Punch (98.1890)

232 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI. [Mat 17, 1890.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
Souse of Commons, Monday, May 5.—Next year is my Jubilee-
mine and Mr. Punch's. Pup and dog, have known House of
Commons for nigh fifty years. Of course not so intimately as within
the last eight or nine years; but ever since I took my seat on piles
of bound volumes at feet of the Master, have kept one eye on

^NeveT'saw a scene to equal what took place to-night. When
House met, good deal of talk about yesterday's Labour Demonstra-
tion. Everybody agreed it was enormous, unprecedented, momentous.
The "Working Man demands a day of eight hours' labour, and will
see that he gets it. Still talking about the matter in whispers.
Second Reading of Budget Bill under discussion; Shaw-Leeevre on
legs, protesting against increased expenditure on Army and Navy.
Undertakes to show it is absolutely unnecessary. Beginning his
demonstration when hand of clock touched hour of Six. Speaker
rose with cry of " Order! Order!" Shaw-Lepevre resumed seat;
afraid he had, in exuberance of eloquence, committed some breach of
order. Members crowded in to hear what Speaker had to say.

"This Bouse," he said, as soon as silence restored, "will now
adjourn. At least I must withdraw ; and unless it can be shown that
Deputy-Speiker has been in bed all day, or otherwise idling his
time, you cannot go on. Under ordinary circumstances, House
meeting at Three o'clock, we should have adjourned sharp at Eleven
to-night; but the fact is, my day's work began at Ten this morning.
That is a necessity of my position. With interval of hasty meals, I
have been accustomed to work a maximum of twelve hours a day,
often running up to fourteen. That, however, now over. Settled
by Working Man that Labour Day should not exceed Eight Hours.
We will, therefore, now break up. I daresay some of you Hon.
Gentlemen, engaged, at the Bar or in affairs in the City, commenced
your work even earlier than Ten ? "

"Sir," said Old Morality, "I do not know whether I am in
order in speaking after the clock has struck Six, and so extending
our legal day. I will, however, promise to be brief. In fact, I rise
merely to confirm your view, Sir, of our position. For my own
part, I have been closely engaged in the business that pertains to
performance of my duty to the Q,ueen and Country, since an hour
earlier than Ten this morning, and I think I may say the same for
my friends near me on this Bench. [Ashhead-Bartlett : "Hear,
hear I "] We were, as usual, prepared to go forward with our work,
to sit here till whatever hour was necessary to accomplish it. Without
abating one jit or tottle—"

Sie William Harcoubt: " The Right Hon. Gentleman probably
means one jot or tittle."

Old Morality: "In accordance with my habit, Sir, I meant what
I said. As I was saying, when perhaps
somewhat unnecessarily interrupted by
the Right Hon. Gentleman, I do not
abate one tit or jottle of my desire to
perform my duty where duty is doo;
but since our friend the Working
Man has declared in favour of a
labouring day confined to Eight
Hours, we must needs follow him."

Old Morality packed up his
papers ; JoKiit locked up red box
containing papers relating to
Budget Scheme; Haecouet
rose to continue discussion;
discovered that Speaker
had gone, and Serjeant-at-
Arms removed Mace; so,
at few minutes past Six,
got>f£ with plenty of time
to eDjoy that recreation,
and cultivate those family relations,
not less dear to a Member of Par-
liament than to the more 'orny 'anded
son of toil. Odd. at this early hour
to hear cry of Doorkeeper, "Who
goes home ? "

" Well," says Member for St. Pan- t2„h™ i,„u,-„„

eras, "I think I'll be Bolton." And Bolton boltms-

he bolted. Business done.—New Eight Hours' Day arrangement
came into operation. Entirely successful.

Tuesday.—Ritchie a mild-mannered man, six feet high, and of
genial temperament. But there are some things he can't stand.
One is, to assume that Government Bill dealing with Local Taxa-
tion involves Compensation for disestablished publicans.

"I must say," he observed, just now, glaring on Caleb Wright,
"that I object to the word Compensation which the Hon. Gentleman
has used in his question."

What Government had done was to propose measure for the
extinction of licences. Of course, a little money would pass. Jokim,
in Budget Scheme, made provision to enable County Council to buy
out publicans. " But to call such a transaction Compensation is,"
Ritchie added, his left eye twitching in fearsome manner on Caleb
Wright, " preposterous."

That being so, House went into Committee on Allotments Bill,
and drummed away till sitting suspended.

At Evening Sitting, Bob Reld brought on Motion raising sort of
British Land Question. Wants to empower Town Councils and
County Councils m England and Scotland to acquire, either by
agreement or compulsorily, such land within their district as may be
needed for the requirements of the inhabitants. House naturally
shocked to find a Member proposing to discuss any phase of Land
Question apart from Ireland. Interposition of Great Britain in this
connection regarded as impertinence. Compromise arrived at;
agreed to leave out Scotland. On these terras^ Debate jWent forward!

The Emphatic Noes.

Chaplin in charge of case for Government. At last, in his natural
position, temporary Leader of the House.

Chaplin {aside), "Glamis and Thane of Cawdor I the greatest is
behind."

How different from ancient days and nights, when he sat below
Gangway in corner seat, that is, when he could get it. Couldn't
always; sometimes presumptuous person forestalled him. Even
when there, with notes of treasured speech in swelling breast
pocket, by no means certain he would find opportunity of convincing
Souse. Others step in, and edge him on into ignominious dinner
hour. Now a Minister of the Crown, with a new Department created
for his control; to-night in charge of Government business. Old
Morality off early, full of restful confidence.

"Chaplin's looking after things," he said, as he made himself
comfortable in his room. "Needn't bother; all will go right.
Great thing for a First Minister to have a man he can thoroughly
depend on."

"At least, Toby," Chaplin said, "those were his remarks as
reported to me. I will not deny that they are gratifying."

At the proper time—at his own time—the Minister for Agricul-
ture rose, and, positively pervading the premises, utterly demolished
Bob Reid, his supporters, his arguments, and. his resolution.

"Chaplin," Baid John Moexey, watching him with admiring
glance, "always reminds me of Victoe Hugo's description of the
Rev. Ebenezer Caudray. You remember him in Les Travailleurs
de la Mer f Haven't the book with me, but translation runs some-
thing like this:—' He had the gracefulness of a page, mingled
with the dignity of a Bishop.' Never knew that Victor Hugo was
personally acquainted with Chaplin ; but he certainly here hits off
his characteristics in a phrase."

Business done.—Miscellaneous, and not much.

Thursday.— 1 Where do you put'the Cow ?"

" Was ever man interrupted with such a question in such circum-
stances ?" asked Jesse Collings, unconsciously quoting Tristram
Shandy's father.

Circumstances sufficiently strange to make a man quote Steene,
even if he'd never read his masterpiece. House in Committee on
Budget Bill. Storey moved Amendment on Clause 26, dealing with
exemption from Inhabited House Duty of tenement buildings.
Chancellor of the Exchequer taken part in the Debate. Charles
Russell said a few words. House in most serious, not to say
depressed mood. Subject particularly inviting for Jesse; always
advocated welfare of Working Classes; now seized opportunity to
descant on theme. Detailed with growing warmth arrangements
desirable for perfecting sanitation of houses for Working Classes;
when Tanner, crossing arms and legs, and cocking head on one