DOI Heft:
June 21, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0303
298
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 21, 1884,
THREE-PER-CENT. CON-
SOLATION.
(Song of the Stockholder.)
Conversion of the Nation’s
Debt,
Oh, what a blessing, what a
boon!
The Taxpayers great relief'will
get
How sensible, how sure, how
soon!
Posterity, in after days,
Will this year’s Budget bless
and praise.
And oh, ye Fundholders, dear
friends
And brothers, what although
we lose
A portion of the dividends,
Some sixth of our accus-
tomed dues P
Our little loss will prove a great
Advantage to the suffering
State.
And if Conversion we decline
(Some Reprobates may dare
do so),
What if we ’re told, some
morning tine,
To take our principal, and go,
And so be driven, though sore
afraid,
To stake perchance our all in
trade ?
Well, well, in speculations
rash
Let us beware how we invest,
Lest we thereby may lose our
cash,
But meanwhile hope, boys,
for the best,
And join in cheers, and tol-
de-rols
Sung o’er Conversion of Con-
sols.
PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-NQ. 179.
[authentic.]
THE WRITER WHO SIGNS HIMSELF “ G.” IN THE
FORTNIGHTLY.
COMMENDABLE LUNACY.
Dear Mr. Punch,
Does the following ad-
vertisement, which appears in
the Times, emanate from Col-
ney Hatch ? I cannot conceive
it is the work of anyone in his
sober senses. Look at it!
Read it! Reflect upon it!
Here it is:—
JV/TY GOOD FRIEND.—Have
TVI received half-notes of £45.
Why persist in such unmerited
kindness ? I beg you withhold
any more.—H.
People are not, unfortu-
nately, in the habit of sending
me half-notes for £45, or,
indeed, half-notes for any-
thing. If they were, I would
reply, through the medium of
the Tunes newspaper, thus :—
MY BEST FRIEND.—Have
received half-notes of £45.
Pray persist in such a proper ap-
preciation of merit! I beg you
wilL not withhold any more.—
B. B.
Some people never know
how to make good use of their
opportunities, and those who
have this knowledge never
have any opportunities to
make use of.
Yours impecuniously,
Benjamin Backbill.
221, Stonebroke Street,
Stumer Square.
Amongst other taradiddles
from Cairo, we were told
that the Mahdi had. in-
vested Khartoum. This—il
true—might have been looked
upon as a Prophet-able
investment.
THE SCIENTIFIC SPECTRES.
(By a Physiologist.)
[An eminent Physician has declared that appa-
ritions are often caused by the deranged state of
the ghost-seer’s health.]
Hollo, old friend, you here again !
’Tis quite an age since last we met;
I see you ’ye still your clanking chain,
And that worn shroud is round you yet:
But, come, you look uncommon grumpy;
Is it because the churchyard’s lumpy ?
You ’re cross because I’m not afraid?
But fancy being in fear of ghosts !
We know the tricks, friend, of the trade ;
Why you come single or in hosts.
You’re supernatural?—Oh, gammon!
You ’re simply undigested salmon.
But who’s your friend ? What, does he rent
The haunted house in Berkeley Square ?
Well, well, there’s no impediment
Against his coming out for air.
Some folks might fly, but I don’t mind him,
Although he ’s left his fiesh behind him.
Why don’t I shake ?—Why, bless your hearts,
I ’ll shake my physic. Get your cloaks,
And vanish now you’ve played your parts
You ’re naught but pancreatic jokes.
Yon skeleton I ’U bet my hat is—
Just cucumber and lobster patties.
Now, friends, some other victim haunt.
Go back—I won’t say to your fires—
And tell the story of your jaunt
To Mr. Gurnet and to Myers ;
Their Psychical Research can’t question
That ghosts are only indigestion.
“WHO IS ‘G?’” OR, GUESSES AT
TRUTH.
(To the Editor.)
Sir,—Among the numerous suggestions
already made as to the writer of this famous
Article, scarcely one has been anywhere near
the mark. You may take it from me that
the Author of the Article in the
“Fortnightly” signed “G” is Lord
Garmoyle.
Yours truly, F.
Sir,—Negative evidence goes for some-
thing. The writer who signed himself “G”
was not I.
Our limits will not allow of our publishing
all the other Letters of the Alphabet on this sub-
ject.— [Ed.]
election intelligence.
The Liberals think that Lord Kensington
will “walk in” for Middlesex, with the
assistance of a good Caine. The. Conserva-
tives, on the contrary, are of opinion that he
win have to “ cut his stick.”
A (Scott) Free Rendering.
(By a Misogynist.)
0 Woman ! Suffrageless, you Shes
Have made the world a Little-ease.
But with a vote ? Great Scott ! I vow
Our daily life would be all row!
A Modus Vivendi.—At the Middlesex
Sessions, the other day, one Mary Skinner
pleaded guilty to a charge of stealing six
gloves and a bottle of brandy. From hand
to mouth.
A NUT FOR NEWRY.
Q. How would you define the term ‘ ‘ mass-
meeting ” ?
A. Leave out the first letter.
“That’s what I call Truite a la Ta-ta,v
said a well-known gourmet, when a fine trout
escaped from his hook, as he was on the
point of landing it.
Lydia to the Ladies (on the rejection of
Mr. WoodalVs Amendment).—“ Becker luck
next time ! Keep up your Becker ! ”
“Racing Fixtures.” — The Horses that
don’t run.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 21, 1884,
THREE-PER-CENT. CON-
SOLATION.
