Punch (100.1891)

March 28, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

155

RAIKES REX!

Somebody once said that ultimately the Solar System would
probably become a branch of the General Post Office. The present
Postmaster-General is obviously of opinion that that state of things
has already come about.

To rule a realm as limitless as space,

With the great G. P. 0. as Central San,
Raikes is the man. Of Great Panjandrum race,

He's Autocrat and Oracle in one.
The Universe indeed were no great shakes
Without Raikes Hex for Ruler. Vivat E,aiees 1!!

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, March 16.—House of Commons

really looked to-night as if it meant fighting. No lack of matter
for quarrel. Even before public business was reached, Orders
bristled with Motions raising controversial points. Lord Chunnel-
Tannel, that man of peace, was to the fore; his Bill, extending
Manchester, Sheffield, and Lincolnshire Railway into London via,
Lord's Cricket Ground, down for Second Reading. That redoubt-
able Parliamentary Archer Baujiann also on alert. Has taken
under his personal charge the social and material welfare of Me-
tropolis ; at one time Habby Lawson, on other side of House,

disputed supremacy of position with
him. But, as Sabk says, Batjmann has
immense advantage of making Liberal
speeches from Conservative side.

"If," says Sauk. "I had to begin
my Parliamentary life again, I would
sit for a Tory borough, and advocate
Radical notions. If it were possible, I
would, with such a programme, like to
represent one of the Universities, Ox-
ford for choice. There's a sameness
about fellows who ?et up from Liberal
benches and spout Radicalism, or about
men who talk Toryism from the Conser-
vative camp. It's what was expected ;
what the House of Commons enjoys is
the unexpected. Gbandolph knows
tbat very well. If he'd come out as a
Liberal, he wouldn't have been half
the power he is. The secret of success
in political life, my young friend, is to
sit in darkness, and clothe yourself with
light. The thing doesn't hold good in
the converse direction. A man sitting
on Liberal benches, and talking Toryism,
will gain cheers from other side, but
not much else. Look at Hobsjian in

the past; look at Jokim in the present. I l™^urgent"necessity
n .,, -n Certainly he is Chancellob of the

Cupids Bowman. Exchequer ; but, even with that, I

suppose you wouldn't call him a political success ? "

Sabk a little prosy and opinionated; otherwise a good fellow.
Whilst his homily in progress ground considerably cleared. Man-
chester, Sheffield, and Lincolnshire Bill put off till to-morrow ; Ken-
sington Subway Bill withdrawn; Bauhann triumphant. Still
remained public business ; Oil) Mobility led off with proposal to
take Tuesdays and Fridays for morning sittings and Opposition
mustered in great force; Mr. G. present, glowing with his own
eulogy on Abtemis. Old Mobalitt moved Resolution with depre-
catory deferential manner; only desire was to do his duty to Queen
and Country and meet the convenience of Honourable Gentlemen
sitting in whatever part of the House they might find themselves.
Evidently expected outburst of indignant refusal, long debate, and a
big division. Some indignation, but little debate and no division.
Everyone on Opposition Benches seemed to expect some one else to
declare himself irreconcilable. When question put, a pause ; no
one rose to continue the successive brief speeches; before you
could say Jaiies Eebguson, Government had, on this 16th of March,
practically secured all working time for remainder of Session.

"I feel like Clive," said Old Mobalitt; "or was it Wabben
Hastings ? Anyhow I am amazed at my own moderation."
Business done.—Morning Sittings arranged for rest of Session.

Tuesday.—"Lords" and Commons came in conflict to-day under
novel circumstances. Lord Tannel-Chunnel, pending settlement
of question about makine his Channel Tunnel, is promoting new
trunk line of railway. Means to bring the Manchester, Sheffield
and Lincoln line straight into London; terminus comes in by
Lord's Cricket Ground; invades the sweet simplicity of St. John's

Wood ; artistic popula-
tion of that quarter up
in arms ; shriek protest
in Lord Chunnel-Tan-
nel's ear, and shake at
him the angry fist. But
Tannel-Chunnel not
a Baron easily turned
aside from accomplish-
ment of his projects.
Squares Committee of
" Lords " ; impresses
into support of his
scheme representatives
of all the big towns on
the route; Manchester,
Nottingham, Leicester,
all cheer him on; Libe-
rals, Conservatives, Dis-
sentient Liberals, swell
his majority. Second
Reading of Bill carried
by more than two to one.

"How's that, Um-
pire?" Chunnel-Tan-
nel asked, carrying
out his_ bat. "Well
played, indeed!" said
the Speakeb.

Seemed at one time as
if blood would flow, and
pore would stain the
floor of House. Babnes
and Wiggins were in it,
but what it was all about
not quite clear. Some-
thing to do with a coal-
truck. As far as could
be madeoutfrom choked
utterances of Babnes,
there had at some remote
period been a coal-truck
despatched to London
by the Midland route.
Something happened to
it; either it was de-
layed, or it arrived
empty, or it didn't ar-
rive at all. However,
it was quite clear to
Babnes that the time
had come when a new
line of railway giving
direct access to London
from the Midlands was

Wiggins observed to be
wriggling in his seat
during the Babnes
oration. Made several
attempts to catch
Speakeb's eye ; at
length succeeded ; his
suppressed fury was
terrible to behold; his
rage Titanic. He at least
knew all about that
coal-truck ; though, as
far as House was con-
cerned, he did not
succeed in lifting the
mystery in which
Babnes had enveloped
it. Whether it was
Wiggins's coal, or
merely Wiggins's
truck ; whether Wig-
gins happened to be
in the truck when it
went astray; or whether
it was Babnes that was
in it; or whether no-
thing was in it but
the coal ; or whether,
coming back to an

earlier point, there was THE LORDS IN THE COMMONS.