Punch (100.1891)

January 31, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. si

" Ere I depart (if go I must, Tim Healy)
Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.
Tell ns in plain round words, without evasion, the

True Hawarden story."

Knife-Grinder.

" Story ! (rod bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir !
Never tell stories, I; 'tis my sole business
This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, ' Knives and

Scissors to grind 0 ! '

" Constabulary ? Question of Land Purchase ?
Number of Irish Members due in justice ?
Never said aught about 'em; don't intend to—

Not for the present.

" I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth ;
Grind on alone, if you will give me carte-blanche,
Make room for Justin, and forbear to meddle

With politics, Sir ! "

Friend of Ireland.

" /give thee carte-blanche ? I will see thee blowed first—
Fraud ! whom no frank appeal can move to frankness—
Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning

Subtle Old Spider ! !! "
[Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit in a
fury of patriotic enthusiasm and forcible language.

CAPITAL AND LABOUH FORECAST;

Or, Six of One and Half-a-Dozen of tlie Olher.

Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to have
prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the outlook can scarcely
be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of the Amalgamated En-
gineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder Stran-
gulation Society was held on Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon, at
which, amid a good deal of boisterous interruption, several delegates
addressed the assembled audience and recounted their recent ex-
periences up to date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old
hands out of work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm,
"their just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the
South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important bodies
than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers' Association, and
Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society, they had been able to
stay out and defy the Company, receiving all the while, every man
of them, a stipend of 3«. 9c?. a-week, still they had almost come to
the end of their resources, and all that they had in hand towards
next week's fund for distribution, was £1 13s. lid., received in
coppers from the Deputy-Chairman of the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-
blacking Brigade, accompanied with an intimation that that help must
be regarded as the last that can be counted on from that quarter.
Under these circumstances it became a question whether it was not
almost time to consider some terms of compromise.

In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the meeting,
but he was speedily followed by another, who insisted that, "come
what might," they would stick to their latest terms, which were, a
three-hours' day— (loud cheers) —and time-and-three-quarters for
any work expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. [Prolonged
cheering.)

A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their cheering,
but could they get it ? (A Voice, " We'll try ! ") For his part, the
speaker continued, he had had enough of trying. With wife and
children starving at home, he had only one course open to him, and
that was, to knock under to the Company and their ten-hours' day,
if they would have him. (Groans, amid which the Speaker had his
hat knocked over his eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly.)

The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein, and
eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the Chairman got his
head broken, on declaring that a Motion further limiting the work-
ins' day to two hours and a half, was lost by a narrow majority.

Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour Protection
Company met at their Central Offices for the despatch of their usual
business. The ordinary Report was read, which announced that
though the affairs of three great Railway Companies had "gone"
literally "to the dogs," still, the Directors of each had to be con-
gratulated on showing a firm front, in refusing to acknowledge even
the existence of their employes. The usual congratulatory Motions
were put, pro forma, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation
of gloomy satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.

"A Salvage Man."

Rr/DYATiD Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan ;
He describes in strong language " the savage in Man."
Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he ravages.
We'd like just a leetle more "Man " in his savages.

IN SELF-DEFENCE.

Jones (who has just told his best Story, and been rewarded with a gentle
smile). "Upon my word, Women" haven't got the real sense of
Hdmotjr ! Why, when I heard that Story for the first time,
only last Week, I simply roared !"

Miss Smith. "So did I—only it was Last Year I "

FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.

We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him on
the piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe weather)
to hear Stavenhagen at St. James's Hall, Thursday last, the 22nd.
Our Musical B. was nearly turned out of the hall, he was in such
ecstasies of delight over a Beethovenly concerto, which "bangs
Banagher," he said, subsequently translating the expression by
explaining, "that is, beats Beethoven." Our M. B. wept over a
cadenza composed by the performer, and was only restored by the
appearance—her first—of Madame Stavenhagen, who gave some-
body's grand scena far better, probably, than that somebody could
have given it himself, set as it was to fine descriptive music by the
clever Stavenhagen, which delighted all hearers, especially those
who were LiszT-eners. " Altogether," writes our Musical Box, "a
very big success. Music is thirsty work. I am now about to do a
symphony in B. and S^_

vice versa.
A Poet in the Forum asks the question,
" Is Yerse in Danger ? " 'Tis a wild suggestion I
Is Yerse in Danger ? Nay, that's not the curse ;
Danger (of utter boredom) is in Yerse!

"Odd Man Out."—On Saturday last, the last among the theatri-
cal advertisements in the Daily Telegraph was the mysterious one,
"Mr. Charles Sugden at Liberty," and then followed his
address. " At Liberty! " What does it mean ? Has he been—it is a
little difficult to choose the right word, but let us say immured—has
he been immured in some cell ?—for it does sound like a " sell" of
another sort—and has he at last effected a sensational escape ? No
doubt Charles, our friend, will be able to offer the public a satis-
factory explanation when he re-appears on the Stage which suffers
from his absence.