Punch (55.1868)

July is, 1868.] PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Provincial (at the Leeds Exhibition). “I’ve h beard as the Paint on some o’ these yere * Pic tees’ comes to a matter o’
Fi’ Pounds sometimes, let alone the Man’s Time a Lavin’ of it on, yer know! ! !”

THE GREAT AMERICAN ELECTION.

It is fitting tliat every Diner-Out sliould understand the situation in j
! America, as, Mr. Punch is happy to say, you are nearly sure to meet j
American gentlemen, and happier to say, American ladies, in good i
■society. He will, therefore, in a few words, explain matters with the j
lucidity all his own. President Johnson’s time will soon expire, and
his successor must be elected. The rival candidates are General
Grant and Mr. Horatio Seymour. The General is put up by the
Republicans, Horatio by the Democrats. You might think that in a
Republic everybody was a Republican, but this would only show your
frightful ignorance. You might think that in a Democracy everybody
was a Democrat, but this would only show your frightful ignorance.
There is much more behind. It is ah very well for men in a rotten
old country like this to label themselves Liberal or Conservative, and
so to be placed at once. Subtler politics pervade the States. Gene-
rally, you may say that the General’s friends are those who were most
^persevering with the war, and are most resolved to make the South
understand that it is whipped, and to give power to the Nigger. You
may also understand that Mu. Horatio’s party call themselves Conser-
vative, and are for something like repudiation of financial bargains,
.and for encouraging the Penians while the vote of the Irish rabble is
useful, and then for throwing them over. Also that Seymour’s friends
•are of the Johnsonian party, partly. Those facts will do for you to
•shuffle with; but, if you want to discuss the whole subject seriously,
you must know that the Reconstruction Question has to be considered
•along with the Nebraska Line, and yet that the Hard Shells are sepa-
rated, to a certain extent from the Copperheads, yet not so far as to
‘involve the Naturalisation Doctrine, at least in-its bearings upon the
issue of Greenbacks, and the recognition of the Confederate Debt.
You must also bear in mind that, although Mr. Colpax, who is put
‘up as Yice-President with the General, is in the habit of smiling a
;good deal, this by no means weakens the right of Chief Justice
‘Chase to be sent to Vienna in the place of Mu. Motley, when Mr.
Horace Greeley shall have finished inaugurating the new Public
Ledger Buildings (the most superb newspaper office in the world, and

one that will make famous the name of Mr. Childs), though not too
much stress must be laid on the return of Mr. Adams, greatly
respected by all. .Lastly, you must balance all the above items, and
then throw into the scale the death of Hiram Kimber, the eminent
Mormon, which is a counter-blow to the demise of Mr. Buchanan
and then, if you read the Constitution by the light of the will of
General Washington, and the European Edition of the Neio York
Herald, and carefully study the first ninety-seven tons of Mr.
Seward’s Despatches, you will be able modestly to sustain a conver-
sation on American politics, if your own share in it be limited, as Punch
advises, to asking questions of your American friends.

AERONAUTICAL SOCIETY.

Sir,—This is Thursday, July 9th, and I am in London. I read of
the doings of the Aeronautical Society. What ’s_ the use of such a
Society existing, if they can’t give us a breath of air in Town ?. What
are Water Companies for? Water. What are Air Companies for?
Air. Very well then, let s have some. Yours, gaspingly, Gaspar.

P.S. I was going to add two jokes about raising the wind, also
about water rates and aerates, including something good apropos of
aerated bread; but I can’t work them up. Too hot. If you like the
ideas, do ’em yourself.—G.

An Alderman on the Antique.

Mr. Alderman Lusk, M.P. for Einsbury, has endorsed the remark
of one of his friends, touching the Elgin Marbles, that those remains
of Grecian sculpture were “ big stones and men without heads, and he
did not think much of them.” Probably the worthy Alderman prefers
Gog and Magog.

The “ Cross ” Benches in the House of Lords.—Where the
angry Peers sit.