Punch: Punch (36.1859)

164 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Ahul 23, 1859

CUPID AT SEA.

Angelina (to Edwin, whose only chance is perfect tranquillity), "Edwin, dear! Ie you love me, go down ikto the Cabin, and

petch me my scent bottle and another S.l1awl to put over my feet ! "

[Edwin's sensations are more easily imagined than described.

SHAKSPEAEE AND LORD CAMPBELL,

Robin Hood might have envied the gentleman mentioned in the
following brief Police report :—

"Westminster.—Joseph Morris was finally examined, charged with stealing^,
great quantity of property from the stables of Lord Campbell, Stratheden House,
Knightsbridge.

"The prisoner, who made no defence, was committed for trial."

The act of breaking into the stables of Lord Campbell was one of
similar daring to that of walking into the lion's den. There cannot
bnt be something awful to a thief in the character of a Judge, of which
the influence must extend even to the Judge's premises; though of
course there are none which the depredator, if he could be sure of not
being detected, would feel greater pleasure in plundering.

We may imagine what a high joke Sir John Falstaff would have
thought it, under assurance against a contingency which would have
turned the jest against himself", to perform the exploit for which Mb.
Morris was sent to gaol. It will be remembered that Falstaff's
outbreak of exultation on hearing from Pistol of the death of Henry IV.,
concludes with the following remarkable words :—

" Let us take any man's horses ; the laws of England are at my commandment.
Happy are they which have been my friends ; and woe unto my Lord Chief
Justice !"

The exhortation to steal horses, in close connection with the
denouncement of woe against the Lord Chief Justice, may, by the least
conjectural Shakspearian commentator, be supposed to bear additional
testimony to the prophetic soul of Shakspeare, particularly as the
great dramatist doubtless foresaw that he would be under some obli-
gation to the present successor of Sir William Gascoigne. Hence,
there can be little difficulty in concluding that, when he put the horse-
stealing proposal together with the malediction upon the Lord Chief
Justice, into Falstaff's mouth, he had an eye with a forewarning
purpose to the future robbery of Lord Campbell's stables.

THE RETIREMENT OE THE WISCOUNT.

How gallantly, how merrily, to the Country down go we,
The addresses are all printed, the beer is flowing free;
The agents and the canvassers are bustling, blithe and bright,
Like creatures who have all to gain, and nought to lose by fight.

The voters share their triumph; out mouldy freemen creep;
And seedy householders emerge from under clouds so deep.
In their wake like any ale-butt the licensed wittier mark,
Oh, proud must be Britannia of such a wholesome lark !

Yes, proud must be Britannia: despite what croakers say,
That constitutions aren't improved by moist'ning of the clay;
That who conquers of such combatants to her don't matter more,
Than which of two Kilkenny cats is left upon the floor.

I would I were Britannia with Commoner and Lord,
Competing for my service, with pen and tongue and sword;
I'd tell the House of Commons—that talks so fast and free,
"A few less words, and a deal more work, or you won't do for me."

But Britannia grew paler, and paler still she grew—
In spite of all her eager slaves that to the hustings drew;
And something in her manner proclaimed some loss was nigh,
To which ail coming gains would be, what cads call " all my eye."

Then came a horrid whisper that turned Punch's hair to grey—
That the noble Wiscount Williams from Lambeth drops away:
Britannia may well turn pale, and ask of all her friends,
Who will henceforth save cheese-parings, and rescue candle-ends ?

Pemiy-wisdom o'er her champions in agony may weep ;
Pound-foobshness may deck herself in sables dark and deep ;
But no second Wiscount Williams the Commons House will see,
Not e'en Lambeth has another retail-dealer dense as he.