Punch: Punch (100.1891)

March u, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 131

ME. JONATHAN AND MISS CANADA.

" What are you doing, my pretty Maid ? "
" I'm coming from voting, Sir," she said.
" May I question you, my pretty Maid ? "
" Yes, if you please, kind Sir," she said.
" Who is your father, my pretty Maid ? "
" John Bull is my father, Sir," she said.
"And what is your fortune, my pretty
Maid ? "

" My race is my fortune, Sir," she said. _
" Then I can't annex you, my pretty Maid!"
" Nobody axed you, Sir ! " she said.

Giving a Lodger Notice to Q,clt. —
Mr. Punch, Perpetual Universal Grand Past,
Present, and Future Master, congratulates |
H.R.H., Grand Master of English Free- 1
masons, on his plucky and straightforward
action with regard to the G. M. of Otago and
Southland, New Zealand, who, having con-
travened the resolution of Grand Lodge,
March 6, 1878, may now exclaim, in bitter-
ness of spirit, "0 for a Lodge in some vast
Wilderness ! " "for," says in effect, H.R.H.,
G.M., as the once frequently quoted Some-
body observed to a person whose name was
not Dr. Ferguson, "you don't lodge here!"

Reciprocity. — "Mace," in The Illus-
trated London News, says, sweepingly:—
"No Under- Secretary ever has any opinion of
his own." Perhaps that is why the Public
seldom has any opinion of an Under-Secretary!

AMERICAN " COPYRIGHT BILL" IN A NEW PART.

" Die, Villain I"

" The extinction of literary piracy in America has been decreed."—Times Leader, March 5.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTBACTED FKOM THE DIAET OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, March 2. — Navy Estimates on
to-night. Millions of money to be voted, and only fourteen Members
present. One, it is true, is Harcocrt ; so perhaps the most accurate
enumeration of the aggregate would be fifteen.

" Que diable allait-il faire dans ce jolly-boat?" George Hamilton
asks, pausing for a moment in his incessant occupation of tearing up
strips of paper to glance across table at portly figure reclining on
Front Opposition Bench. Several Admirals and Captains have
spoken. Members generally have fled the burning deck. Even Old
Morality's sense of duty to his Queen and Country cannot restrain
his flight; but Casaeianca Harcocrt still
remains. A little provoking for the Old
Salts descanting on Naval affairs to observe
smile of pitying toleration with which he
listens. Doesn't say they 're all wrong, but
smiles it. Even the voice of the Reverbera-
ting Colour falters when, glancing round
the great gaps of empty Benches opposite, hia
eye falls on Harcocrt.

"Sir, I repeat," he said, quite angrily,
though no one had contradicted him, " that
during the period that has elapsed since com-
mencement of the present reign, the revenue
of the United Kingdom has increased only
one-and-a-half times, while that of the out-
lying Empire has multiplied five-fold."

General admission that Harcocrt is a
master in nearly every department of human
knowledge. Up to to-night fondly thought
that at least he knew nothing about the
Navy. But he does ; knows more than Ad-
miral Field, or Admiral Matne, or even
Colonel Gocrlet. Presently rose and deli-
vered slashing speech, laying low the Rever-
berating Colomb as if he had been set up
in the Place Vendome ; reviewing the British
Fleet in masterly style ; nimbly running up
the mainmast and sighting Jerusalem and
Madagascar, to the absolute confounding of
the First Lord of the Admiralty.

" Well," said Kerans, drawing himself 0
up to something more than his full height, 8ometW than hls
"that's the most remarkable exhibition I

ever heard, even from Harcocrt. We've nothing like it on our side.

Howorth knows a thing or two, and Hanbcrt isn't lacking in
accomplishment; but for versatility, for profundity of knowledge,
for readiness of grasp, whether the object be a lawyer's brief, a
Chancellor of the Exchequer's ledger, the hilt of a sword, or the
tiller of a ship, give me Harcocrt."

Business done.—Committee on the Navy Estimates.

Tuesday.—Wolmer asked Old Morality what about the Fog ?
Couldn't something be done to lighten it, say by appointment of
Royal Commission ? Old Morality beamed across House upon
his young friend with expression of almost paternal; solicitude.
Wolmer is Whip of the allied force. What did he mean by
suddenly springing this question on the First Lord of the Treasury ?
Was there more in it than met the eye ? Had it something to do,
however obscurely, with the maintenance of the Union ? _

Chamberlain sat on the Front Bench opposite, staring straight
into space with Sphynx-like countenance. Hartington, with hat
cunningly tipped over eyes, hid what secret may have lain far in
their pellucid depths. Henry James became suddenly absorbed in
the brown gaiters he has recently added to the graces of his personal
appearance, in pathetic admission that the natural charms of youth
are at length fading.

Nothing to be gained by the inspection. _ If the cause of the
Union really was at stake, the springs of motive were hidden behind
the smiling countenance of the Machiavellian Wolmer. The only
thing to do, and it is quite foreign to the habits of Old Morality,
was to meet guile with guile. Wolmer's question, plain enough as
it appeared in print on the prosaic Orders, was, "Will Her Majesty's
Ministers consider the advisability of appointing a Royal Commission
to examine and report how far the evil of Fog is one that may be
mitigated by legislation ?"

"Sir," said Old Morality, rising to the occasion, "I have to
assure my Noble Friend that Her Majesty's Government are, in
common with other inhabitants of the Metropolis, extremely sensible
of the serious injury, disturbance, and hardship inflicted by the
increasing prevalence of fog. What, it may be asked, is the cause
of the London fog? These fogs, which occur generally in the
winter time, are occasioned thus: some current of air, being sud-
denly cooled, descends into the warm streets, forcing back the smoke
in a mass towards the earth. But, my Noble Friend might ask, why
are there not fogs every night ? I will tell him, for this is a matter
in which Her Majesty's Government have nothing to hide, or, I may
add, to conceal. Our wish is to meet the convenience of Hon. Gentle-
men in whatever part of the House they sit. Fogs—this I have no
hesitation in Btating—do not supervene without intermission on
successive nights, because the air will always hold in solution a
certain quantity of vapour which varies according to its temperature,
and when the air is not saturated, it may be cooled without parting
with its vapour. Yes, I know. My Right Hon. Friend, the Member