Punch (35.1858)

October 23, 1858.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

163

SONGS FROM THE SEA-SIDE. THE HUSBANDS' BOAT, A MARGATE MELODY.

EE ! what craft Margate Harbour displays,
There are luggers aud cutters and yawls,
They sail upon sunshiny days,

For land-sailors arn't partial to squalls.
There's Paterfamilias takes out the lot

Of the progeny he may own,
But, the Saturday Evening boat has got

A freight that is hers alone.
By far the most precious of craft afloat,
Is the Saturday Evening " Husbands' Boat."

There are husbands with luggage, and husbands with none,

There are husbands with parcels in hand,
They bring down to wives whom they lately have won,

Who pretty attentions command.
There are husbands who know whate'er time it may be

Their wives on the jetty will wait
For that Hymeneal argosy,

With its matrimonial freight.
Oh ! the most precious of craft afloat
Is the Saturday Evening " Husbands' Boat."

Bat the Monday Morning is " Monday black,"

That when at school we knew,
For the husbands to business must all go back,

And the wives look monstrous blue;
So loud the bell rings, and the steamer starts

On her way to Thames Haven again,
And amid those who leave are as many sad hearts,

As there are amid those who remain.
Coming or going of craft afloat,
The most prized one is the " Husbands' Boat."

WEDDING-CARDS FOR THE WISE.

If the world of fashion were subject to an actual sovereign, that
monarch might offer a prize, from time to time, to anybody who should
invent a new vanity. One of such prizes would very deservedly be
awarded to the authors of the subjoined announcement: —

" Photographic Wedding Cards.—Messrs. A. Marion and Co., encouraged by
the success which has attended the introduction of the Photographic Visiting Cards,
beg to recommend an entirely new mode of embellishing Wedding Cards, which,
for elegance and novelty of design, are perfectly unique. Miniature Photographic
Portraits of the ' Happy Pair' are mounted in two elaborately ornamented es-
cutcheons, surrounded with orange flowers, blossoms, and love knots, stamped in
silver, and the Card forms a graceful and appropriate souvenir of the blissful event,
peculiarly adapted for preservation."

We might learn from classical authority, if we did not know from
personal experience, that it is pleasant to play the fool on seasonable
occasions. A wedding, when, with funny ceremonies, accompanied by
the interchange of comic vows, a lady and gentleman enter upon the
frivolous estate of matrimony, is one of those occasions which time-
honoured custom regards as seasonable for indulgence in light and
elegant foolery. Huge bows of white satin, for instance, are pinned
to the sober coat-fronts of wedding-guests, as well as to those of the
variegated footmen who wait upon them at breakfast, nay, even to
the buttony bosoms of pages or knifeboys; and we will not say that
they are not sometimes tied round the necks of lapdogs.

Then the wedding cake is decorated with elaborate embellishments,
which must be destroyed in order that it may be eaten, and is usually
surmounted with the unspeakably ludicrous figure of a fat boy, meant
for Cupid. Cards, moreover, lightly bound to one another with silver
gimp, whereas they might, with more serious significance, be strongly
pasted together, are sent to the various friends of the parties. Now
the photographed cards above advertised, are a great improvement on
the common iiddle-faddle wedding card. Adorned with photographic
portraits of the happy pair, surrounded with love-knots, orange
blossoms, and other floral emblems of the blessedness of housekeeping,
they are infinitely more spicy and nobby than mere glazed pasteboard,
and may safely be pronounced out-and-out, slap-up, the go, the cheese,
the correct style of thing; in short, as their advertisers say, " per-
fectly unique." These photographic wedding-cards will be indis-
pensable adjuncts to every "Marriage in High-life," and no gent will
think of leading a lady to the hymeneal altar without a case of them
in his pocket.

Note on Naval Nomenclature.

A " British Householder," in the Times, remarks that—

" On the south-east Coast of America the Cumberland, 70, drags her slow length
along."

The Admiralty should change the name of that vessel, and call her
Cumber sea.

A TRUE TALE OE THE COMET.

There has been much scientific speculation lately, as to whether.or
no persons ever have been known to be affected by a Comet; and, as
Punch holds first rank as a scientific journal, correspondents have, of
course, from all the quarters of the Globe, daily deluged us with notes
and queries on the subject. Uncounted "constant readers" write to
beg for our opinion as to whether _ such, a strange fact as Lord
Derby's keeping office can in our view be assigned to any cometary
cause; and numberless " subscribers for more than fifteen years "
assert the fact of their subscription for so long a period, to induce us
to give answer upon similar moot points. Besides this, stories without
end have been enclosed for our perusal, containing fullest details of
effects which are supposed to have resulted from the Comet; but
which, as far as we can judge from the lame evidence adduced, have
had no more connection than Wiscount Villiams's speeches.

As we look upon such stories in another sense as such, our charactei
for truthfulness forbids us to insert them. Regarding such tale.*
generally as tales for the Marines, we have not thought them fit fooc
for our non-seafaring readers. Facts have, however, lately come
within our knowledge, which bear a striking contrast to such cometary
fictions. We narrate them for the benefit of the scientific world, and
the scientific world may make what use of them it pleases.

One evening in last month (as we have no wish to be personal, we
will not mention which), the wife of a respectable drysalter in the City
was thrown into a state of considerable excitement by the arrival of
her husband's 'bus without her husband in it. Now Mr. Sm—th had
always been the punctualest of men. His movements were an regular
as his eight-day clock's. Since she married she had never known him
once come home to her (and dinner) by any other 'bus than that which
passed their garden-gate at five minutes to six. How then could she
account for the fact of his strange absence ?

Mr. Sm—th, since she had known him, had never suffered busi-
ness to detain him from his dinner: and now that he was daily
looking forward to be Alderman, it was not at all likely he would
begin to do so. While she revolved this in her mind, the Comet
flashed on her : and having heard sad stories of its baleful influence,
with the spirit of a woman she determined to sit up in preparation
for the worst.

And what was the worst ? Alas! her fears were too well realised.
0 temporal 0 mores ! At half-past four, a.m., she heard her husband's
step. It was disguised in liquor, yet at once her wife's ear knew it.
Stealthily the latch-key was turned in the street-door, and noiselessly
the brute (pardon our strong language, ladies ; upon similar provoca-
tion, you might use the same yourselves)—we say, noiselessly the
brute, having taken off his boots, came sneaking up the staircase;
when, emerging from the drawing-room, where she had lain in wait,
like a panthress on her prey, came down on him the avengeress ! * *
I " Why, good gracious, Mr. Sm—th! where ever have you been?"