Punch (98.1890)

36

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 18, 1890.

ENTERTAINING AN ENTERTAINER.

Mr. Toole, before partaking of
all the farewell luncheons, :din-
ners, and suppers, previous to his
departure for Australia.

Mr. J. L. Toole after all the farewell
lunches, &c., &c. *»* P. & 0. Co.
won't make any reduction on taking a
quantity.

THE PILFERER.

to all volapuk-speaking eolk.

There exists at this moment no institution which even aspires to
he to the Volapuk-speaking world what We were whilst still We
remained in Northumberland Street, and looked after things gene-
rally. The wise are few. The governing minds are never numerous.
But We have one, and We have determined to expand it over a new
Monthly Magazine. At the outset We, heing, after all, human, were
confronted by the difficulty of finding a title. Several suggested them-
selves to a Mind not lacking in scope. A few may be mentioned. There
was the Filibuster; the Summum Bone-em; MacheatKs Miscellany;
the Monthly Marauder; the Fisiscerator; the Literary Leech; the
Monthly Misappropriator; the Sixpenny Scoop. Each has its par-
ticular attraction and appropriateness. But, having suhmitted the : buried under a mass of unimportant writing, is overlooked. I have

drink the unfamiliar champagne. All the more need, then, that
there should be a Voice which, like that of the Muezzin from the
Eastern minaret, shall summon the Faithful to the duties imposed
hy their helief. We go into this waste land to possess it. It is
capable of being made to flourish as of old under the stimulating
radiance of a great ideal, and the diligent and intelligent culture of
one who, like Ourselves, has the capacity for direction.

Who will help Us ? There is not a street in London, nor a village
in the country, which is not capahle of producing, even at short
notice, and under slight pressure, a man or a woman who will spend
two hours a week, every week in the year, in more or less irksome
voluntary exertion in order to sell the Pilferer. To such we say,
"If, hy canvassing, or otherwise, you secure, say, six subscribers,
the Pilferer shall he sent to you as long as the six continue their sub-
scriptions." In this case, the subscriptions should he paid in advance.

Are there any among the readers of the Pilferer craving for
counsel, for sympathy, and for the consolation of pouring out their
soul's griefat so much a quart, so to speak ? If so, may we ask them
to communicate with Us f Their cases, as they submit them, will be
placed before such competent and skilful advisers as We are ahle to
gather round Us from the hest men and women in the Volapuk-
speaking world. Their confidences will be printed free of cost, and,
touched up with the literary art that shaped many a spicy series,
are likely to produce copy at once tasty and cheap. We have a heap
of letters and post-cards from eminent persons to whom we sub-
mitted the design lightly sketched above. They may he known as
" Some Letters of Marque to the Editor of the Literary Privateer."
Me. Gx-bst-ne.

Dear Mr. Pilfeber,—The idea you suggest appears to me highly
useful, as well as ingenious in relation to all who are able to appre-
ciate it. Personally I am outside this circle, and so will save my
sixpence a month. I hope you enjoyed your 'bus tour along the
Commercial Road ? Yours faithfully, W. E. G-l-dst-ne.

Mb. B-lf-b.

1, Carlton Gardens, S.W., Bee. 12, '89.
I think your scheme ought to prove useful. But isn't there some
difficulty with the original proprietors of the goods ? If I [can help
you in any way, hy putting anyone in prison, pray count upon me.
Obstruction must he put down in any form in which it presents itself.

Tours faithfully, a, j, B-lf-b,

Earl of C-bn-ev-n.
These is, no doubt, a large amount of valuahle matter which
appears from time to time in the Magazines, hut which,' being

selection of titles for the consideration of some of the foremost men 1 found this in reference to my own contributions, which have
of letters, lawyers, soldiers, scientists, and divines of our time, with j occasionally been passed over hy the public, who have preferred to
a request for an expression of their opinion, we decided upon the read the other contents,
title which appears at the head of .these few preliminary remarks. | Loed C-l-e-dge.

