DOI Heft:
June 7, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0280
PUNCH, Oft THE LONDON CHaRTVAKL
fairly settled over his letters, I darted up, and stupefied him with
a bottle of chloroform. Then I bound him hand and foot in his
chair, carefully gagging him, and locking the door. As soon as he
came to, I read him my piece, a Pantomime on an entirely new
principle, twice over, and was about to begin it a third time, when I
understood by his gestures that he accepted it then and there. I
have never got anything listened to or accepted in any other way.
The grand secret is to get past the Stage-door. That done—your
piece is safe. I don’t think 1 can add anything to this.
From * * *.
There are many wavs, I believe, of getting a dramatic work
: thankfully and cheerfully accepted by an enterprising and intelli-
gent Entrepreneur ; but, to any struggling Author, I can only with
any confidence recommend the simple course I was induced to pursue
myself. Airing myself in the very* best circles for years, and earning
for myself a reputation at my Club, one of the most exclusive in
Town, as a distinguished Social Lion, I eventually suffered myself
to be introduced to one or two of the most distingue West-End
Managers. Selecting, after careful study of his character, the most
fitting of these for my purpose, I asked him no less than seventy-
eight successive Sundays to dinner, to meet, “ in a quiet, friendly
wav,” as I put it, a few Peers who happened to be taking pot-luck
with me at the “ Star and Garter ” at ftichmond. After the seventy-
eighth dinner and some Dry Monopole of ’65 in magnums, driving
home on a drag with two Dukes on the box, and calling him “ Old
Boy,” I suddenly sprang my mine by proposing to him that he should
accept my piece—a Farce, the very existence of which I had never
mentioned or even hinted at before. There was no refusing, and the
business was done. I have brought out three farces in this way,
and I have a fourth on the stocks.
From * * * *.
You ask me how I get ray pieces produced. I have always pursued
one plan. When my Play is ready, I look out for any Theatre that
happens to he in the market, and with the financial assistance of a
friend, who happens at the same time to be a patron of the Drama,
I take it. The run is short, hut at the end of it we both go through
the Bankruptcy Court. I have produced fifteen pieces in thi>
fashion, and always with the same result. There is no other method
But with a little spirit, this is infallible.
THE QUESTION SOLVED.
“What shall we do with our boys?” What? Why, make
Directors of them, to be sure. Ho good? Isn’t it! Well, just
read the following advertisement which appears in the Athenceurn:—
DIRECTORS REQUIRED.—To Gentlemen of position and influence,
substantial Fees will be paid.
Mr. Punch has just withdrawn three sons who were marvellously
successful—and costing him five hundred a year a-piece—from the
professions of Law, Physic, and Divinity, and is going to forthwith
convert them into Directors. He hopes they will succeed in collaring
the “ substantial fees.”
Intimidation in Vain.
The theory of the dynamite ringleaders who arrange explosions in
cloak-rooms, railway 'tunnels, club areas, and public buildings, is
supposed to he that they hope by those outrages to frighten John
Bull into concession <5f their demands. Now, John Bull is not to j
be frightened by any such scares, and even if he were, it would be
of noTise for him to make anv such concessions. _ No concession that
he could possibly make would ever appease the irreconcilable dyna-
miters. Concede whatever he might, they would consider his national
existence a casus belli; unless, indeed, he conceded them a satisfac-
tory subsidy. That is to say, a subsidy exceeding the amount of
revenue they derive from the subscriptions of their dupes.
Ridtng the High Horse.—It is said that the Premier has
started a new “ G.”—in the Fortnightly !
RIVER BANK-HOLIDAY PUZZLE,
Wanted, at Hampton Court, Mortlake, Richmond, and Twickenham, River-Policemen. Puzzle—Where to Find One ?
[Dedicated to Sir Charles Dilke, who said, “ There were no real Police on the river to enforce the law. The river was a sort
of savage place,” &c.— Times Report, May 20.]
fairly settled over his letters, I darted up, and stupefied him with
a bottle of chloroform. Then I bound him hand and foot in his
chair, carefully gagging him, and locking the door. As soon as he
came to, I read him my piece, a Pantomime on an entirely new
principle, twice over, and was about to begin it a third time, when I
understood by his gestures that he accepted it then and there. I
have never got anything listened to or accepted in any other way.
The grand secret is to get past the Stage-door. That done—your
piece is safe. I don’t think 1 can add anything to this.
From * * *.
There are many wavs, I believe, of getting a dramatic work
: thankfully and cheerfully accepted by an enterprising and intelli-
gent Entrepreneur ; but, to any struggling Author, I can only with
any confidence recommend the simple course I was induced to pursue
myself. Airing myself in the very* best circles for years, and earning
for myself a reputation at my Club, one of the most exclusive in
Town, as a distinguished Social Lion, I eventually suffered myself
to be introduced to one or two of the most distingue West-End
Managers. Selecting, after careful study of his character, the most
fitting of these for my purpose, I asked him no less than seventy-
eight successive Sundays to dinner, to meet, “ in a quiet, friendly
wav,” as I put it, a few Peers who happened to be taking pot-luck
with me at the “ Star and Garter ” at ftichmond. After the seventy-
eighth dinner and some Dry Monopole of ’65 in magnums, driving
home on a drag with two Dukes on the box, and calling him “ Old
Boy,” I suddenly sprang my mine by proposing to him that he should
accept my piece—a Farce, the very existence of which I had never
mentioned or even hinted at before. There was no refusing, and the
business was done. I have brought out three farces in this way,
and I have a fourth on the stocks.
From * * * *.
You ask me how I get ray pieces produced. I have always pursued
one plan. When my Play is ready, I look out for any Theatre that
happens to he in the market, and with the financial assistance of a
friend, who happens at the same time to be a patron of the Drama,
I take it. The run is short, hut at the end of it we both go through
the Bankruptcy Court. I have produced fifteen pieces in thi>
fashion, and always with the same result. There is no other method
But with a little spirit, this is infallible.
THE QUESTION SOLVED.
“What shall we do with our boys?” What? Why, make
Directors of them, to be sure. Ho good? Isn’t it! Well, just
read the following advertisement which appears in the Athenceurn:—
DIRECTORS REQUIRED.—To Gentlemen of position and influence,
substantial Fees will be paid.
Mr. Punch has just withdrawn three sons who were marvellously
successful—and costing him five hundred a year a-piece—from the
professions of Law, Physic, and Divinity, and is going to forthwith
convert them into Directors. He hopes they will succeed in collaring
the “ substantial fees.”
Intimidation in Vain.
The theory of the dynamite ringleaders who arrange explosions in
cloak-rooms, railway 'tunnels, club areas, and public buildings, is
supposed to he that they hope by those outrages to frighten John
Bull into concession <5f their demands. Now, John Bull is not to j
be frightened by any such scares, and even if he were, it would be
of noTise for him to make anv such concessions. _ No concession that
he could possibly make would ever appease the irreconcilable dyna-
miters. Concede whatever he might, they would consider his national
existence a casus belli; unless, indeed, he conceded them a satisfac-
tory subsidy. That is to say, a subsidy exceeding the amount of
revenue they derive from the subscriptions of their dupes.
Ridtng the High Horse.—It is said that the Premier has
started a new “ G.”—in the Fortnightly !
RIVER BANK-HOLIDAY PUZZLE,
Wanted, at Hampton Court, Mortlake, Richmond, and Twickenham, River-Policemen. Puzzle—Where to Find One ?
[Dedicated to Sir Charles Dilke, who said, “ There were no real Police on the river to enforce the law. The river was a sort
of savage place,” &c.— Times Report, May 20.]