DOI Heft:
May 17, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0246
240
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 17, 1884.
THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
•‘Oh, how d’ye do, Sip. Bruin? And so you’re leaving England pop
GOOD, AND WE SHALL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN ! ”
“Nothing of the kind ! Who says so?”
“Oh, I SAW IT IN ONE OF THE PAPERS. BUT THE PAPERS DON’T ALWAYS
TELL THE TRUTH, I ’jtf SORRY TO SAY ”
“Going as Taequin went, or as Cicero? Is it preparation for war, or
leisured peace ? ”
“ It’s just weariness. I ’m bored to death with the acrimony of Salisbury,
! the feebleness of Northcote, the flabbiness of the Front Bench, and all the mis-
erable little scheming of ambitious mediocrity. I like a game of politics ; but let
us play up out in the open; say what we mean, and do what we say. This
manoeuvring and secret letter-writing, this communication of confidential corre-
spondence, and this stabbing in the back all round, sickens me. I ’ll try Tus-
cixhxm a bit. Thanks for your kind reference to Tarquin. I think I ’ll begin
with the other Party. What do you think of my using up my leisure by writing
a new Essay, De Claris Oratoribus, giving a short account of the eminent orators
of the House of Commons, from Hicks-Beach to Ashmead-Bartlett ? ”
Sorry to hear Randolph’s going. House won’t be the same without him. But
he won’t be long away. As Harcourt says, “ He’s not the first young man who
has thought he’d had enough of political life. Gladstone retired in ’74.”
Spent afternoon in discussion of Scotch Liquor Bill. “Tyranny of these
| fellows makes one’s blood boil,” says Love Jones Parry. “Here they’ve
Public-houses shut up on Sunday in Scotland, and now want to close them on
other days. If they don’t mind they ’ll have Scotland as disturbed as Ireland.”
Much ill-feeling occasioned by Cameron’s bold declaration (after all only a
quotation from Orr-Ewing) that Dumbarton is the most drunken place in Scot-
land. “ Suppose it’s his native place,” says Ramsay, “ or he’s got some friends
there, or he’s speculating in property in the town. Mean attempt to play upon
Southern ignorance and crack up his own town. I know twenty places that ’ll
drink straight with Dumbarton, and Cameron will hear from them, too, before
the week’s out.” Business done.—Scotch Permissive Bill found not permissible.
Thursday.—Down for prayers to-day. Henry Lennox let me in for it.
“ Look here, Toby,” says he, yesterday afternoon ; “you know a lot, but yon ’re
comparatively a young Member of the House. I’m juvenile myself in appearance.
But fact is, between you and me, I’ve been here some years. Take my advice.
If you want a seat to-morrow, you must come down for prayers, and secure it.
[
Got about that I’m going to deliver speech on Navy
Estimates. Shall probably not come on till about Ten
or half-past; won’t be a seat to be had then if you don’t
ticket it at Prayer Time. Here, take this and study it.
Give you clear notion how Navy ’s gone down since I
was Secretary to Admiralty.”
Thrust into my paw paper with rows of figures. Sat
up half the night trying to make them out; but howls
disturbed neighbourhood, so had to give it up. Came
down to-day; got seat without difficulty. “ "Where’s the
crowd?” I asked Lord Henry at Six o’Clock, when
W. H. Smith addressing Seven Members, including
Chairman of Committees and myself.
“ Oh, it’ll be here shortly,” said Henry, turning up
his trousers. “ Never understand,” he continued, “ wdiy
these demd tailors make one’s trousers so long in the leg.
Told my man wouldn’t have ’em below the ankle, and here
they are nearly down to third button of boots. Like to
feel the cool air about my ankles, especially when going
to make big speech.”
Waited on. Things got worse; Six Members worn
away to Four. At Half-past Eight collapse imminent.
Henry Lennox ambling about the House and the Lob-
bies, delivering slips containing his printed figures, as
if they were tracts. “Going to speak presently, you
know,” he observed with pleasant smile. “ Oh, ah! j
Yes,” said Member addressed, and hurried off.
At Half-past Eight Chairman called on Lord Henry.
