Punch (35.1858)

2U2 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. |November 13, 1858.

THE NEXT NOVELTY.

MONKS AND MONKEYS.

When we find our Vestrymen complaining with such vigour as
they have done of the "Monkish Practices," to which they say the
Puseyites are "so shamefully addicted," it is, we must confess, a
matter of some doubt with us whether, for the word "Monkish"
should not rather be read "Monkeyish." Comparisons we know are
proverbially odious ; and we, of course, would shrink from speaking
of the reverend gentlemen in a way that might be viewed as the
reverse of reverent. Nevertheless, if we were pressed to say exactly
what we think, we should be forced to make auricular confession of
the fact, that we regard our modern monks as little else than monkeys,
so close is the connection we find traceable between them.

The chief points of resemblauce may be stated very readily. In
the first place, the Puseyites are strongly prone to imitation, which
everybody knows is of monkeyish descent. For instance, if you
place a Bomish Priest before a Puseyite, you will find the latter strive
his utmost to imitate the former. He will copy with great accuracy
every look and gesture. He will imitate each leer, and every sly and
sneaking glance; and. will practise to perfection every bow and scrape.
Like a monkey he will ape the Priest's bearing and demeanour:
and will comport himself, in short, so entirely like his model, that you
soon will scarce be able to distinguish which is which.
Again, the Puseyites evince considerable activity; for which
I monkeys are of all things perhaps the most distinguished. Although,
I for the most part, they are slim and spare in figure, our reverend apes
have certainly great muscular capacity. Any one who has observed
them when going through a Service, must have been amazed at their
bodily exertions. They change their posture regularly every other
minute. Nearly every word they utter has its illustrative gesture.
; They cross themselves so rapidly that you can hardly see them. Every
other second they make a new grimace. Their bows and genuflexions
alternate with an almost unbelievable celerity. They are no sooner
on their knees than they are off them again, and as for sitting still,
they never seem to dream of it. You might as soon expect a monkey
to sit still as a Puseyite. No ape ever yet surpassed their active antics.

Another point in which we trace a similarity—or if we might coin
a word, we'd say, a simiality—is that both the simial breeds evince

a mania for mischief. As monkeys take delight to set each other by
the ears, so do their reverend brethren like to set folk^; souabbling.
They mischievously try to make dissensions in the Church, and take
a monkey-like enjoyment in the quarrels which ensue from them.
The moie mischief they make, the more they seem to revel in it, and
they generally escape from taking any harm by it. Ape-like they are
gifted with such cleverness and cunning, that when they get into a
scrape, they somehow manage to get out of it, without suffering one
half the pain and worry they cause others. To save themselves from
hurt, they never scruple to make cat's paws of whoever they can
catch, whenever t*ey have made a place too hot to hold them.

Restlessness of disposition is another of the attributes wherein we
trace resemblance between monkeys and our monks. You rarely find
a Puseyite remain long in one place. He is for ever shifting and j
changing his position. Unsettled in his mind, he keeps himself un-
settled in his body likewise. Being like the monkey, an animal of
foreign growth, we rarely find the Puseyite acclimatised to England,,
so as to rest content without taking his departure. Wherever he may
be lie shows a Poming tendency, and he generally ends in following
his bent.

On the whole, then, modern monks are vastly similar to monkeys.
Ladies may make pets of them, but gentlemen, in general, regard
them as great nuisances. Husbands for a while may put up with
their antics, but it is not for long they will consent to do so.
When as Puseyite is up to such tricks as the Confession, a husband
clearly has a right to insist upon his wife's at once giving up her pet,
and to close accounts by paying proper "monkey's allowance,"
whereby his reverence may pocket fewer half-pennies than kicks.

Fashions for November.

Bodies of walking dresses are fastened with button-mushrooms.

Dinner dresses are very generally gathered in large plaits, trimmed
with greens, with a turn-up here and there, and gigot sleeves, set off
with leg-of-mutton trimmings.

Bonnets are still worn off the head, and bound with hops at the
poll. We have seen several that were made of sarcenet, and trimmed
with chick weed and dandelions. Cauliflowers are much worn in the hair