Punch (35.1858)

A PROBABILITY. uHOLD YOUR ZEBRA, SIR?"

A HIPPOPOTAMUS !

A Correspondent of a certain journal communicates the following
intelligence:—

" Jordan, when I wrote last, was under a cloud."

If any one were to guess the paper in which the above piece of in-
formation appeared, he would probably judge it to be the Record. If
he were apprised of the next sentence—

,! But i said then, if it was removed, we would see the winner : "

He might not perceive therein any reason to amend his supposition;
but whereas he previously might have imagined the writer to be the
Palestine Correspondent of our serious coutemporary, he would now
be rather disposed to take him for some allegorizing contributor of the
Little Bethel School, rejoicing probably in the name of Obadiah.
But perhaps the perusal of these succeeding lines,—

" I not only adhere to that view, but am confirmed in it; and as it is said that he
is a stone better than he was at Chester, and can give three stones to YoBno
Hopeful without being asked to gallop, I see nothing to beat him : "

would enable him to discern that the columns which they appeared in
were not those of the organ of the serious party; and that Jordan, in
fact, is not the river so called, nor yet a something typified under its
name, but a horse, and not only that, but a race-horse. We may as
well say, at once, that the writer on the subject of Jordan is Argus of
the Post, and not Obadiah of the Record. Having stated thus much,
we may relieve our last-named contemporary of the duty which it may
feel itself called on to execute of rebuking the proprietor of the qua-
druped alluded to by Argus for calling him Jordan, as well as another
man, mentioned in the Mersey Stakes list, who denominates his horse
Awful. There is no necessity for assuming that the Syrian river was
in the eye of the individual who may seem to have named his animal
alter that scriptural stream. Some years ago there flourished a quack
doctor who called himself Jordan, and the horse may have been—not
christened but let us rather say—judaized in memory of him. Why
not ? Quack doctors have been known to figure among gentlemen as
the owners of racehorses; accordingly a gentleman may not be
ashamed to give his horse the name of a quack doctor.

CHURCH AND CRINOLINE.

" Mr. Punch,

" I have been for many years one of the Congregation ot
St. Bumble, and in consideration of the payment of two guineas per
annum, hold a voucher for a seat in pew, No. 200; you may fancy how
good the company must be when I tell you that I was the only one in
the pew who was not at Cremorne. Well, Mr. Punch, the pew is made
to carry six inside, and although Lady Wheezer occupies the place
of two from the natural development of her figure, we used to get on
very well with a little squeezing till this season. But now, I am con-
vinced the two Miss Wheezers wear some steel mechanism in the
lower part of their dress, for I hear them snap occasionally,—while
the lower halves of Lady Willow and her daughter are encased in
some basket-work contrivance, which creaks. The effect of these new-
fashions is, not only to disturb my devotions by the mysterious sounds
I have mentioned, but they have this further inconvenience that,
during the standing-up part of the service, I feel very much as if I was
in the middle of a basket-maker's shop, and during the sitting-down
portion, I am forced to perch myself, bodkin, on the extreme edge of a
hard form. Kneeling is altogether out of the question.

" Now, Sir, if I pay Mr. Lumley or Mr. Gye for a seat at the
Opera, I can, I believe, bring an action against either of them for
restitution of my money, unless they fulfil their contract, and supply
me with sitting accommodation. 1 therefore call upon the Rev. Mr,
Silvertongue, through the medium of your orthodox publication,
either to return me my money or to stick up a notice at the Church
door, ' No hoops admitted, unless an extra-sitting is paid for, for then-
accommodation.

" I am, Mr. Punch,

" lours obediently,

" John Stout."

the swindling state.

The integrity of the Ottoman Empire may be difficult to maintain',
but the Spanish Nation has no longer any.