Punch: Punch (36.1859)

January 1-3, 1859.. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

MR. BARNUM'S MISSION.

=|The Address which Mr. Bar-
suii, the American Missionary,
has repeated at St. James's
Hall will be re-delivered, no
donbt, to numerous British
audiences, to their great edifica-
tion in the faith of which that
reverend gentleman is a minis-
ter. The worship of the Al-
mighty Dollar does not essen-
tially differ from the devotion
to L. S. 1). which is practised
in these islands. Mr. Barnum
will do a considerable service
to the cause of economy by
representing Humbug, as the
means, to the acquisition of
money, as the end, of the doc-
trine which he so eloquently
preaches. If people cpu be
only persuaded to pursue riches
by the path of Humbug, as
Humbug is defined by Mr.
Barium, the county and
borough rates will be materially
lessened, for swindling and
stealing will be generally relin-
quished, and the number of
commitments will decrease.
Rogues who were wont to
commit gross fraud, will now
learn that Humbug is the best
policy. Mr. Barntjm is the Newton of Humbug. The former philosopher is, in relation to
Humbug, as the latter with regard to gravitation. He is the expounder, of the principle of
the great social force. Moreover, he represents it as consisting in attraction—the centripetal
power exerted by advertisements and puffery. Regarded in this point of view, Humbug
assumes a peculiar interest. What is Love ? Evidently a species of sentimental Humbug.

The various arts of dress by which attention is
gained, and affection inspired, are so many
exemplifications of an elegant Humbug. The
delicate attentions which young ladies receive
from their admirers are refined Humbug. Hum
bug rules the camp, the court,, the grove, for
Love is Humbug, and Humbug is Love.

Of course Mr. Barnum does not seriously
mean to say that Humbug does not involve
falsehood and fraud, and he would not insult a
fellow-philosopher by pretending to say so.
What he does mean to say is, that .the fraud
and falsehood of Humbug are unindictable.
Parochial Humbug is the art of obtaining money
on pretences which are not legally false. It is
not felony, or even a misdemeanour. Humbug
is the rule of conduct observed by the sincere
Professor; and Mr. Barnum will promote the
most important interests of monetary society,
if, by the continuance of his labours of love in
his present sphere of usefulness, he shall suc-
ceed in effecting its general adoption. As bitter
beer is swallowed for want of old ale, so must
Humbug be accepted as a substitute for old
fashioned morality.

Parallel Passages.

The Signs of a Hard Winter seem very gene-
ral. Thus we read in the Times, that upwards
of 100 persons have given notice of their intention
to apply to be admitted as Attorneys in the
ensuing term ; while the Country Papers info* tn
us, probably of the same fact, in the announce-
ment, that " Great flocks of Cormorants have
lately been seen in the Southern Counties."

The Westminster Play.--The work done
in the House of Commons.

THE DECLINE OE TURKEY.

We take the following from a contemporary, and hope there is no
truth in it:—

" The Sultan and his Creditors.—a Constantinople letter of the 18th Decem-
ber, in the Nouvelliste of Marseilles, says :—' a demonstration took place a few days
ago, on the part of the persons who supply the palace, and whose accounts still
remain unpaid. The Sultan was on his way from Top Hane, where he had break-
fasted, to the palace of Dolma Baktche', when he was met by an assemblage of
nearly 300 of these creditors, who crowded round the imperial cortege, calling for
justice. The first movement of the Sultan, at finding himself surrounded by this
crowd, who were uttering loud cries, was to lay hold of the hilt of his sabre, but
soon discovering the pacific character of the demonstration, he ordered that three
of the creditors should be delegated to call on Haki Bey, who should that very
evening receive the necessary orders on the subject of the claims. The following
day three of the principal creditors waited on Haki Bet, who sent them to Rizi
Pacha, the president of the commission formed for the settlement of the accounts
of the civil list, but which has only held one or two sittings, for form's sake. Rizzr
assured them that all their accounts should be paid, but that at present funds were
wanting. Meantime, many of these unfortunate men, who are pressed by their own
creditors, have been obliged to suspend payment, and several of them have been
completely ruined. a similar demonstration was made two days after by the
workmen of the Imperial buildings."

If this story be true, we beg in charity to hint, that it would be an
act of friendship towards our old ally, if Mr. Gladstone, after he has
settled the Ionians, would lend the Sultan his assistance in settling
with his. creditors. As Ex-Chancellor of our Exchequer he could
speak with some authority upon the ways of getting means, and
he might give vent to his.usual longwindedness in advising the poor
Sultan how to raise the wind. The subject would admit of a tripartite
division, for there would have to be considered—

Firstly. How far over head and ears is the Sultan now in debt ?

Secondly. Where can he find funds to free himself ? and

Thirdly. Where does he expect to go to if he can't ?

But while for his poverty we pity the poor Sultan, we think that his
poor creditors yet more deserve our sympathy; and for the comfort of
all parties, we trust the Sultan shortly may get hold of a round sum,
with which all accounts that are outstanding may be squared. If the
Commander would escape the mobbing of the Faithful, instead of
drawing his sword on them, let him draw his purse—first, however,
takine- care to see that there is something in it.

warning to the police.

Crinoline lias become such an intolerable nuisance, that fears are
entertained that it may ultimately lead to "a Town and Gown Row."

ARCADIAN LITIGANTS.

We copy the following announcement from the Standard:—

•' Mr. Ernest Jones has brought an action for libel against Mr. G. W. m. Rey-
nolds. Mr. Edwin James, Q.C., has been retained on behalf of Mr. Jones, and the
case, which is expected to come on in Hilary Term, is expected to be one of much
interest."

When gentlemen like Mr. Ernest Jones and Mr. G. W. M. Rey-
nolds fall out, the opposite class of politicians come by. their own in
point of credit. The hilarity of the public will be excited in Hilary
term, by hearing what Mr. Jones will be able to say against Mr. Rey-
nolds by the eloquent mouth of Mr. James, and how much dirt Mr.
Reynolds will fling back upon Mr. Jones through the lips of some
other gentleman of the long tongue.

A BEAST OUT OE NOAH'S ARK.

Mr. Punch predicts very great success for a young barrister who
distinguished himself in court the other day by making the most
infamous and abominable jest in the world. It was at Quarter Sessions,
and one of the magistrates, nay, let us name Sir Tunbelly Clumsy,
had gone to sleep, and was proving the fact by showing his qualification
to represent the Essex borough called Great Snoring. The young and
accomplished barrister sent this note to his leader:—

" Q. Why is Sir Tunbelly like the first ship on record ? "
" A. Because he snores, hark ! "

Mr. Punch repeats that this barrister will rise, having leisure to
devote himself to law, being palpably unfit for anything else.

Irish Loyalty.

When Pat was at famine's door,
A true liegeman Pat would be ;

When Pat had potatoes galore,
A Ribandman, sure, was he.

THE RE-¥ORM OF A TITLE.

Such was the character of most of the cases that came before Sir
C. Cresswell last term, that he declares his court ought to be called
the "Reprobate and Divorce Court" instead of the "Probate and
Divorce Court."