given me personally a
lift, but everything for the Party, say I; no washing of dirty linen
on floor of House.”
“ I suppose he really is knocked over for good ? ” I asked.
“ Oh, dear me, yes,” says Sir Stafford, uneasily glancing over his
shoulder and thrusting arms up sleeve.
“ Oh dear me, yes,” echoed Cross and Smith.
Just then Randolph lounged in communing witn moustache.
Extraordinary effect upon victorious party. Sir S. Northcote sud-
denly grew limp, and brow clouded with look of agonised apprehen-
sion. W. H. Smith, strange pallor stealing over ruddy countenance,
looked straight over at opposite wall as if he saw a cockroach crawling
up it. Grand Cross abruptly absorbed in study of Orders.
“ It’s all very well for them to talk, you know, Toby,” Sir Staf-
ford tremulously whispered; “hut he’s a terrible fellow, and though
of course we’ve got him down now, nobody knows what might hap-
pen. He might instruct Gorst to impeach us; or he might order
Wolff to take me up on his back and carry me clean out of the
House. Nice sight that would be—me astride Wolff’s hack, and both
of us with our spectacles on! Wish he’d go away somewhere, and
leave us in peace.”
Business done.—Army Votes in Supply. Joseph Gillis spent very
pleasant evening bullying Hartington, and insisting upon replies.
Delightful to watch Hartington with hands in pocket on Treasury
Bench whilst J. G., with thumb in armhole of waistcoat, judiciously
cross-examined him. Give a plateful of chicken bones to have had
at that moment Hartington’s opinion of Joey B.
Tuesday.—At last in Committee on Franchise Bill. First Clause,
setting forth title of proposed Act, passed without debate or division.
“And they call us Obstructives!” said Chaplin. Made up for
it in Committee. Moved Amendments on every word as far as we’ve
got. Charles M'Laren, who has got some useful returns lately,
going to move for one showing when Debate will close, supposing
there is an Amendment on every word and two Amendments per
sitting are disposed of.
“ Oh, we’ll have it in plenty of time,” he said, when suggestion
offered that Bill would be through before Return printed. ‘ ‘ Believe
printers have, in consequence of remonstrance, put on another boy ;
if pressed, could manage short Return like that before end of July.”
Cavendish Bentinck, in his ingenuous way, lets cat out of bag.
Grand Cross and the rest gravely protest passionate desire to see
Bill passed. Only want a few Amendments.
“Don’t know what Gentlemen here want,” says Cavendish.
“ What I want is to see the Bill thrown out.” _
Cavendish seized by coat-tails, and, after violent struggle, pulled
back into seat. “ Wash matter?” he gasped, giving an extra rumple
to his hair. “ Haven’t said anything, have IP”
“ What with Sir Peel and Tony Lumpkin on the Front Bench,”
sighed Sir Stafford, “ and Randolph below the Gangway, the life of
Leader of Conservative Opposition not altogether free from anxiety.”
At Evening Sitting, Deceased Wife’s Sister Question on aeain.
Broadhurst’s Motion, declaring relief urgent, carried by rattling
majority. Speech of the evening, Pat O’Brien’s; characteristically
delivered in the morning. Beresford Hope solemnly sawing the
air at table, talking stale nonsense ; nobody listening ; House impa-
tient for Division. Sir Pat quells the turmoil with wave of hand,
and proceeds to make “political recantation.” “The first in nay
life,” he adds, in tone of deep emotion, as if lateness in beginning
rather to be regretted. “ The religion of which I have the honour of
being a humble member,” Sir Pat says, with a gracious wave of his
hand. Speech full of historic quotations, personal reminiscences,
and topographical references to “the large mamifacturing districts
of Lancashire and Yorkshire, where mills prevail, and masses con-
gregate.” Sir Pat sat down after ten minutes’ oration. No one quite
sure from which side he had “ recanted,” but quite clear that Henry
the Eighth is at the bottom of opposition to reform of existing
Marriage Laws.
Business done.—Resolution against prohibition of Marriage with
Deceased Wife’s Sister carried by 238 Yotes against 127.
Wednesday.—“ Got a time-table in your pocket, Toby?” said
Randolph ; “ or do you happen to know what time the tram starts
for Tusculum ? ”
“ What, are you off ? ” , .,
“ Yes ; I’m sick of this little game, and mean to leave them to it
for a bit.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
239
Jjpp&dsg
1
III *
■&
|r
X
* j
bi
At
1
j^PARIflAllElNfTAUy YlEW^ is. ; the IobbY :jy°3: wri&EfoMjsmtim} qw
S3ENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIART OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, May 5.—“ So you see, Toby,” said
Sir Stafford, “we’ve got rid of Randolph at last. Always sure
crisis would come. Often when he’s been standing at the corner
there, jibing at me, felt my blood boil. Longed to he at him ; all
Cross and Smith could do to keep me down in seat. Glad now to
reflect that I preserved command over myself.”
