Punch: Punch (33.1857)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 11, 1857.

THE CIVIL CABMAN.

Cabhy (to Old Party, who has been to the Crystal Palace). " Want a Cab, Sir?—Sorry I'm
Engaged, Sir !—-Werry 'Appt to Take you NEXT WEEK !"

WHERE JS THE SERVICE GOING T01

Or the Linesman's Lament.

I Came into the Army,

To idle, dress, and dine ;
Oh, wasn't I a dummy,
To go into the Line!

First you pay for your commission ;

But that is all a sham;
Before a chap's Gazetted,
He must bolt no end of cram.

And when that he has bolted it,

With sorrow and with pain ;
He must go and be examined,
And spit it out again!

And when that humbug's over,

Do you think you 're free ? oh no :
You 're ordered to Fort William,
On instructional depot!

Bort William—just fancy!

In Scotland—far away !
They might just as well send fellows
At once to Botany Bay.

If they'd let one take a moor, now,

It wouldn't be so bad—
But bless you, leave for stalking
Or shooting, can't be had.

I asked that stiff old fogey,

(Such a muff) our Major, Stern,
And what do you think his answer ?
" Sir, you are here to learn ! "

So one's drilled and schooled and hum-
bugged, _
And if one tries to shirk,
There's Sib, Colin down upon one,
As savage as a Turk.

And when one's done with Depot,
And expects to have one's play,
One's ordered off to musketry,
At flythe with Colonel Hay.

When with that—hem !—Enfield rifle,

One must practise till, at nights,
Instead of sleeping soundly,
One keeps on taking sights.

I didn't join the Army,

For this sort of life at all—
But for dress and lush, and larking,
And the other style of ball.

But as for togs—they tell us

We 're to dress for use, not show !
There's no end of row, in mufti
If a fellow dares to go.

And in short they mean to .swamp us

With snobs, that's very plain;
For they've cut down the messes
To two bob, and no champagne !

They seem to think an officer

Is not for show but use .
In fact, it's clear the Army
Is going to the Deuce!

" ABMA VIRUMQUE CANO."

Theke is progress still in Paris. A grand victory has been carried, and without a single
barricade ! tJ enceforth, a visitor is allowed to enter the " Exposition of Painting," and carry
his cane with him. He is not compelled to leave it at the vestibule, nor called upon to pay
two or three sous for the guardianship of it. The value of this victory must not be under-
rated, for it has taken no les^ than 1857 years of hard grumbling, diplomacy, squibs, bon-mots,
and rhetorical fighting to bring it to a successful issue. There is but one regret—the Momteur
neglects to furnish us with the name of the Hannibal, who is the conqueror of this new
Bataille de Cannce—m, to speak like a French Classical stick, de Cannes. Perhaps it is Lobd
Brougham, for he is generally looked upon as the great Hero of Cannes ? In the meantime,
who is to abobsh a still greater folly in England ? Where is the conquering genius who
will put down in this countrv all the Gold Sticks, and Silver Sticks, in Waiting?

What we may Expect.

The Coming Comet has gone in search of the
Coming Man. As soon as they meet, it is
expected they will visit the Earth together—
the Coming Man on the back of the Coming
Comet! This twin-phenomenon, this double
"blaze of triumph," will amply atone, it is to
be hoped, for any little disappointment that the
sanguine and superstitious may have felt at their
late shortcomings.