Punch (35.1858)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

203

FIELD MARSHAL PUNCH PRESENTS A "LITTLE SOUVENIR" TO
COLONEL H.R.H. THE PRINCE OF WALES.

FLESH MORTIFIED ON E1SIL

Upon a Friday if you eat
Bacon, you 're but a mortal sinner,

For the worst bacon still is meat:
But have what fish you like for dinner

A mutton chop you must not touch,

On penalty of condemnation ;
Of salmon you may eat as much

As will suffice your inclination.

Of steak a mouthful is enough
To subject you to grief unending;

Eut sole au gratin you may stuff
Your stomachs with without offending.

Fried sole your soul will injure not,
But if you do but taste fried liver,

In Tartarus will be your lot,
As sure as Styx is a true river.

Then if the narrow path you'd wal'k,
The way of a celestial prizeman,

On lobster fritters, at Dundalk,
And scolloped oysters, fast with Wiseman.

Polish Amongst the Lower Glasses.

" What is the meaning of those letters, 'S.V.P.,' on
that red boy's arm ?" inquired a burly country cousin,
as he pointed to one of the St. Vincent Paul's blacking
brigade. "Why, Sir, I must tell you," archly answered
his charming escort, " that they convey a polite request
to you to have your boots cleaned. The S.V.P. you
are pleased to notice, is a proof—a proof before letters,
you may call it—of the growing refinement amongst all
grades of society. They are an aristocratic abbreviation
of S'il vous plait."

The country cousin was pleased with the ingenuity, if
not convinced by the argument.

ANNUAL REPORT OF THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER.

(To he Stereotyped?)

he proceedings of the day
terminated with a vote
of thanks to Mr. Guido
Fawkes, for his able con-
duct in the Chair."

A MATRIMONIAL
CRY.

A Poor Husband says
that, " with regard to Crin-
oline, his cry is, Peace,
Retrenchment, and Re-
form." He states that it
has so long been, between
his wife and himself, a sub-
„ ■ ject of contention, that he
^is really anxious for Peace;
further, that there cannot
be a doubt as to the advi-
sability of Retrenchment,
where there is such an
abundance of superfluous
material, that might most
profitably be dispensed
with; and lastly, as for the
necessity of some Reform,
the demand for it is clearly
proved by the way in which the men clamour in a loud chorus of
indignation against the existing abuse. Any agitation, that com-
bines the three principles above enumerated, he will be happy to join,
la the hopes of seeing, before he is ruined, the abolition of a nuisance
under which his pocket groans not less than himself. Of all public
abuses, there is not one, he maintains, that can be put forward with

A SHIPOWNER AT SEA.

Mr. Greenhow, for the Shipowners' Society of North Shields,
sends a letter to the Daily News, with the object of refuting a leader
in the Times; his intention being to show that the nation is mistaken
in supposing that the shipowners are foemen to free trade. Making
afterwards sad complaints about the " sarcasm" and " personal
invective" of the Times, Mu. Greenhow clearly proves his_ non-
possession of those qualities by commencing his meek comments in the
following strain:—

" The Times, descending from that dignified position which a public journal
pretending to be the chief of its order ought uuder all circumstances to maintain,
commences by deliberately insulting the whole body of shipowners, and after a
rambling dissertation about everything except the case in point, at last proceeds to
produce some rapid and inconclusive arguments, by which the versatile writer
endeavours to refute the statements made in the address issued by the Shipowners'
Society of North Shields."

After attempting to refute this attempted refutation, Mr. Greenhow
ends his letter with what sounds to us no less an insult than a threat : —

" One remark more before i have done. From the present political aspect of
Europe, the time may not be far distant when our Merchant Seamen may be called
upon to fight in defence of our shores. i will simply ask, putting patriotism^ aside,
what have our seamen to fight for? A country which has repudiated them in her
prosperity, can scarcely expect the« to be very enthusiastic in her cause."

The. Times, says Mr. Greenhow, has 11 deliberately insulted the
whole body of our shipowners ; " and Mr. Greenhow, say we, has as
deliberately insulted the whole body of our sailors. Is it, pray, to
show us his activity of mind, that he jumps to the conclusion that our
sailors will not fight for us ? " Putting patriotism aside," the Queen's
money in war-time is as good as any shipowner's; and, if Jack be
mercenary, there is sure pay for his service. But we deny, that when
war comes, Jack thinks mostly of the shiners. No matter whose the
cause, of all enthusiasts in fighting Jack is the most enthusiastic.
We believe, when England wants him, she will ever find that "Jack's
alive" to serve her. The man who says Jack won't, we say, libels
Jack. As for telling us that Jack won't fight when there's a chance
of fighting, go tell that to the Marines ; no sailor will believe it. The
land-lubber who dares to make such an assumption is unworthy of the
name of a true-born British shipowner. Let Jack catch him afloat,
the tail-end of a rope might be put in active service, by way of

Buck strong recommendations for Reform as Crinoline. ! a posteriori argument, to prove the stern necessity of total retractation