Punch: Punch (36.1859)

lis PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 19, 1859.

AGRICULTURAL PREJUDICE IN HAMPSHIRE.

itii some oddity, the
place named in the
subjoined advertise-
ment from the An-
dover Advertiser, calls
itself, by the mouths
of its natives and
their neighbours, Up-
husband. It is, like
one of Lord Malmes •
bury's truths, im-
mortal, having been
rendered so by that
great paragraphic
poet, William Cob-
bett, in his Rural
Rides. Further ce-
lebrity will now be
conferred on it, by
the publication of the
fact that it contains
an "A. Z.;" though
this may not be ex-
actly the way to spell
the name which that
individual might
more correctly as-
sume, he being evi-
dently, by reputa-
tion, a man of three
letters, of which,
albeit the first is A,
the two others are
notZ's. The follow-
ing announcement
expresses a want—so
does a bray:—

WANTED—on a Farm, a Man and Lis "Wife, to live in a Cottage; the man to work on the
farm and the woman to do the washing for the house, either by the dozen or by the quarter. A good
character required. No Dissenters need apply. Address post-paid, A.Z., Post Office, Hurstbourne Tarrant.

What can be the object of the Uphusband agriculturist in notifying that, for the privilege
of working on his farm, " No Dissenters need apply" ? This question for some seconds

puzzled us considerably; but at length we
arrived at the conjecture, that he had probably
contracted a dim idea that Dissenter and Inde-
pendent were convertible terms; so that, if he
were asked what objection he entertained to
Dissenters, he would, as soon as he had been
made to understand the question, if put to him
in those words, probably reply, " Oh! I wun't
never ha' noth'n to do wi' none o' them there
Dis-zenters ; they be a precious zight too
independent vor me, mun! "

If the advertiser is an old woman, the answer
would be just the same, only pitched in a high
key, of the nature of a shriek, instead of being
grunted in a profound bass.

The Ciphering Boy.

I cannot print," said meek Lord Mam,
" All the despatches you apply for,
For mortally afraid I am

Lest foreigners find out our Cipher."

That fear comes late, 'tis past a doubt.

Ask at Vienna, Lisbon, Paris,
Long since they've found our Cipher out,

And know his name's James Howard
Harris.

A Musical Critic.

" You are quite right, Sir; Verdi is a crack
composer, on the just ground that he has cracked
more voices than any other composer of the
present day."

the general brand OF husbands.

It is strange, but every woman's husband is
the very worst that ever lived, until he is
attacked, and then, "dear fellow," he is the
very best!

" White Lies."—Mock-Auctioneers selling
Plated articles for Silver.

PECULIAE ANIMAL POLAEITY.

To the Editor of Punch.

" Perhaps I may gratify some of your readers by the relation of a
little incident, interesting both in a domestic and philosophical point
of view, as illustrative both of the probable nature of a familiar article
of consumption, and also of the keenness of canine instinct in com-
bination with olfactory sensibility.

" This morning at breakfast I was indulging in the luxury of that
well-known admixture of animal substances and aromatic condiments
commonly denominated a German Sausage. This peculiar compound
of savoury ingredients is, as you are probably aware, enveloped in a
membranaceous investment, formed, I believe, of the outer or serous
coat of a portion of the smaller division of the alimentary canal of one
of the Ruminantia.

" Beside me on the floor lay a small dog of the Skye Terrier species,
by some erroneously believed to be a French Poodle. I am in the
habit of employing this animal in the disposal of those portions of my
food, which, in relation to the exigencies of my own economy, are too
hard and indigestible. I may mention, amongst other fragmentary
matters, crusts and bones.

" As I sliced disc after disc from the cylindrical column of nutri-
ment with which I was recruiting my organisation, I separated from
it, by peeling, the outer rind or integument, the density of whose
texture renders its_ mastication difficult, and is therefore incompatible
with its due assimilation by the human stomach, although presenting
no obstacle to the functional energy of that organ in the dog. Accord-
ingly, from time to time, rejecting these strips of membrane,_ I
consigned them to the more appropriate discussion of my canine
companion

" The expectant avidity with which the quadruped awaited each
morsel of the sapid substance was only equalled by the appetitive
celerity with which he caused it to disappear. The most diminutive
particle was eagerly apprehended with the lingual extremity, or, if not
at once recognised, was perseveringly traced by a nasal investigation
on the floor.

" In divesting the German sausage of its containing membrane, the
latter is often separated into two layers. I dropped on the carpet a
section of the inner one of these. It fell like a snow-flake. The
creature was unable to distinguish its whereabout by the sense of
vision. But its odour, derived from the meat with which it had been
in contact, was instantly recognised by his olfactory perception, and
after a prolonged series of forcible nasal inhalations, he succeeded in
discovering the minute delicacy. To despatch it was, of course, the
work of an instant.

" When we consider the peculiar predilection of the canine species,
as above exemplified, in connection with the similar excitement mani-
fested by the same Carnivora whenever a wheelbarrow laden with a
certain description of aliment approaches their vicinity, we shall per-
haps be enabled to form a probable conjecture of the nature of the
animal substance which constitutes the basis of German Sausage. We
may, I think, safely suspect that the matter which, in its inanimate
state, is so eagerly sought by the dog-tribe, may, during life, have
followed the hounds, and subsequently perhaps have been employed in
the traction of public vehicles. In short, the hypothesis of the equine
origin of that article of food seems confirmed by the experience of

" A Student or Common Things."

" Pumpton Institute, March, 1859."

" P.S. A visitor known in families by the name of Puss has just
entered my apartment. She approaches the cupboard in which a
remnant of the viand above alluded to is reserved. She utters plaintive
cries, whilst scratching and smelling at the keyhole she attempts to I
open the door. This is very interesting. _ Appetency for the Teutonic
species of sausage is evidently characteristic, not only of the canine
race, but also of the domestic variety of the class Felis."

Very Vulgar Translation.—Audi Alteram Partem.— Before
believing a "party," you should always hear what the other "party"
has to say.

" The Melting Mood."—The Future,—when a woman says "I will."