Punch (98.1890)

January i, 1890.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ll

THE SERVANTS."

Lady Patroness {Registry Office o) Charitable Society). "And why aee you leaving youe present Place ?'
Small Applicant. '"Please, 'M, the Lady said she can do with a less expebienced Seevant I"

AMONG THE AMATEURS.

No. II.—PKEPARATION.
Scene.—The Theatre of the provincial town of Blankbury. A
company of Amateurs, the " Thespian Wanderers," are rehears-
ing the ivell-known Comedy of " Heads or Tails f " Amongst
them are our friends Buckstone Boldero, Tiffington
Spines, Chaelie Gushby, and Haery Hall. Besides these,
we may note Colonel Thomas Clujik, an ex-military
Amateur, who devotes more time to acting small parts and talking
big about them than he ever did to soldiering. Then there is
Andbew Jaep, a portly and elderly partner in a considerable
firm of Solicitors, and an actor who, by long practice, has grown
perfect in the part of a Family Butler. His office is in the City, and
he drives down to it every morning in a private brougham, fitted
with a looking-glass, by the help of ichich he studies the air and
deportment characteristic of a modern Seneschal. He is a man
of few words, off as well as on the stage; but his eyes flash fury
if he hears his favourite Art derided by the scofer. Hobatio
SpUFFIL is also in the cast. He has dabbled, in literature,
but has lately abandoned such frivolity, and been elected a
Member of the London County Council. A few rising Amateur
Supers complete the male portion of the cast. The Ladies' parts
are played by professional Actresses, of the Theatres Royal
generally, who happen to be, as they pleasantly express it in
their advertisements in the "Era," "resting"—-Miss Dobothy
Shuttle, Miss Amelia Slimpee, who are new to the Amateurs,
and kitty LabeINGS, who has " assisted" the " Thespian Wan-
derers " before. Boldero is Stage Manager. The Stage is
occupied by Spines (as Colonel Debenham, a retired Indian
Officer), gushby [as Tom Tilbuey, a comic Country Squire),
and Dobothy Shuttle [as Belinda, Nurserymaid in the family
of Lord and Lady Shoethobn, represented respectively by
Boldeeo and Miss Amelia).

Boldero (from the front of the house). Stop a moment I You know
we really must settle what we are to do about those two children that
Belinda's got to wheel on in the double perambulator. I asked the

Duchess of Middlesex to lend us her twins for a couple of nights,
but she writes to say they've just got the measles. Isn't there any
one here who can help us ? {The three Ladies titter.

Gushby (in whose breast the leading part played by Spines still
rankles). Why not let Spines do it ? He's always wanting to
" double " parts, and here's a splendid chance for him.

Spinks (coldly). That's very funny— really very funny, Gushby.
It's a pity "Colonel Debenham" (alluding to his own role in the
comedy) isn't a clown's part. 1 'd give it up to you right off, if it
was. Ha, ha! (bitterly).

Colonel Clumk. There's a man in my old regiment who's got two
red-haired brats; but he wants ten shillings a night for 'em.

Boldero. That's pretty stiff. However, I'll inspect them to-
morrow. Let's get on a bit now. Come, Spines !

Spinks. Where were we ? (With an air of intense annoyance.)
These constant interruptions put one off so. Oh, yes, I remember.
(Resumes rehearsing the part of" Colonel Debenham.") "Nursemaid,
take those squalling infants away. _ I'm surprised at Lady Shobt-
hoen permitting them in the drawing-room. Wheel them away at
once—at once, I say ; or I '11 make curry-powder of the lot of you !"

Miss Dorothy Shuttle (as "Belinda "). "Well, I'm sure; I never
was so spoken to afore. {To her imaginary children.) Did the
horrid man scold them, then, pretty dears ? (To Debenham.) Ton
a Colonel P You ain't fit to be a General in the Salvation Army.
Imperence !" \Exit, wheeling an imaginary perambulator.

Boldero (enthusiastically). Excellent 1 That couldn't have been
done better. When we get the perambulator and the babies, it's
bound to go. (Miss Dorothy Shuttle is much pleased, and foresees
several stalls being taken on the occasion of her next benefit.) Now,
then (to Spines, who thinks it a mistake that a Stage Manager should
stop to praise anybody, with one exception, of course, at rehearsal),
Spines, hurry up a bit, hurry up !

Spinks. My dear Boldeeo, Pm perfectly ready to begin as soon
as ever the talking stops. I know my cues, I fancy ; but it's quite
hopeless to get on if everybody wants to talk at the same moment.
(Resumes his part as " Colonel Debenham," shaking his fist at the
departing Belinda.) " Impertinent minx! (Turns furiously on
Gushby, who is on the stage in the character of Tilbuey, the comic