Henry wouldn’t see him. Going to put the vote; all
over in a moment, and opportunity gone. So Lord Henry,
rising and surveying empty benches with ghastly smile
(meant to indicate that if he had a preference this was
the kind of thing he liked), went on, and in hearing of
Five Members showed conclusively why the Bellero-
photi’s boiler had burst, or was going to burst; forget
which; and how, owing to his (Lord Henry Lennox’s) j
advice being neglected, the gunwale of the Audacious
was scarcely ever dry.
Business done.—Navy Estimates. Long speaking and
short voting.
Friday.—Got two Bills referred to Grand Committee
at Morning Sitting. At Evening Sitting, House promptly
Counted Out. Fact is, Conservative Opposition a little
off their heads; letting things go anyhow. Randolph
has graciously permitted himself to be soothed. Salis-
bury gives him at once large slice of demand, promises
rest by-and-by. Great meeting of Party to-day. Ran-
dolph and Stafford publicly kissed each other, and so
it’s all right.
“ Till next week or next month,” says Chaplin, who
doesn’t like turn things have taken.
ODE TO THE HANGING COMMITTEE.
By One of the “Skied.”
Raise the gallows up on high,
Make them firm and very strong,
Standing up against the sky,
Let the drop be duly long :
Plant them to-day in the heart of the City,
And thereon we ’ll hang up the Hanging Committee.
I’ve a picture painted well,
Near the ceiling they’ve hung me,
Say, how can a fellow sell,
When the patron cannot see ?
Raise up the scaffold, then—who would have pity ?
And hang up on high all the Hanging Committee.
I’ve a friend the Critics praise,
Who can doubt that they are right ?
Paints far better tban R.A.’s,
He ’s hung nearly out of sight:
And dozens will join me in singing this ditty,
“ Go hang up the whole of the Hanging Committee ! ”
Mr. Punch begs to acknowledge the receipt of a box
full of the most beautiful Roses from the Nursery
Grounds—so they are quite young Roses—of Mr. W.
Rumsey, of Waltham Cross. Mr. Punch has presented
them to several young Ladies of his acquaintance, and
retained some wherewith to deck his classic brow and to
wreathe the bowl at his symposium.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 17, 1884.
THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
•‘Oh, how d’ye do, Sip. Bruin? And so you’re leaving England pop
GOOD, AND WE SHALL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN ! ”
“Nothing of the kind ! Who says so?”
“Oh, I SAW IT IN ONE OF THE PAPERS. BUT THE PAPERS DON’T ALWAYS
TELL THE TRUTH, I ’jtf SORRY TO SAY ”
“Going as Taequin went, or as Cicero? Is it preparation for war, or
leisured peace ? ”
“ It’s just weariness. I ’m bored to death with the acrimony of Salisbury,
! the feebleness of Northcote, the flabbiness of the Front Bench, and all the mis-
erable little scheming of ambitious mediocrity. I like a game of politics ; but let
us play up out in the open; say what we mean, and do what we say. This
manoeuvring and secret letter-writing, this communication of confidential corre-
spondence, and this stabbing in the back all round, sickens me. I ’ll try Tus-
cixhxm a bit. Thanks for your kind reference to Tarquin. I think I ’ll begin
with the other Party. What do you think of my using up my leisure by writing
a new Essay, De Claris Oratoribus, giving a short account of the eminent orators
of the House of Commons, from Hicks-Beach to Ashmead-Bartlett ? ”
Sorry to hear Randolph’s going. House won’t be the same without him. But
he won’t be long away. As Harcourt says, “ He’s not the first young man who
has thought he’d had enough of political life. Gladstone retired in ’74.”
Spent afternoon in discussion of Scotch Liquor Bill. “Tyranny of these
| fellows makes one’s blood boil,” says Love Jones Parry. “Here they’ve
Public-houses shut up on Sunday in Scotland, and now want to close them on
other days. If they don’t mind they ’ll have Scotland as disturbed as Ireland.”
Much ill-feeling occasioned by Cameron’s bold declaration (after all only a
quotation from Orr-Ewing) that Dumbarton is the most drunken place in Scot-
land. “ Suppose it’s his native place,” says Ramsay, “ or he’s got some friends
there, or he’s speculating in property in the town. Mean attempt to play upon
Southern ignorance and crack up his own town. I know twenty places that ’ll
drink straight with Dumbarton, and Cameron will hear from them, too, before
the week’s out.” Business done.—Scotch Permissive Bill found not permissible.
