Punch (98.1890)

222 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat 10, 1890.

THE QUEEN'S SERVICE.

" I see youa Servants weak Cockades now, Miss Shoddson."

"Yes. Pa's just become a Membek of the Aemy and Navst Stokes."

I/ENFANT TEERIBLE !

Chorus of Passengers, expostulating:—
Stop, William, stop! Tour game is not a game we can enjoy!
Your father's son should not thus play the Little Vulgar Boy!
This is not Margate, William mine, and ours is not a orew
Of ordinary trippers, packed aboard the Lively Loo
For a shillings-worth of suffering on a wild and wobbling sea.
Stop, William ! You '11 upset the boat! Why can't you let it be ?
Oar boat has braved a many storms. It's old and may be orank;
But though it sometimes sprang a leak, it never wholly sank.
We are not packed so close to-day as we have oft been packed.
Against some stiffer gales than this we've weathered and we've
tacked;

But, William, though our craft tos3ed wild, though loud the winds
have roared,

We've never, never had so bad a boy as you on board!
Sit down, now do, you pickle, you! Don't dance upon that thwart,
And see-saw in that sort of way. We want to get to port,
Not Davy Jones's Looker, Sir. "These roarers" are wild things,
As Shakspeabe in The Tempest says, and do not care for Kings ;
To keep them down and bale them out has always been our aim ;
But you, you just play larks with them. What is your little game ?
You, young, the latest chap on board, but of a sound old stock
OF Royal navigators, do you think it right to mock
All nautical traditions in this reckless kind of way,
And greet these waves, as Bybon did, as though with them you'd
play 1

They _'re_ dangerous playfellows, boy; tiger-cubs hardly in it
For riskiness ! I say, do stop! You'11 swamp us in a minute.
Look at your Crown! Such head-gear, boy, is seldom a tight fit,
And oscillations sometimes act as Notices to Quit!

What would your grandfather have said to see you sway and prance ?
Sit still, lad, you alarm us all. Just look at Madame Fbance !
She's thought a fairish sailor, and has doffed her Crown, but see,
She's clutching at the gunwale, too, as nervous as can be.

Whilst, as for dear Sefiora Spain and her poor little charge,

1 guess she wishes this same tub were Cleopatka's barge,

Or something broad and beamy that won't easily capsize.

Austbia's staring with a look of agonized surprise,

And Italy's dumfoundered. Sit down, boy! you 're tempting fate.

These days are trying ones, for us, 'tis worse than Forty- Eight.

Then there were winds and whirlpools, but no_Socialistic Sea

Sweeping all shores, and threatening International anarchy.

And with its waves you 're wantoning, and wobbling up and down,

Indifferent to our stomachs,—as regardless of your Crown.

Upon my honour it's too bad. Noblesse oblige, you know,

'Tis not a Hohenzollem we ^d expect to serve us so.

You've sacked our safest Pilot, who objected to your pranks,

And now you are coquetting with mad mutiny in the ranks, [foes ?

Eh ? You '11 suppress it when you please, you '11 smash up all your

'Tis a new game, for Royalty, and risky, goodness knows.

Meanwhile, don't sway the boat like that, into the sea you '11 fall;

Or, what's more likely, just capsize the craft and drown us all!

THE ROYAL ACADEMY BANQUET.

Exceptionally good in food for body and mind. " First person
present in indicative mood " is Sir Fbedeeick, the courteous Presi-
dent, pointing out to Royal Highnesses the beauties of Burlington
House. Stars, ribands, and garters everywhere. Exceptionally
distinguished personages come in with invitations only, and no
orders. Pretty to see Cardinal Manning's bright scarlet skull-cap,
quite eclipsing Rustem Pasha's fez. Cardinal distinctly observed
to smile during Mabkiss's humorous observations. " Maekiss is
ready," sounds like twin phrase to "Barkis is willin'." H.R.H.'s
speech shorter than ever. Wonderful, too, how eloquent Sir
Fbedebick contrives to spread fresh butter on dry old toasts, so that
everyone relishes them as ohoioe morsels. All speeches shorter,
except Admiralty Lord's, who, being among portrait-painters, goes
infor figures. But where is—"Mr, Stanley, I presume ?" Not here.
Invited, but perhaps exploring neighbourhood, and unable to discover
Burlington House. Altogether an exceptionally brilliant evening.