Punch: Punch (33.1857)

38

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 25, 1857.

WHAT AN ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH.

"01 look'ee 'ere, Jane, 'ere't one of them Hacrobats a-goin' to do the ladder-trick!'

THE MORAL OF MAYO ELECTION.

Earewell, Mr. Moore,

At the back of the door
Of St. Stephen's I see you delighted.

I'm glad that the hope

Of the priests and the Pope,
In your loss of your seat, has been blighted.

Your priests find the plan,

To curse and to ban,
And threaten excommunication,

Is best let alone;

You 're ousted, och hone!
Because of their intimidation.

Of them there are two,

Still worse off than you,
Which my satisfaction doth double ;

Their scandalous tricks

Have put them in a fix;
They 're likely to get into trouble.

So now, Moore begone ;

A new era will dawn,
Of freedom for Pat from subjection,

To such rabid beasts,

As those pretty priests,
Who tampered with Mayo Election.

A Libel on the Sex.

We see a book advertised under the scandalous title
of " A Woman's Story." Now it is a notorious fact
that women never do tell Stories. They may tell "a
fib" occasionally—but as for "a Story," it's a moral
impossibility. The worst is, the Story must be a thump-
ing big one, for we see by the advertisement that it
fills 3 Yols. It pains us to say that Mrs. S. C. Hall
(the delinquent in question—and, without question, a
very great delinquent) ought to be ashamed of herself!
The libel on her own sex is so outrageous, that we
cannot help saying, with the greatest indignation —
"Pie!"

QUITE A NEW CRY.

One of our contemporaries, describing one of the Royal visits, says
Most gushingly:—

" There came into our eye an involuntary half-tear."

We have heard many persons say that they had "half-a-mind "—we
have also heard many a person called " half-a-fool,"—but " half-a-tcar "
is a decided novelty in this " Vale of Tears ! " Eor ourselves, we little
suspected that a tear could be torn in two, like a Bank-note. Perhaps,
our crying correspondent kept the other half himself, so that the two
halves may be matched together on some future cry ? or it may be,
that the other half was in the other eye; for if you notice, the poor
fellow, who fathoms his grief with such an accurate plumb line, only
alludes to one eye. We suppose a half-tear is shed when one has had
only " half-a-dinner "—or, perhaps, it appropriately occurs when one is
"half-seas-over?" Anyhow, the absurdity is too "good by half" not
to be further encouraged. We hope our semi-lachrymose tear-shedder
will next favour us with expression of sorrow as nicely subdivided as
the following:—"Our bosom heaved with a three-quarter sigh," or,
" We couldn't well speak for the f emotion that oppressed us."

Stooping for Strawberries.

In some of the suburbs admission to strawberry beds, with right of
eating at discretion, may be had for Is. or Is. 6d. These may be re-
munerative prices to ask from persons whose liberty to eat as many
strawberries as they please is accompanied by the necessity of having
to pick them. Although Is. may be enough to demand from gentlemen
over forty, boys under eighteen should be charged 5s.

The Thing that should Bind the two Nations together.

Frederick Peel, when he was taken to the Atlantic Submarine
Telegrapn Company's Office, and saw the miles upon miles of iron-wire
cable, shook his head most ominously, and a tear was observed to
steal into his manly eye, as he said in a tone of the deepest despon-
dency : " Ah ! ah ! A sad mistake—it should have been Red Tape ! "

GOLDSMITH'S GOLD.

Subscriptions for the remotest descendants of great men beiug now
so common, we have no hesitation in soliciting the public attention to
a young lady who is evidently one of the posterity of the Vicar of
Wakefield.

She is a native of Hamburgh, and advertises that she would like

" To engage herself in a respectable English family, to teach the French and
German languages, in exchange for board and lodging, and the opportunity o?
learning English."

The eldest son of the Vicar of Wakefield went to Holland to teach
English to the Dutch, but forgot, until his arrival, that he could not
speak to them. The amiable young advertiser is clearly of his kith
and hin.

Let all who have admired the Vicar of Wakefield send their contri-
butions to Mr. Punch, 85, Eleet Street. He will take care that they
are applied with the utmost delicacy ; in fact, nobody shall ever hear of
them again.

The Harrow Turn-out.

Lord Palmerston, in acknowledging his health, drunk in his
original character of "a Harrow boy" at the last annual festival of
the Harrovians, declared that no other public school in the Kingdom
had had the good fortune to turn out such men as Lord Aberdeen,
the Earl of Ripon, and the late Sir Robert Peel. Lord Palmer-
ston is modest; he did at least as much as his school to turn out two
of the three statesmen mentioned.

A Resource for Some Sovereigns.

Prince Frederick William, of Prussia, was presented last week
with the freedom of the City of London. We sincerely hope that the
husband of our Princess, at least, will never have occasion to make any
use of the rights and privileges conferred upon him in making him that
present. Some Continental monarchs would perhaps have a real boon
granted them in being empowered to set up shop, in a possible contin-
gency, within the jurisdiction of the Lord Mayor.