We are the Pilferer, price sixpence/published monthly; a reduction ! At one time of my life I wrote far too many articles to have much

on taking a quantity.
The Pilferer will not he a colourless reflection of public opinion

opinion of the ability required to produce them, or their value to
anyone when produced. What I did write was much better than the

for the time being. It will certainly not be a Party organ, and that l general run of articles. Now I do not write, there is nothing in the
for sufficient reason. Neither Party has at this moment any dis- j Magazines. If you can get it out for nothing, and] sell it for
tinctive body of doctrine, any well-conceived system of faith, which sixpence, you will do well

would justify Us in labelling Our new monthly with a Party badge,
Moreover than which, We have some reason to believe that neither
Party, nor any subdivision of Party, particularly cares to be asso-
ciated with Us. We shall therefore be independent of Party,
because, having a very clear, intelligible belief in Ourselves, We are
able to survey the struggles of contending parties from the stand-
point of sublime egotism. We are the man who can interpret the
test thought of his day in such a manner as to render it accessible
to the general intelligence of Our age. We are the true Prophet of
Our time, and We hope to make a modest profit out of Our new

venture. Hence, Our first starting point will be a deep and T-nnts-n finds" it impossible to" discover any"appreciable difference
almost awestruck regard for the destinies of the Volapuk-speaking between that step and the one whereby Mr. Pilferer impertinently,

lord W-ls-l-v.

Ranger's House, Greenwich Park, S.E. Sunday.
Deae Mr. Pilferer,—In answer to your note, I have nothing to
say of any interest. W-ls-l-y.

Loed T-nhts-n.
Hangford, Freshwater, Isle of Wight.
Loed T-nnys-n presents his compliments to Mr. Pilferer, and
begs to point out to him that had he thrust his corporeal presence
upon Lord T-nnts-n over his garden hedge, or by his area-steps,
he would have been incontinently cast forth hy the domestics. Lord

race. The American Republic we especially take under our wing
(price of the Magazine in the United States 50 cents.), whilst we work
for the Empire, seek to strengthen it, to develop it, and, when
necessary, to extend it. We believe in Ourselves, in England, and
in Humanity. We are not mad. We do not '' hear them dancing in
the hall," as used to happen when Henby Russell still filled the
stage of the Concert Hall. But we have our mission, which is to
hold the world straight, keep ourselves en evidence, and earn a
modest living.

How is this to be done ? By the preaching of a man who energises
the activity of the Church by the ideals of chivalry and the pro-
duction of a Sixpenny Monthly, made up of pickings from other
people's pockets. Visible J in many ways is the decadence of
the daily Press since We left it. The Mentor of Young De-
mocracy has abandoned philosophy, and stuffs the ears of his
Telejiachus with the skirts of Calypso's petticoats, the latest
scandals of the Court, and the prurient purrings of abandoned
womankind in places where you accept the unaccustomed cigar, and

through the medium of the unsuspecting penny post, forces himself
upon Lord T-nhts-n's notice, and impudently begs him to assist him
with a gratuitous advertisement for a commercial undertaking.

Mb. Chaeley Bates.
Middle of Next Week. Nix Alley, No. 0.
Dear Pal,—Excuse this address, but sometimes it's well not to
go into too many pertieklers. I have yours giving me an account of
your new lay. As far as I can make out, there's a lot of tradesmen
in London who, at considerable give out of swag, get swell fellers to
write articles for them. Then you plunge in, romp around, fill your
pockets with the pick of the lot, and go and sell it on your own hook.
That's good. But what I like best is the putting on of the bands
and surplice, the taking of the good book in the right hand, the
uprising of the eyeballs, and the general trotting out of the loftiest
principles, the purest motives, and the general welfare of our brother
men. You are a regular wonner, old pal, and should do; leastways,
you have the good wishes of your old friend, Charley.

(d* NOTICE.—Eejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Erawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case' be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception