Punch: Punch (33.1857)

December 5, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

229

Game Law being an ancient institution and of course regarded as a
Bulwark of the State, it will be found, (as all these ancient ones die
hard,) that there will be no easy work to make it a dead letter. But
as anything that tends to bring it into disrepute also tends to bring us
Df arer to its annihilation, we think the country is indebted to the zeal
of Mr. Balleny, whose overstepping of the law we regard as a right
step in the direction to remove it.

THE NOSE A TEST OF COLOUR.

eally we fancy that the
Nose has a sense of colour.
It must be endowed with
some faculty of the kind, for
there is no other feature that
betrays so lively a sensibility
to the various gradations of
colour. It changes, too, ac-
cording to the seasons. In
summer, it is a delicate red
colour; in winter, as if to
compensate us for the loss of
the fog-craped heavens, the
nostrils shine out with a beau-
tiful pale blue. We have seen
a nose almost turn black,
when a bungling servant has
spilt some turtle down the
neck of its proprietor's coat.
At other times, we have dis-
covered a slight tinge of green
settle on the nasal tips of
certain elderly ladies, when
they have been more than
usually jealous of the success
of a younger rival. Crimson
tints, we believe, are common
enough on clerical counte-
nances in cathedral towns,
and other luminaries who
are apt to moisten their argu-
ments with plenty of port
wine.

Moreover, have not all of
us noticed, when a person
has received an unexpected coin from a miser, or a skin-flint, or a
practised promise-breaker, or an accomplished swindler, how carefully
he approaches it to his nostrils, as though he were anxious, not [merely
to see the colour of the gentleman's money, but to insniff the smell of
it also ? We have observed the same peculiarity in picture-buyers.
They seem to rub their noses almost against the canvas. The same
forwardness is displayed by young gentlemen, when a pretty young
lady is introduced to their notice. The way in which they thrust
their noses vulgarly forward, is clearly done to enable them to test
the colour of her eyes.

ANOTHER PARISIAN EMBELLISHMENT.

A Correspondent, on whose veracity we can generally place the
greatest reliance, has just written over to us to say, that he has seen a
pretty woman in Paris !!! *

* On reflection, the above fact seemed to us so iucredible, that we thought it our
duty to inquire into the truth of it. Accordingly, we lost no time in sending a
telegraphic despatch to Paris, and this is the Telegram we have received in
answer:—

" No romance ! It is quite true ! ! A pretty woman was seen this morning at
5 m. to 12, on the Boulevards, at the corner of the Rue Montorgueuil.
" The whole town has since been in a state of imeuie.
" The crowd is tremendous,

" The military are ordered out. " (Signed) Cowley."

Second Telegram (four hours later).
" The pretty woman has left.

" Order reigns again in Paris. " (Signed) Cowley."

Third Telegram (five minutes afterwards).
" I have left out the most important fact.

" The pretty woman was an Englishwoman ! .' ! " (Signed) Cowley."

Cultivation of the Pair.

Op late years the Pair has been remarkable for its slow growth.
While in India it reaches maturity early in the spring, it is often the
latter end of summer before it can be forced in the hothouses ot
Belgravia. The Pair requires warmth, and should be carefully watched.
A little gold-dust sprinkled over the younger branches will frequently
produce a very nice Pair.

A GARLAND OF WIT.

The Editor of the Paris Figaro has commenced (we learn from the
Globe) a series of hebdomadal dinners, for the easier accumulation of
witticisms to adorn his lively journal. His plan is to invite anybody
of decent social standing, and the invited guest is to pay, as the price
of his ticket, ten francs and one new bon mot. The plan answers won-
derfully, and several English dramatic authors have clubbed to take a
copy of Figaro, and divide the jokes as honestly as their temperaments
will permit.

The Editor of the Saturday Review, being equally alive to the
advantage of getting some little liveliness into his pages, has, we under-
stand, adopted the same course, and with even more marked results.
He has commenced a series of tripe-suppers to his contributors, which
are generously given gratis, but each guest must bring a joke. The
result has been, that the Review sparkles with sudden brilliancy. We
are permitted to mention that at the first supper, the following
delicious things were said by some of the party :—

Mr. Foozle. I have lately been reading some light literature, but was
glad to a-light from that Pegasus.

Mr. Burnbleby. I suppose that you were not in the joke-vlax
vein. (Great applause.)

Mr. Nibbles. Vain, Sir ! I hope there's no vanity here.

Mr. Bvmptious. Ha! ha! fair—in fact Vanity fair.

Mr. Gimblet. Talking of fair, give me the wing of that fowl. (Loud
applause, and the speaker's salary increased on the spot.)

Mr. Bonassus. I've got the liver-wing, but the joke sticks in my
gizzard. (Murmurs.)

Mr. Foozle. Another supper joke from me would be a work of supper-
rogation. (Not understood.)

Mr. Nibbles. Ah, Eoozle, if you could cut up a book as well as you
do a bird!

Mr. Foozle. None of your ill-bread sauce, thank you.

Mr. Bumptious (sonorously). I believe that very few books are
written to be read.

Mr. Gimblet. Surely the Red Book is. (Cheers for five minutes?)

Mr. Bonassus. Waiter, a serviette. (The waiter having given the
gentleman one, it is obviously not what he wanted). Ah, I mean an assiette.

Mr. Nibbles. Your Trench is queer—as yet. (Murmurs.)

Mr. Burnbleby. Well, I think we've all earned our supper, so suppose
we leave off sparkling—

Mr. Foozle (inexhaustible). And take to still— champagne, eh?

Everybody (eagerly). Sham pain to our real friends, and real pain to
our &c, &c, &c. (Roars of laughter and applause).

It is not always that the borrowing a Erench hint leads to so satis-
factory a result, but the improved tone and sportive liveliness now
characteristic of the Saturday Review completely justify the bold expe-
riment of its conductors. Any assistance Mr. Punch can render to his
generous and enterprising contemporary shall be heartily at his service.

LADIES' SCORES AT LINENDRAPERS' SHOPS.

In re a fast young lady, who figured the other day in the Insolvent
Court, the following dialogue took place between Mr. Commissioner
Phillips and Mr. Buck, a silk mercer, one of the opposing creditors.
Mr. Buck having stated that the insolvent had paid him nothing since
he gave her credit:—

"Mr. Commissioner Phillips thought Mr. Buck should have stopped his hand
when the first quarter was not paid.

"Mr. Buck said that if he adopted such a system with ladies who appeared
respectable, he could not, nor could other tradesmen, go on.

" Mr. Commissioner Phillips did not know about going on, but he apprehended
it would be the best course to adopt."

The law really ought to come to the assistance of Mr. Buck, and
other tradesmen of his unfortunate class, and enable them to " go on"
without letting themselves in for bad debts incurred by extravagant
ladies. We think there is a law which renders a pot-house keeper
unable to recover from a sot the value of liquor consumed in tippling.
Let a similar statute be enacted with reference to the parties who
minister to the intoxication of female vanity. It would then be
necessary that all payments for finery should be made in ready money:
thus, linendrapers would be secured from bad debts, ladies prevented
from getting into trouble, and husbands would not find every now and
then that they had bills to discharge which they never dreamt of; so
that all parties would "go on" much better than they do now ; when
the linendraper goes on to bankruptcy, and the customer, or the
customer's husband, to Portugal Street or the workhouse.

Would You ?—A Reverend naturalist named Wood has written a
very pretty book, called My Feathered Friends. It has had such success
in America, that an Abolitionist Missionary has pirated the title, and
issued My Tarred and Feathered Friends.