DOI issue:
May 31, 1884
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0268
1884,]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHaPIVAKL
263
PAULIAJt^nrrART Y1HWS: n%iu : the mvi^ioK
SSEMCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIAHT OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, May 19.—“ I have been attacked! ”
The O’Brien shrieked just now, “ and surely two words of explana-
tion might be permitted me.”
This is too delicious. Makes me doubt Trevelyan’s judgment
that “Parnell’s boys have among them less humour than any
twenty Irishmen taken at hazard.” The O’Brien xiroposed to place
on Paper notice for “a Select Committee to inquire into alleged
prevalence of felonious practices amongst certain officials in Ireland.”
A good many officials in Ireland. This would smite at them all.
Motion needn’t necessarily come on ; might stand on Paper for
week . Officials in Ireland indignant; but what of that? Clerk,
howev r, refused to accept Motion, so The O’Brien brought
grievance under notice of the Assembly he is constantly insulting.
Incidentally, m course of prolix speech, accused Sir Thomas May of
being in collusion with other Members to his (The O’Brien’s) disad-
vantage. Gladstone interposed, amid general cheering ; appealed
to the House to protect Clerk, who could not answer for himself.
This was the “ attack ” of which The O’Brien, in voice trembling
with emotion and amid indignant cheers from his countrymen,
complained of.
Chamberlain had sitting pretty well to himself, with most pro-
digious speech of modern times. Began quietly at Six o’Clock.
Unsuspecting Members remained seated till Seven. Half-past
Seven, began to wonder whether they would get any dinner. At
Eight, certain they wouldn’t. At quarter-past Eight, Chamberlain
genially observed, “ And now, after these few preliminary remarks,
I will proceed to address myself to the Bill.” At half-past Eight,
Norwood carried out and laid on two chairs in Library. Palmer
got out his pocket-handkerchief, and, secretly wetting it in tumbler of
water Eustace Smith had provided himself with in anticipation of
making speech, tied it tightly round his brows, set his teeth, squared
his elbows, and prepared for more. At a quarter to Nine, Mr. Toots
MacIver (with whom softening of brain had been going on visiblv
with accelerated force since Seven o’Clock) began to smile with
increased feebleness and to chatter to himself. At ten minutes past
Nine, Palmer led out behind the Speaker’s Chair. At half-
past Nine, Jesse Codlings, whose personal friendship for President
of the Board of Trade has been tried in many climes, crawled out on
hands and knees, so that his retreat might not be discovered through
an eyeglass. At twenty minutes to Ten, Palmer, who had been
rubbed down with brandy, brought in again to move “That
this speech be now adjourned.” Quarter to Ten, speech finished.
“Not because I was tired, Toby,” Chamberlain said. “Fact is,
I could have gone on for another hour. Rather fancy I discovered
signs of desire that I should do so. But it’s well not to s|x>il a good
thing. Alwajrs.leave off when you find your audience wants more.
That’s my maxim.”
Business done.—Second Reading Merchant Shipping Bill moved.
Tuesday.—Grand Cross in a bad way. Persistently and success-
fully shouldered out of political power by Randolph, hopelessly
beaten in other fields of distinction by Love Jones Parry, Sir Pat
O’Brien has now excelled his most famous phrase.
“I hear an Honourable Member smile,” Grand Cross said one
night.
“ I hear a twinkle,” said Sir Pat, this afternoon, cocking his left
ear by way of warning. This beats Grand Cross by subtle distinc-
tion easier to feel than to explain. There is a notion of vibration
about a twinkle; can imagine a supernaturally delicate organisation
conscious of faintest sound. It is pretty, romantic, fairylike.
Bottom doubtless heard the twinkle of the blue bells moved by
the wind as he sat with Titania among the wood violets and prim-
roses. Whereas Grand Cross’s remark simply fatuous. All the
difference between what Randolph calls “a bourgeois placeman”
and a rollicking Irish gentleman.
One charm about Sir Pat is that he always has two speeches on any
given subject. One is carefully prepared before he rises, and has
some connection with the subject-matter of debate. The other
occurs when on his legs and has nothing whatever to do with it.
Always delivers the latter. Course of remarks generally directed by
interruptions. “ Order ! order! ” someone cried, when Sir Pat, sup-
posed to be discussing franchise in Ireland, wandered away to
“ Chicago and adjacent parts.”
“ Order ! ” cried the good Baronet, turning towards interrupters
with face blazing with indignation, “ I am not in order.”
Sir Pat when blood once up will concede nothing; contradicts
everybody. Wealth of illustration illimitable; drawn from all
sources, including natural history.
“ I have my oie on the young sea-serpent from County Clare,” he
exclaimed in warning tones, when Kenny uneasily tittered at refer-
ences to subscriptions for the maintenance of Irish Members coming
from “ Chicago and adjacent parts.”
“Well, I did me best,” Sir Pat modestly said, when I congratu-
lated him on his speech. “I’m one of the Old Guard. I’m the
Father of the Irish Members, and a nice lot of boys I’ve got—you
know what I mean? What was wanted when I rose.was someone
able to put the whole case in a nutshell, and,—pardon me,—I think
T did it. Ye ’ll notice that having given two sittings to Amend-
ment, as soon as I sat down House went to Division. Nothing like
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHaPIVAKL
263
PAULIAJt^nrrART Y1HWS: n%iu : the mvi^ioK
SSEMCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIAHT OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, May 19.—“ I have been attacked! ”
The O’Brien shrieked just now, “ and surely two words of explana-
tion might be permitted me.”
This is too delicious. Makes me doubt Trevelyan’s judgment
that “Parnell’s boys have among them less humour than any
twenty Irishmen taken at hazard.” The O’Brien xiroposed to place
on Paper notice for “a Select Committee to inquire into alleged
prevalence of felonious practices amongst certain officials in Ireland.”
A good many officials in Ireland. This would smite at them all.
Motion needn’t necessarily come on ; might stand on Paper for
week . Officials in Ireland indignant; but what of that? Clerk,
howev r, refused to accept Motion, so The O’Brien brought
grievance under notice of the Assembly he is constantly insulting.
Incidentally, m course of prolix speech, accused Sir Thomas May of
being in collusion with other Members to his (The O’Brien’s) disad-
vantage. Gladstone interposed, amid general cheering ; appealed
to the House to protect Clerk, who could not answer for himself.
This was the “ attack ” of which The O’Brien, in voice trembling
with emotion and amid indignant cheers from his countrymen,
complained of.
Chamberlain had sitting pretty well to himself, with most pro-
digious speech of modern times. Began quietly at Six o’Clock.
Unsuspecting Members remained seated till Seven. Half-past
Seven, began to wonder whether they would get any dinner. At
Eight, certain they wouldn’t. At quarter-past Eight, Chamberlain
genially observed, “ And now, after these few preliminary remarks,
I will proceed to address myself to the Bill.” At half-past Eight,
Norwood carried out and laid on two chairs in Library. Palmer
got out his pocket-handkerchief, and, secretly wetting it in tumbler of
water Eustace Smith had provided himself with in anticipation of
making speech, tied it tightly round his brows, set his teeth, squared
his elbows, and prepared for more. At a quarter to Nine, Mr. Toots
MacIver (with whom softening of brain had been going on visiblv
with accelerated force since Seven o’Clock) began to smile with
increased feebleness and to chatter to himself. At ten minutes past
Nine, Palmer led out behind the Speaker’s Chair. At half-
past Nine, Jesse Codlings, whose personal friendship for President
of the Board of Trade has been tried in many climes, crawled out on
hands and knees, so that his retreat might not be discovered through
an eyeglass. At twenty minutes to Ten, Palmer, who had been
rubbed down with brandy, brought in again to move “That
this speech be now adjourned.” Quarter to Ten, speech finished.
“Not because I was tired, Toby,” Chamberlain said. “Fact is,
I could have gone on for another hour. Rather fancy I discovered
signs of desire that I should do so. But it’s well not to s|x>il a good
thing. Alwajrs.leave off when you find your audience wants more.
That’s my maxim.”
Business done.—Second Reading Merchant Shipping Bill moved.
Tuesday.—Grand Cross in a bad way. Persistently and success-
fully shouldered out of political power by Randolph, hopelessly
beaten in other fields of distinction by Love Jones Parry, Sir Pat
O’Brien has now excelled his most famous phrase.
“I hear an Honourable Member smile,” Grand Cross said one
night.
“ I hear a twinkle,” said Sir Pat, this afternoon, cocking his left
ear by way of warning. This beats Grand Cross by subtle distinc-
tion easier to feel than to explain. There is a notion of vibration
about a twinkle; can imagine a supernaturally delicate organisation
conscious of faintest sound. It is pretty, romantic, fairylike.
Bottom doubtless heard the twinkle of the blue bells moved by
the wind as he sat with Titania among the wood violets and prim-
roses. Whereas Grand Cross’s remark simply fatuous. All the
difference between what Randolph calls “a bourgeois placeman”
and a rollicking Irish gentleman.
One charm about Sir Pat is that he always has two speeches on any
given subject. One is carefully prepared before he rises, and has
some connection with the subject-matter of debate. The other
occurs when on his legs and has nothing whatever to do with it.
Always delivers the latter. Course of remarks generally directed by
interruptions. “ Order ! order! ” someone cried, when Sir Pat, sup-
posed to be discussing franchise in Ireland, wandered away to
“ Chicago and adjacent parts.”
“ Order ! ” cried the good Baronet, turning towards interrupters
with face blazing with indignation, “ I am not in order.”
Sir Pat when blood once up will concede nothing; contradicts
everybody. Wealth of illustration illimitable; drawn from all
sources, including natural history.
“ I have my oie on the young sea-serpent from County Clare,” he
exclaimed in warning tones, when Kenny uneasily tittered at refer-
ences to subscriptions for the maintenance of Irish Members coming
from “ Chicago and adjacent parts.”
“Well, I did me best,” Sir Pat modestly said, when I congratu-
lated him on his speech. “I’m one of the Old Guard. I’m the
Father of the Irish Members, and a nice lot of boys I’ve got—you
know what I mean? What was wanted when I rose.was someone
able to put the whole case in a nutshell, and,—pardon me,—I think
T did it. Ye ’ll notice that having given two sittings to Amend-
ment, as soon as I sat down House went to Division. Nothing like