Punch: Punch (33.1857)

October 10, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 149

men, except one, and he squints, and is engaged. Polly is a sweetly
pretty name, and there has been a time when, on the hint in your letter,
we should have mounted our gallant steed, and ridden away to have
a look at her. But those days are over. You cleverly allude to one
Harry Jones, as attached to her. So, you have caught Harry Jones,
have you ? Then be satisfied.

We have some notion that you are a very good Mother-in-Law. That
you watch anxiously over your child's happiness, as you cannot and
ought not to avoid doing, but don't have a permanent watch-box in her
husband's house. That you recollect that your chfld and her husband
are one, and that if he is made uncomfortable, she will suffer also.
That you are rather grateful to him for having taken your angel under
his care, and entered into bonds to society and the law to provide for
her to the end of her days. That you always set his conduct in the
best light before her, and never tell her anything that you may hear, or
imagine, against him. That you give her motherly and rational advice
about her chfldren, without establishing yourself as Governess-General.
That you never contrast the behaviour of one of your sons-in-law with
that of an other, and make Maria sulky with her husband because
Fanny has (according to you) been promised a new moire antique while
Maria's husband can't see that that silk has been worn often enough.
That you don't use Maria's influence upon her husband to get him
to accept bills for your son by your first marriage, or to be your
wine-merchanting and small-coaling brother's security to an assurance
society. That, in short, you are an admirable woman, and one of whom
(to say -nothing of your still handsome face) a son-in-law is as proud as
a man ought to be of any feminine connection.

You are all this, Madam. So are many thousands of Mothers-in-
Law (we have been told), and that those who are not may reform
themselves into the likeness of those who are, Mr. Punch occasionally
administers salutary hints and advice. Are you answered, Madam P
Was a Wife's Mother ever answered ?

DOUBTFUL BENEFIT OF CLERGY.

O readers of the Record
and similarly biassed
prints, it is no uncom-
mon thing to see a cook
or housemaid advertise
herself as being "truly
pious," which epithet is
classed with her com-
mendatory qualities, her
knowledge of made dishes
or proficiency in needle-
work. This sort of kit-
chen stuff must be in de-
mand with some people,
or there would soon cease
to be provided a supply
of it. Servants, no doubt,
find it answer to prefix
themselves as pious, or
they would most probably
not pay for space to do so.
Whatever be our own
opinion on the subject,
that adjective may prove
of serious advantage to
them in applying for a
situation in a Serious
Family.
It is only by a some-
what similar assumption that we are able to explain the following
advertisement, which, merely altering the last three letters of the
name, we quote in its entirety from side paper :—■

CADGER.

MOTHERS AND FATHERS WHO WISH TO HAVK

PURE HOME MADE BREAD

for their families, can be confidently recommended by
a Clergyman and family to

CADGER'S, 145, LOW STREET,

NEAR THE OLD POST OFFICE.

The Clergy, it is true, are reputed 'to look sharply out for loaves and
fishes, but we cannot assume therefore that their judgment of "pure
home-made bread" is superior to other people's : indeed we should
ourselves put much more faith in the opinion of a chemist or physician.
A Clergyman we grant, may be a connoisseur of crust in port, and the
crustiness of loaves may also come within his knowledge : but of their
make and freedom from adulteration, he can be no better judge by
virtue of his calling. It may be in his profession to examine and to
analyse the purity of motives, but he can pretend to no more insight
into that of bread than had he remained a member of the laity.

But however much it puzzles us to guess the reason why a Clergyman
should so prominently figure in a baker's advertisement, it is a still
greater bewilderment to find his family dragged in as referees also.
We might almost think from this, that so little weight attaches to the
Clergyman's opinion that additional testimony is deemed requisite to
back it. Or are we to infer, that the family act merely as deputy
respondents, and that when the Clergyman is absent one of them is
always in the way to answer questions ? We are much too lazy now
to try to solve this problem, and indeed it would be quite a waste of
idle time to do so. But without much deep reflection, we may see,
however pure this home-made bread may be, so reverend a reference is
quite as pure a puff: and the benefit of clergy in such a case as this,
to use the mildest adjective, we must consider doubtful.

Now, with all respect and reverence for the uses of the Church, we
cannot see what use it can be to the community to know what bakers'
bread a Clergyman affects—and it puzzles us to think why a Clergyman's
approval should be deemed of so much worth in so unclerical a matter.

TH ft ULTRA MONTANE AGAINST ENGLAND.

to his fetiche.

A Bigot, kneeling to a doll, cut angles on his breast,

And he prayed against Old England, whom the Roman priests detest,

An object sad he was to see for any Christian souls,

With his sinister and scowling eyes, and his sallow lantern joles.

"How long," the shaven devotee the painted doll besought,
"Ere England's power and greatness shall to nothingness be brought?
Oh ! when shall dogged courage her possessions fad to save ?
When shall her now triumphant fleets be swept from every wave ?

" Shall she survive this Indian blow, and rise agaiu once more,
As we, alas ! have seen her do so many times before,
According to her boastful strain, the Saints which should provoke,
More dreadful to her enemies for every foreign stroke.

" How long ere we shall point to her, and say : Lo ! where she lies,
Who dared resist the Holy See, and Rome's decrees despise ?
Till then, except us faithful, who with flowers will deck thy shrine,
And bend the knee before thee, and acknowledge thee divine ?

'How soon, were England's sun set, would the pious night return,
Which to illuminate we should our holy tapers burn !
The baleful rays of Knowledge would be soon extinguished quite,
Then Eaith, once more, again on Earth would shed the only light.

"The old world's glory underwent a long and deep eclipse,
When all that any one was taught proceeded from our lips ;
Why should not modern science—that to witchcraft is akin-
Decline and die like classic lore, alike the birth of sin ?

" The sun will then move round the earth as it was wont of yore,
Antipodes will scandalize the faithful soul no more ;
And Heaven will be above the vault of blue, o'erhanging wide,
With none but those who worship thee upon the other side.

"No longer, then, the iron horse will fly with wings of steam,
Presumption's lightning wire will then have vanished like a dream ;
True miracles will these succeed ; and Saints, secure from jokes,
Will shine by night and oceans cross upon their sacred cloaks.

"But, ah ! while England holds her own, a beacon to mankind,

Vile heresy will rear its head, refusing to be blind

In order by our priestly aid that it may learn to see,'

And tell its beads and sing its hymns, and say its prayers to thee.

" Oh ! expedite the happy hour when man shall cease to think,
And all confess that thou canst nod, and own that thou canst wink,
But this will never come to pass while England's hale and strong;
How long ere she shall perish then, adorable, how long ? "

A Blue-Stocking that Wants Mending.

An elderly Bas Bleu, being asked for an inscription to the Jenner
Monument, seized hold of a pen in a Delphic frenzy of inspiration,
and, in the readiest manner, dotted down the fodowing :—

Pom durante!

'HE REPEALED THE SMALL POX.