Thursday.—Down for prayers to-day. Henry Lennox let me in for it.
“ Look here, Toby,” says he, yesterday afternoon ; “you know a lot, but yon ’re
comparatively a young Member of the House. I’m juvenile myself in appearance.
But fact is, between you and me, I’ve been here some years. Take my advice.
If you want a seat to-morrow, you must come down for prayers, and secure it.
[
Got about that I’m going to deliver speech on Navy
Estimates. Shall probably not come on till about Ten
or half-past; won’t be a seat to be had then if you don’t
ticket it at Prayer Time. Here, take this and study it.
Give you clear notion how Navy ’s gone down since I
was Secretary to Admiralty.”
Thrust into my paw paper with rows of figures. Sat
up half the night trying to make them out; but howls
disturbed neighbourhood, so had to give it up. Came
down to-day; got seat without difficulty. “ "Where’s the
crowd?” I asked Lord Henry at Six o’Clock, when
W. H. Smith addressing Seven Members, including
Chairman of Committees and myself.
“ Oh, it’ll be here shortly,” said Henry, turning up
his trousers. “ Never understand,” he continued, “ wdiy
these demd tailors make one’s trousers so long in the leg.
Told my man wouldn’t have ’em below the ankle, and here
they are nearly down to third button of boots. Like to
feel the cool air about my ankles, especially when going
to make big speech.”
Waited on. Things got worse; Six Members worn
away to Four. At Half-past Eight collapse imminent.
Henry Lennox ambling about the House and the Lob-
bies, delivering slips containing his printed figures, as
if they were tracts. “Going to speak presently, you
know,” he observed with pleasant smile. “ Oh, ah! j
Yes,” said Member addressed, and hurried off.
At Half-past Eight Chairman called on Lord Henry.
Henry wouldn’t see him. Going to put the vote; all
over in a moment, and opportunity gone. So Lord Henry,
rising and surveying empty benches with ghastly smile
(meant to indicate that if he had a preference this was
the kind of thing he liked), went on, and in hearing of
Five Members showed conclusively why the Bellero-
photi’s boiler had burst, or was going to burst; forget
which; and how, owing to his (Lord Henry Lennox’s) j
advice being neglected, the gunwale of the Audacious
was scarcely ever dry.
Business done.—Navy Estimates. Long speaking and
short voting.
Friday.—Got two Bills referred to Grand Committee
at Morning Sitting. At Evening Sitting, House promptly
Counted Out. Fact is, Conservative Opposition a little
off their heads; letting things go anyhow. Randolph
has graciously permitted himself to be soothed. Salis-
bury gives him at once large slice of demand, promises
rest by-and-by. Great meeting of Party to-day. Ran-
dolph and Stafford publicly kissed each other, and so
it’s all right.
“ Till next week or next month,” says Chaplin, who
doesn’t like turn things have taken.
ODE TO THE HANGING COMMITTEE.
By One of the “Skied.”
Raise the gallows up on high,
Make them firm and very strong,
Standing up against the sky,
Let the drop be duly long :
Plant them to-day in the heart of the City,
And thereon we ’ll hang up the Hanging Committee.
I’ve a picture painted well,
Near the ceiling they’ve hung me,
Say, how can a fellow sell,
When the patron cannot see ?
Raise up the scaffold, then—who would have pity ?
And hang up on high all the Hanging Committee.
I’ve a friend the Critics praise,
Who can doubt that they are right ?
Paints far better tban R.A.’s,
He ’s hung nearly out of sight:
And dozens will join me in singing this ditty,
“ Go hang up the whole of the Hanging Committee ! ”
Mr. Punch begs to acknowledge the receipt of a box
full of the most beautiful Roses from the Nursery
Grounds—so they are quite young Roses—of Mr. W.
Rumsey, of Waltham Cross. Mr. Punch has presented
them to several young Ladies of his acquaintance, and
retained some wherewith to deck his classic brow and to
wreathe the bowl at his symposium.