Punch (35.1858)

September 18, 1858.]

punch, or the london charivari.

STUDY OF PERSPECTIVE.-AFTER NATURE.

"LLLI 110BUR, ET J2S TRIPLEX."

We are told that to commemorate the Qoeen'j
visit to Cherbourg, the Emperor has ordered a
pyramid of granite to be put up as a monument
of the "remarkable event." England once upon
a time was the favoured means of furnishing
his Majesty with bread, and he nov returns 1 he
compliment by giving her some stone. Well?
granite is undoubtedly a durable material, anC
is therefore not uncommonly selected for a
monument.

But we fancy that in this case bronze would
have been fitter : although we grant that as the
monument is to be erected close to the sea-
shore, and as salt air is, we know, injurious to
metal, the proposed granite pyramid would
doubtless prove a monument um cere perennius z
that is to say in English, more lasting than a
bronze one.

But, then, the Emperor has such a stock of
brass on hand, that he might have saved himself
the costof buying fresh material, and have relieved
himself in some part of his serai superfluity.
Had his Majesty erected a pyramid of brass,
we might have looked upon it as a portion of
himself, which, of course, would have enormously
increased our veneration for it. To the statue
of his uncle which has been put up at Cherbourg,
the Emperor might have added an effigies of
himself: the truth beiug typified in the pyramid
of bronze, that he is possessed of no small heap
of brass.

AUTUMNAL PARAGRAPHS.

{Principally for Provincial Papers.)

Mr. Wallace M'Sweeny, a Provost of Dundee, has in his pos-
session a beautiful grog-blossom, of this year's growth, that measures
several inches in circumference, and half as much a^ain in diameter.

The chess match, that has been going on in Abwrrcwyrryd for three
and twenty years, was brought to a close last week by one of the
parties dying in a lunatic asylum.

Intelligence reached Southend on Sunday evening, of the resignation
of Lord Palmer ston.

A Rochdale Churchwarden has been fined 10s. for keeping a squirrel
in the church clock.

The gale last week blew away a Crinoline, belonging to Mrs.
Blackburn, of Broadstairs, that was hanging out in the garden
to dry, and carried it out to sea, a distance of fifteen miles and a
quarter.

Housekeepers should bear in mind, that this is not a bad time of the
year for having their chimneys swept.

A large diamond was found in a double tooth that Mr. Pulley
Hawley, our respected dentist of High Street, extracted from a
pauper on Monday afternoon. Science is at a loss to account how the
diamond ever got there. The strangest part of the business is, that a
law-suit is pending as to whose property this diamond is. The parish,
the dentist, and the pauper all severally claim it. Its value is esti-
mated at £79.—The Stoke Pogis Independent.

The authorities at Gravesend have decided upon putting a new
handle to the pump in honour of Colonel Phipps's visit.

The gentlemen of the long robe in Holywell Street are likely to have
their attention engaged for some time, as the O'Mulligan, of Mul-
ligan, has decided upon selling off his wardrobe.

The cat that says "Pa," is being exhibited in Doncaster. It had
ten kittens a fortnight ago, and, singular to relate, they all say " Ma."
They are engaged for Drury Lane Theatre next season.

Christmas Day falls this year on a Saturday. It hasn't done so for
the last seven years.

The Oldest Inhabitant solemnly declares, that he has seen many
strange things in his life time, but he has never known the female
fashions to be so absurd as they are at present.

A few days since, at Harrington, a young lady of the age of fifteen,
when ducking her head under water whilst out bathing, caught her
oil-skin cap upon a nail of the wheel of the bathing-machine ; and the
strings being tied tightly round her neck, the chances are that in
another second she would have been drowned, if the bathing-woman
nad not, with singular presence of mind, instantly rushed to her
assistance!

Another instance of a pig dying from eating unripe fruit occurred
out last week at Chislehurst. Farmers cannot be too cautious.

A swallow has built its nest this year in the letter-box at Caterham.
This proves the wonderful instinct of the bird. It has never been in
the least disturbed.

There is a great talk of erecting a monument at Everton to the
memory of the genius, who immortalised the town by the invention of
Toffy—a blessing that is nearly in every man's mouth. The only
difficulty about the matter is, that no one knows the inventor's name.

At a wedding anniversary that was held by Farmer Barrowfield, at
his hospitable Grange, near Cherriton, great consternation was pro-
duced amongst his guests by the first course of the dinner consisting
only of one turnip. Merriment, however, soon succeeded to fear upon
a splendid goose, weighing exactly sixteen pounds, being found to be
comfortably stowed inside the monster vegetable. Such a turnip was
probably never seen before! Potatoes, apple-sauce, gravy, French
beans, all found ample accommodation in its roomy interior. The
dessert, including a water-melon, was served up in another turnip,
scarcely inferior in size to its predecessor. The company separated at
a late hour in a state of the greatest hilarity.

Saturn may be seen any clear night with a good opera-glass. He
enters the ring with his belt, and goes through his rounds in a style
that wins nocturnal eulogium from Professor Airey. He generally
buckles to about lOh. 10m.—Record.

The American Sea Serpent, according to last accounts, is hourly
looking out for the Atlantic Telegraph. Its object in discovering
where it hangs out, is that it may for the future carefully avoid that
line of country, for fear the Telegrapli should give early intimation of
its wandering whereabouts. The Serpent is afraid of being caught
napping; its coil evidently dreads the Telegraph, for fear it should
meet with a recoil.

TO PERSONS EMBARRASSED WITH RICH OR TROUBLESOME
1 RELATIONS.—A Medical 8tudent, who has just passed his examination with
the greatest eclat, and is beyond all doubt a duly qualified practitioner, begs to offer
his services in all delicate cases where his signature is wanted to testify to the
insanity of anybody, who may be troublesome, or sadly in the way. The advantages
of this system must be evident to everybody vho nourishes feelings of animosity,
or is not insensible to the charms of money, as it is quite unnecessary to state that it
requires the signatures of only two medical men to have the most cantankerous
customer instantly locked up. No doubt need be entertained of the efficacy of the
system, as it has been tried over and over again wirh the greatest success. An
interview with the person accused not in the leatt required ; in fact, the advertiser
would infinitely prefer not seeing the supposed lunatic, as it might have the inju-
rious effect of Massing his (the M.D.'s) judgment, and so weakening tne strength of
his testimony. Fees, varjing from 5s. to £5 5s., according to the wealth and respec-
tability of the party he is called upon to pronounce insane. An additional signature,
fully as good as the Advertiser's, can be procured without the slightest difficulty ; in
which case the fee must be doubled, or proportionately increased. The utmost
secresy can be relied upon, and no questions asked. Apply to Verax, (if by letter,
prepaid), 115, Bleeding Heart Yard, next door to the "Good Samaritan Loan
Institution," London.—N.B. Lunatics boarded and lodged and never allowt d, under
auy pretext whatever, to leave the house, nor to correspond with their friends;
in short, every care shown to them, ac a very moderate expense. A reduction made
on taking several decayed branches of the same genealogical tree.