Punch (35.1858)

July 31, 1858.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAIHVAKI.

HOW DIRTY OLD FATHER THAMES WAS WHITEWASHED.

" CALL A SPADE A SPADE."

In proposing his grand plan to purify the Thames, Mr. Disraeli,
the Great Calculator, stated his conviction—

" That a rate of not more than Sd. in the pound, levied for a term of forty years,
will be sufficient to provide funds for the completion of the whole of the main
drainage of the Metropolis, and at the same time to furnish a sinking fund which at
the end of that period will enable the Metropolitan Board of Works to liquidate the
debt which they shall have incurred in order to carry this scheme into execution."

We should never dream of doubting Mr. Disraeli's arithmetic,
and for his figures, too—of speech—we hold, and always have held, an
equal veneration. But when he tells us that a " Sinking Eund" is
wanted for the Thames, we think his choice of words is less felicitous
than usual. We must say we prefer to hear a spade called, plump, a
spade, than to find, in misplaced delicacy, it has been mentioned as a
shovel. The River-sewer Thames is in such thoroughly bad odour,
that any fund which may be in any way required for it, ought, in
simple truthfulness, to be called a Stinking Eund.

The Taste of the Court.

A Thunderstorm, that paid Manchester the honour of a visit,
amused itself last week in dropping down upon Duckinfield in the
shape of " thousands of small toads." Directly Colonel Phipps,
K.C.B., heard of this lucky windfall, he rushed down per special
express to Cheetham Hill, to discover if any of the toads were good
for eating.

COMMON SENSE.
An advertisement informs the luxurious classes that:—

" James Lewis's Cape Jasmin, distilled from the flower, is the moat aristocratic
perfume of the day."

An aristocratic nose, or a nose peculiar to the aristocracy, is a thing
which we have some idea of. The aristocratic variety of the human
Dose is, we believe, considered to be the nose of an aquiline curve.
But though aristocracy may be characterized by a particular pro-
boscis, it has no speciality of smell. A rose conveys the same
agreeable impressions to the olfactory nerves of the aristocracy and
populace alike; nay, we will venture to say, that the nostrils of the
former are, equally with those of the latter, regaled with the fragrance
of a smoking shoulder of mutton, potatoes, and onion sauce, happening
to pass them in the street, of a hot Sunday, about one o'clock, on
its way home from the baker's. On the other hand, the Thames and
its Tributaries, namely the Sewers, are neither more nor less offensive
to the aristocratic aquiline than they are to the plebeian pug. The
Jasmin of the Thames (to use an elegant expression) is not less
unpleasant to the lower than to the loftier form of nose; the Jasmin
of the Cape is in the same degree delightful to both, and as the per-
fume of the flower so called may be had for half-a-crown a bottle, it is
cheap enough to be popular, and to afford gratification to the common
snout as well as to the corresponding organ of the aristocracy.

To Keep Fruit prom Wasps.—The surest way of keeping it is to
preserve it.

Vol. 35.

2—2