(Song of the Stockholder.)
Conversion of the Nation’s
Debt,
Oh, what a blessing, what a
boon!
The Taxpayers great relief'will
get
How sensible, how sure, how
soon!
Posterity, in after days,
Will this year’s Budget bless
and praise.
And oh, ye Fundholders, dear
friends
And brothers, what although
we lose
A portion of the dividends,
Some sixth of our accus-
tomed dues P
Our little loss will prove a great
Advantage to the suffering
State.
And if Conversion we decline
(Some Reprobates may dare
do so),
What if we ’re told, some
morning tine,
To take our principal, and go,
And so be driven, though sore
afraid,
To stake perchance our all in
trade ?
Well, well, in speculations
rash
Let us beware how we invest,
Lest we thereby may lose our
cash,
But meanwhile hope, boys,
for the best,
And join in cheers, and tol-
de-rols
Sung o’er Conversion of Con-
sols.
PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-NQ. 179.
[authentic.]
THE WRITER WHO SIGNS HIMSELF “ G.” IN THE
FORTNIGHTLY.
COMMENDABLE LUNACY.
Dear Mr. Punch,
Does the following ad-
vertisement, which appears in
the Times, emanate from Col-
ney Hatch ? I cannot conceive
it is the work of anyone in his
sober senses. Look at it!
Read it! Reflect upon it!
Here it is:—
JV/TY GOOD FRIEND.—Have
TVI received half-notes of £45.
Why persist in such unmerited
kindness ? I beg you withhold
any more.—H.
People are not, unfortu-
nately, in the habit of sending
me half-notes for £45, or,
indeed, half-notes for any-
thing. If they were, I would
reply, through the medium of
the Tunes newspaper, thus :—
MY BEST FRIEND.—Have
received half-notes of £45.
Pray persist in such a proper ap-
preciation of merit! I beg you
wilL not withhold any more.—
B. B.
Some people never know
how to make good use of their
opportunities, and those who
have this knowledge never
have any opportunities to
make use of.
Yours impecuniously,
Benjamin Backbill.
221, Stonebroke Street,
Stumer Square.
Amongst other taradiddles
from Cairo, we were told
that the Mahdi had. in-
vested Khartoum. This—il
true—might have been looked
upon as a Prophet-able
investment.
THE SCIENTIFIC SPECTRES.
(By a Physiologist.)
[An eminent Physician has declared that appa-
ritions are often caused by the deranged state of
the ghost-seer’s health.]
Hollo, old friend, you here again !
’Tis quite an age since last we met;
I see you ’ye still your clanking chain,
And that worn shroud is round you yet:
But, come, you look uncommon grumpy;
Is it because the churchyard’s lumpy ?
You ’re cross because I’m not afraid?
But fancy being in fear of ghosts !
We know the tricks, friend, of the trade ;
Why you come single or in hosts.
You’re supernatural?—Oh, gammon!
You ’re simply undigested salmon.
But who’s your friend ? What, does he rent
The haunted house in Berkeley Square ?
Well, well, there’s no impediment
Against his coming out for air.
Some folks might fly, but I don’t mind him,
Although he ’s left his fiesh behind him.
Why don’t I shake ?—Why, bless your hearts,
I ’ll shake my physic. Get your cloaks,
And vanish now you’ve played your parts
You ’re naught but pancreatic jokes.
Yon skeleton I ’U bet my hat is—
Just cucumber and lobster patties.
Now, friends, some other victim haunt.
Go back—I won’t say to your fires—
And tell the story of your jaunt
To Mr. Gurnet and to Myers ;
Their Psychical Research can’t question
That ghosts are only indigestion.
“WHO IS ‘G?’” OR, GUESSES AT
TRUTH.
(To the Editor.)
Sir,—Among the numerous suggestions
already made as to the writer of this famous
Article, scarcely one has been anywhere near
the mark. You may take it from me that
the Author of the Article in the
“Fortnightly” signed “G” is Lord
Garmoyle.
Yours truly, F.
Sir,—Negative evidence goes for some-
thing. The writer who signed himself “G”
was not I.
Our limits will not allow of our publishing
all the other Letters of the Alphabet on this sub-
ject.— [Ed.]
election intelligence.
The Liberals think that Lord Kensington
will “walk in” for Middlesex, with the
assistance of a good Caine. The. Conserva-
tives, on the contrary, are of opinion that he
win have to “ cut his stick.”
A (Scott) Free Rendering.
(By a Misogynist.)
0 Woman ! Suffrageless, you Shes
Have made the world a Little-ease.
But with a vote ? Great Scott ! I vow
Our daily life would be all row!
A Modus Vivendi.—At the Middlesex
Sessions, the other day, one Mary Skinner
pleaded guilty to a charge of stealing six
gloves and a bottle of brandy. From hand
to mouth.
A NUT FOR NEWRY.
Q. How would you define the term ‘ ‘ mass-
meeting ” ?
A. Leave out the first letter.
“That’s what I call Truite a la Ta-ta,v
said a well-known gourmet, when a fine trout
escaped from his hook, as he was on the
point of landing it.
Lydia to the Ladies (on the rejection of
Mr. WoodalVs Amendment).—“ Becker luck
next time ! Keep up your Becker ! ”
“Racing Fixtures.” — The Horses that
don’t run.