Punch: Punch (36.1859)

February 12, 1859.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

63

T)T/_,. nTTT,, . T . ^TT r,T)rr,lc,7?, ri;,,Trr ! with him, and driving pointed things into him, as ,though he were a

BIOGRAPHICAL ADYLRTISEMENT. pincushion, until you make him feel what is called " pins and needles "

, . . „ i . / t • i l 4. e a^ over- Dest trimming, perhaps, is to waltz more than once

We admire the following advertisement (which we extract irorn with an Officer, and you may be sure that your young man will be

Saunders' News Letter) for several admirable reasons :— j ready to hang on to the skirts of, your dress with penitence and sub-

tfO BE SOLD A YELLOW CHAEIOT, with front and back seats; ^^iL0^^?,.^.J^iAF^*? AmCG ^ tllC evenin& if

J- built in London by a first-rate maker, and which has never been twelve miles
from Dublin, and scarcely ever used, as the lady preferred an open carriage, and
latterly has only kept one horse in Dublin. To be seen at--■-

you like, by .seeming to take no notice of him.

How to trim a Cap.—With coquetry, and matchless ribbons and
charms to match, so that you can set it irresistibly at any wealthy or
We have not space to enumerate all our reasons, but the above, we handsome husband you may prefer.

think is a style of advertisement that is beautifully precise, charmingly
illogical, and tantalisingly biographical.

The precision is apparent throughout. You are told that the chariot
is "yellow;" that it has "front and backseats;" and is the produc-
tion of a " first-rate maker," as most chariots that are advertised for sale
generally are. We wonder the advertiser did not carry the love
of precision even further, and inform us of the weight of the chariot,
the number of nails used in its construction, the united ages of all the
persons who have ridden in it, and whether it has any objection to
travel.

The illogical feature (it is the first chariot we have seen with an
Irish bull yoked to it) is traceable in the two facts, that the carriage
was "built in London," and yet "has never been twelve miles from
Dublin." The distance between the two capitals must have shrunk
1 erribly recently—and perhaps it is the action of the sea-water that has
•caused the shrinking ?—or else Irish miles must stretch almost as
much as Irish traitors' consciences.

The biographical department, however, carries away the prize. We
are pleased to hear, for her health's sake, that the "lady preferred au
open carriage;" though it grieves us to hear that "latterly she has
only kept one horse." This, however, has a look of carefully-studied
■economy about it. Wise is the woman who, going too fast, has the
courage to pull up in time,—even though it be with "only one horse !"
But the biography is not carried out half fully enough. We should like
1 o have been favoured with more glimpses of this lady's secret habits
and wishes. Why could not the advertisement have been amplified
as follows ?—

TO BE SOLD, A BLUE PERAMBULATOR, with front and black
J- seats, red wheels, and crest all complete, owing to the nurse having, like an
idiot, been and given her hand to the Baker, and the lady, whose property it is,
being rather hard of hearing, is determined for the future to have none but men-
servants, as she entertains a decided objection to " followers," who never wipe their

I Kiots on the doormat, continually gadding in and out of the house, which some day
will be hers, when an aged grandmother dies, who must be 92 if she is a day, and
hasn't had a tooth in her head for years, and accordingly the Whole Will Be Farted
with at a Tremendous Sacrifice, for having lost two husbands, and her business not
allowing her to leave her room, and all her boys being in the Haitian army, the lady

Ii as no further use for the same, and she is much too stout (weighing a trifle above 11
-tone) to ride in it herself. For terms, inquire of Lady Day, 25, March Street,
Dublin: It is the house with the brass knocker, and you must ring the Servants' Bell.

We greatly admire this new style of biographical advertisement, and
i t has the further recommendation of allowing every Advertiser to be
His Own Biographer.

GAMMON BOILED DOWN LIKE SPINACH,

Being a resume of the pamphlet called " Napoleon III. and Italy" by Jus
" LADIES' TRIMMING." Imperial Majesty the Emperor of the French.

We often notice an inscription like the above written up in hosiers' i

Italy is a highly interesting country.

ii.

England, under Paljierstox,
raged Italy against Austria.

iv.

France's mission has always been to XIV

shop-windows. We did not know that the art was purchaseable, and
perhaps the facility, with which the science can be procured, may
account for the high degree of excellence that ladies, generally, have
arrived at in it. It must be acknowledged that women are much
cleverer than men in the knowledge of trimming, from a lamp to a
husband downwards. IIL

We subjoin a few secrets in the elegant accomplishment, that have ! J*^* Austria ^ °f *°
been connded to us by one oi the clever sisterhood:—

How to trim a Dress.—With Valenciennes, if you cannot get Brus
sels, though the latter is the ne plus ultra " point" of perfection,
supposing your husband can only afford it.

How to trim one's Income.—By hemming in your necessaries, so as
to give greater breadth and fulness to your luxuries. To effect this,
you must "take in" as much as you can at home, the better to enable
you to "let out" abroad.

Row to trim a Servant.—Cutting off her fine flowers and caps, if
they are smarter than your own; and giving her a good dressing, until
she has learnt how to dress more in accordance with her station.

How to trim a Husband.—By keeping him down, as a gardener does
a hedge; by sheer watching and constant clipping, as often as there is
a tendency to shoot out and go beyond the line.

How to trim a Poor Relation.—By displaying all your fine airs, and
trying on all your fine dresses, in her presence.

How to trim a Younger Sister.—The only effectual way is, to "cut
her out" as frequently as you can.

How to trim a Young Man.—By being exceedingly sharp and cutting

X.

Italy can't help herself without foreign
aid.

XI.

I don't mean to make a United Italy,
xn.

But a sort of pudding, o- confederation.

XIII.

France objects to the Alps as barriers
against her.

set Italy free.

■ v.
There is a good deal of agitation on the
subject.

VI.

The Fope is in a peck of troubles.

VII.

Piedmont has been and put its pied in

it.

viii.

All the small Italian States are in one
mess or another.

ix.

Austria cannot, on principle, reform,

ergo, must be kicked out. | Government.

Austria won't have my pudding,
xv.

Are we to bow to Austria ?

xvi.

Treaties need not be kept when they
grow inconvenient.

[Here the Imperial pamphleteer stops,
but we believe that in the original MS.
was added another chapter.]

xvii.

Lottis Napoleox must, somehow, keep
France thinking of something else be-
sides his antecedents, entourage, and

The Soldier's Tier."-The Gallery at Astlev's