“ Yes,” said W. H. Smith, rubbing his hands nervously, “ always
felt we took the right course. ‘ Give him rope enough ’ ever my
maxim.”
“Quite true,” adds Grand Cross, pleasantly polishing his spec-
tacles, “though must say that once or twice, looking in after dinner
and finding him on his legs, ‘ viewing both Front Benches with strict
impartiality,’ as he impudently said, I felt inclined to go for him.
Could have settled him in single round when my blood was up. But
as Northcote says, best as it is. Might have given me personally a
lift, but everything for the Party, say I; no washing of dirty linen
on floor of House.”
“ I suppose he really is knocked over for good ? ” I asked.
“ Oh, dear me, yes,” says Sir Stafford, uneasily glancing over his
shoulder and thrusting arms up sleeve.
“ Oh dear me, yes,” echoed Cross and Smith.
Just then Randolph lounged in communing witn moustache.
Extraordinary effect upon victorious party. Sir S. Northcote sud-
denly grew limp, and brow clouded with look of agonised apprehen-
sion. W. H. Smith, strange pallor stealing over ruddy countenance,
looked straight over at opposite wall as if he saw a cockroach crawling
up it. Grand Cross abruptly absorbed in study of Orders.
“ It’s all very well for them to talk, you know, Toby,” Sir Staf-
ford tremulously whispered; “hut he’s a terrible fellow, and though
of course we’ve got him down now, nobody knows what might hap-
pen. He might instruct Gorst to impeach us; or he might order
Wolff to take me up on his back and carry me clean out of the
House. Nice sight that would be—me astride Wolff’s hack, and both
of us with our spectacles on! Wish he’d go away somewhere, and
leave us in peace.”
Business done.—Army Votes in Supply. Joseph Gillis spent very
pleasant evening bullying Hartington, and insisting upon replies.
Delightful to watch Hartington with hands in pocket on Treasury
Bench whilst J. G., with thumb in armhole of waistcoat, judiciously
cross-examined him. Give a plateful of chicken bones to have had
at that moment Hartington’s opinion of Joey B.
Tuesday.—At last in Committee on Franchise Bill. First Clause,
setting forth title of proposed Act, passed without debate or division.
“And they call us Obstructives!” said Chaplin. Made up for
it in Committee. Moved Amendments on every word as far as we’ve
got. Charles M'Laren, who has got some useful returns lately,
going to move for one showing when Debate will close, supposing
there is an Amendment on every word and two Amendments per
sitting are disposed of.
“ Oh, we’ll have it in plenty of time,” he said, when suggestion
offered that Bill would be through before Return printed. ‘ ‘ Believe
printers have, in consequence of remonstrance, put on another boy ;
if pressed, could manage short Return like that before end of July.”
Cavendish Bentinck, in his ingenuous way, lets cat out of bag.
Grand Cross and the rest gravely protest passionate desire to see
Bill passed. Only want a few Amendments.
“Don’t know what Gentlemen here want,” says Cavendish.
“ What I want is to see the Bill thrown out.” _
Cavendish seized by coat-tails, and, after violent struggle, pulled
back into seat. “ Wash matter?” he gasped, giving an extra rumple
to his hair. “ Haven’t said anything, have IP”
“ What with Sir Peel and Tony Lumpkin on the Front Bench,”
sighed Sir Stafford, “ and Randolph below the Gangway, the life of
Leader of Conservative Opposition not altogether free from anxiety.”
At Evening Sitting, Deceased Wife’s Sister Question on aeain.
Broadhurst’s Motion, declaring relief urgent, carried by rattling
majority. Speech of the evening, Pat O’Brien’s; characteristically
delivered in the morning. Beresford Hope solemnly sawing the
air at table, talking stale nonsense ; nobody listening ; House impa-
tient for Division. Sir Pat quells the turmoil with wave of hand,
and proceeds to make “political recantation.” “The first in nay
life,” he adds, in tone of deep emotion, as if lateness in beginning
rather to be regretted. “ The religion of which I have the honour of
being a humble member,” Sir Pat says, with a gracious wave of his
hand. Speech full of historic quotations, personal reminiscences,
and topographical references to “the large mamifacturing districts
of Lancashire and Yorkshire, where mills prevail, and masses con-
gregate.” Sir Pat sat down after ten minutes’ oration. No one quite
sure from which side he had “ recanted,” but quite clear that Henry
the Eighth is at the bottom of opposition to reform of existing
Marriage Laws.
Business done.—Resolution against prohibition of Marriage with
Deceased Wife’s Sister carried by 238 Yotes against 127.
Wednesday.—“ Got a time-table in your pocket, Toby?” said
Randolph ; “ or do you happen to know what time the tram starts
for Tusculum ? ”
“ What, are you off ? ” , .,
“ Yes ; I’m sick of this little game, and mean to leave them to it
for a bit.”