Punch: Punch (36.1859)

226 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 4. 1859.

THF ITALIAN QUADRILLE.

Afl DANCED BETWEEN THE FRENCH AND AUSTRIAN ARMIES.

A NO-WAR SONG.

To Her Majesty's Ministers.

movements of the two
armies for the last ten
days. As they are
; now perfect in their
steps, it is supposed
they will shortly begin
to take a few fresh
ones :—

The Austrians ad-
vance.

The French retire.
The French advance.
The Austrians retire.
They change sides,
and repeat the same
figure several times.

They fire down the
middle.

They join arms,
cross bayonets, seize
each other in the best
way they can, and
chassez croisee for some
considerable time.

Bothbalaacezto take
breath.

Opposite sides ad-
vance, meet half-way,
salute one another, and
then retire to their

^^^^__- - ' ~j?**^~1°Tl*r ~"^fjP§^ original places.
^ *V ^Z^^L—^i^^^^^^^^^liL_^^ ('(trailer seul by

—--^3s&£§&—^^^^^^ -^.jTz-SBaMB^^^MpB^1^ Louis Napoleon.
& --—^^^^s^ Cavalier seul by Vic-

tor Emmanuel.

Cavalier seul by General Gyulai. Grand galop round the country.

General Ronde d'hilarite.

As soon as this Quadrille is over, they begin again.

ur Own Correspondent Beneath Protection's flag arrayed,
informs us that the fol- But not once more against Free Trade,
lowing have been the j Advance, you gentlemen in power,

Or change your places for the Tower.

Protection of you we require,
Against invading sword and fire;
By sea and land attack to bide,—
We want all that, and more beside.

Protection from those German tricks
(Confound all foreign politics !)
By which endeavours will be made,
Through your means, to obtain our aid.

Know, we will fight on no pretence,
Except alone for self-defence;
Erom either side aloof we '11 stand,
We care but for our native land.

Then, oh! if you are wise, beware,
Good Sirs, of Pope and Kaiser's snare;
For them request us wars to wage ?
Pause ere you tempt a nation's rage.

You, Wiseman's new allies, take heed!
For Rome shall we be taxed and bleed P
For Austria draw both sword and purse ?
Say yes !—and take the nation's curse.

May we have cause to say no more,
Or you shall hear the people roar:
Meanwhile, mark England's gentle cry ;
It is—" No war; no Popery! "

The Heat in Paris.

A Lady writes from Paris to say that the
heat _ during the last week has been so intense
that it is impossible to keep a secret for longer
than half-an-hour.

THE PRESS AND THE BAR.

A Late police report, of no interest to anybody but the prisoner's
friends, and the prosecutors, informs us that:—

" The prosecution was conducted by Mr. Blank, and the prisoner was
defended by Mr. Stars, the barrister."

Will the gentlemen who report police-cases explain why it is that,
whenever they have occasion to name a forensic gentleman as con-
cerned on either side, they invariably prefix the definite article to the
word barrister ? " The prisoner was defended by Mr. Stars, the
barrister." Why the barrister ? Is " the barrister" equivalent to
"the celebrated barrister?" Is Mr. Stars pre-eminent above other
barristers ? He may come to be ; we hope he will; he mav be a rising
counsel now: he will perhaps be Attorney-General, Lord Chief Justice,
I or Lord Chancellor by-and-by; may we all live to see him on the
woolsack! But he has not yet attained to the top of his profession.
Nothing is generally known of Mr. Stars the barrister, to distin-

fuish him from Mr. Smith the barrister. In fact, if there is a
arrister named Smith, he also will figure in the police reports as Mr.
Smith the barrister. The same rule will be observed with respect to
Messrs. Brown, Jones, and Robinson, barristers. Not so with
Mr. Smith and the other, or any other legal gentlemen, if attorneys.
Mr. Smith will simply be called Mr. Smith, solicitor, and the rest
likewise: solicitors without articles, definite or indefinite. What is
meant by the peculiar distinction assigned to the barrister ? Pre-
eminence of some kind. But, as has been shown, that pre-eminence is
not pre-eminence by comparison with other barristers. By comparison
with whom then? By comparison, we presume, with the other
parties principally concerned in police-court business. "The bar-
ristpr" is a man of rank in relation to people of an inferior grade. The
indefinite article denotes estimation, as the definite does the reverse.
The gentlemen who write " the barrister " would write " a sweep."

The honour of the indefinite article conferred on an advocate, whose
humble function is perhaps the defence of a pickpocket, appears to
evince a sense of the superiority of that learned gentleman to every-
body else in the court, except perhaps the magistrate, in respectability
of social position.

MR. PUNCH'S DERBY PROPHECY.

That He, and a good many thousand other extremely respectable
persons, will have on Thursday morning a perfect recollection of the
way they went down, and a very imperfect one of the way they
came up.

That He, and the others above mentioned, will try to propitiate
the partners of their bosoms, by presenting them with handsful of
those abominable little long-legged dolls for the children, and will be
eminently unsuccessful. Possibly they may succeed better, towards
the end of the week, with the long-promised dinner at the Trafalgar,
and the opera-box for the rnext night, or something else which may
mitigate the well-merited wrath of the British Matron.

That about three o'clock in the afternoon of Wednesday the tele-
graph will have proclaimed, throughout the length and breadth of the
land, the name of the victor in the great race.

Mr. Punch has, in the above observations, named the winner; so
make your bets. Tooey-tooey-tooey-too!

An Admirable War Footing.

Cousin Alfred was reading out to Julia (his arm was round her
waist, for he found that that attitude helped him over the Italian
words wonderfully) the account of the Austrian Campaign. Julia
listened with a rapt attention that the subject scarcely deserved. "The
late Marshal Marmont used to say" (pursued Alfred m his dew-
toned voice), "that Austria could stamp armies out of the earth
" Good gracious me, dear Alfred," laughingly exclaimed the peach-
tinted Julia, half blushing to interrupt a narrative so intensely inte-
resting, " if Austria can stamp in that way, what famous military heels
she must have."

the height of imagination.

An Imaginary Conversation between a Dumb-Bell and a Dumb-
Waiter.—Tufper's doing it!