Punch: Punch (36.1859)

April 30, 1859.]

173

honour, but, small honour as it is, it also, in
A BARONETCY AND A BLOW-OUT FOR A HERO. involving an exaction of fees, empties the

i recipient, whilst he who has a dinner given
The salvation of India was owing to him at least receives a bellyful, without being
Sir John Lawrence, late rendered out of pocket.
Lieutenant-Governor of the
Punjaub. The debt has been
paid by making him from a
Knight into a Baronet.

The other day a very large
number of gentlemen inte-
rested in Indian affairs met at
Willis's Rooms, with a view
to devise some addition to the
little honour with which the
great services of that gallant
and right honourable officer
have been rewarded by the
Government of his country.

The deliberations of the
Assembly resulted in the fol-
lowing resolution, unanimously
adopted:—

"That Sir John L. M. Lawrence,
Bart, be invited to a banquet."

Sir John Lawrence will
now, at least, in recompense
for having preserved our In-
dian Empire, get a good din-
ner. The entertainment is to
be given by officers of the
civil, military, and naval ser-
vices, and by gentlemen con-
nected with the official admi -
nistration of India. The solid
pudding which Sir John Law-
^ rence will receive at the hands
of those discerning gentlemen

is a reward much more suitable to his merit, or any other distinguished merit than a petty
title which Government often confers upon old cheesemongers who have saved nothing but
a lot of money, and which it did confer the other day upon a batch of squires, whose only Heaven-born Grumblers.—There never was
claim on their countrv, that their country is aware of, consists in a right to receive the rents a farmer yet who was satisfied with his harvest,
of certain considerable tracts of its surface. Moreover, a baronetcy is not only an empty | nor a Hansom Cabman with his tare!

WALKER WANTED AT COURT.

The following verse is quoted from a poem
reported by the Morning Post, as having been
sung by the gentlemen of St. George's Choir on
the occasion of a recent solemn and courtly
ceremony:—

" Oh, happy bond that seals my vows,
To him who claims our highest love !

Let cheerful anthems fill his house,
While to that sacred shrine I move."

Where did the Court-poet come from ? The
next time he writes English poetry, (not, as he
most likely calls it, Poetry) let him please to
remember that we sound the letter s, in the
word house, in such a manner as to render house
incapable of rhyming with vows. When next
he attempts to utter the former of those two
words, he will perhaps take advantage of the
hint thus offered to him, and not continue to
pronounce it " house."

Beauty in All Things.

An easy, fat old man was asked by a lean,
vestry Cato, if he could tell him of what use
were the Police ? " Great use, Sir! " was the
old man's indignant reply; " I firmly believe, if
it weren't for the Police, that I should have cold
meat every day! " Cato cut.

BEDLAMITES AT BETHLEHEM.

A Splendid specimen of that style of verbal architecture which is
called " penny-a-lining " has been recently exhibited by one or two of
our contemporaries, describing the late visit of Pbince Alfred to
Jerusalem. The verbal architect, or word-piler, is evidently one of the
first masters of the art. In accordance with its canons, he of course
begins his notice by informing us how, on the 17th of March :—

" All Jerusalem was thrown into a state of the most pleasant excitement by the
news that advices had been received at the English Consulate the previous night,
announcing the arrival at Jaffa of Her Majesty's ship Ewryalus, having on board
His Royal Highness Prince Alfred, on his way to visit the Holy City. The truth
of this was presently confirmed by sundry unmistakeable signs, such as the con-
stant galloping of messengers between the English Consulate and the Pacha's
residence, by the erection of a second flag-staff over the former, and the passage of
rich furniture through the city to the Armenian Patriarch's Palace, which, it
appeared, the Pacha had decided upon fitting up for his Royal Highness's reception,
that he might have his choice between that and the British Consulate."

After (at a greater length than we can quote) describing how the
Jerusalemites were "destined to undergo a temporary disappointment,"
in consequence of the postponement for four-arid-twenty hours of the
advent ot the Prince, the verbal architect proceeds with his word-piling
work thus:—

" It grew dark, however, and the Prince had not arrived. But at length the roar
of the cannon-salute announced that the royal visitor was at the Pacha's pavilion,
and immediately huge lanterns were despatched from the English Consulate to
meet the procession at the city gate. The soldiers lined the street up to the Consul's
door, and then the great guns from the fortifications announced that, for the first
time in the history of the world, an English Prince was within the walls of Jeru-
salem, and amid the din of the multitude and the pealing of the guns, his Royal
Highness, accompanied by, &e., rode up to, &c, while the Turkish infantry
presented arms, &c."

In this style verbal Pelions are heaped on verbal Ossas, until, by
way of climax, the Prince arrives at Bethlehem. Here, we are
informed, the Pacha was out-Pachaed, and the Jerusalemites out-
Jerichoed:—

" His Royal Highness's reception at Bethlehem, presented a most wonderful and
interesting sight. The whole population in their picturesque dresses Wned out to
see and welcome H. r. H., and his numerous cavalcade rode through a crowd of
eager people; men in their red and white turbans with holiday robes of scarlet
cloth, and women and girls in dark blue and red, with gold coins on their heads,
and bracelets of gold and silver on their arms, on every terrace and roof; and
many a prayer of ' God preserve him to his mother !1 or ' God lengthen his days !'

was heard in an audible voice by the by-standers in their vernacular Arabic. One
man even ran forward, and spread his garments in the way ; but the Prince, with
delightful tact, turned his horse aside, so as to avoid treading on them."

If this "one man" was a Bethlehemite, the fact of his projecting
his garments in the path would seem to indicate that he was some-
what versed in English history, and had thence derived a notion that
the way we welcome Royalty is by stripping off our overcoats and
strewing them before its feet. We, however, think it much more pro-
bable that this "one man" who so acted was some English snob or
other, who had a monkey-like desire to ape Sir Walter Raleigh, in
the hope that young Prince Alfred would condescend for once to
play the part of old Queen Bess. But the Prince had the good sense
to remember who he was, and so did not forget himself: though we
have no doubt that he let out something like " Confound the fellow! "
when he had to pull his horse aside with such " delightful tact."

After treating us to several more long paragraphs of bosh, the
Jerusalem penny-a-liner winds up his statement thus :—

" It will be gratifying to the people of England to know that H. r. H. was in
excellent health and spirits, and charmed all the world by his unaffected courtesy
as well as his dignity and manly English bearing."

Oh, yes, of course ! We were prepared to hear all this, and we are
of course ecstatified to hear it. But it would still more " gratify the
people of England" to hear that their young Prince was not exposed
to all this snobbism, which is enough to be the ruin of his "unaffected
courtesy" and "manly English bearing." It perhaps was only
natural that the inhabitants of Bethlehem should have behaved them-
selves like Bedlamites: but they by no means are the only persons
bitten with such madness. There is such a spreading mania for
running after Royalty, that we really think in future the progress of
our Princes ought to be preceded by a general strait-waistcoating, by
which all loyal lunatics might be restrained from such mad acts.

General Disarmament.

HeiC?e Bay has displayed a praiseworthy alacrity in the cause of
Peace by declaring its readiness to put down its One Policeman imme-
diately. In the mean time, the only Staff it can boast of has been
recalled, and deposited on the shelf of the Station House.