Punch (59.1870)

August 27, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

91

DEBATE^

WOW ENS
RIGHTS

WAR NOTES.

That is, the only kind or Notes fob, which Mr. Punch can

find SpaCR during the present crisis. TlIE CHARGE to HIS

Correspondents is Fiye Guineas per line.

ear Mr. Punch,—The one
place on the Victoria Em-
bankment 'where there is
any shade, in the after-
noon, is behind Somerset
House. This fact will be
known through the Ages,
but I am the first to point
it out. Persons making
appointments with in-
tended wives will be thank-
ful to Yours truly,
Amoroso Sunburnico.

DearPunch,—Has any

Dear Treasury of Knowledge,

Will you kindly let me know where this quotation is to be
found ? I have consulted every authority in vain.

" Off, Man's first Disobedience ! Hand the fruit! "

Yours sincerely,

Llandidnotknow.

[We have not the least idea. Perhaps some well-read Correspondent
can inform us. No other need apply.]

Dear Punch,

I am surprised that none of your amateur witcrackers have
sent you, what; hundreds of them must think a joke about " Worth."
The place is as ruinous to the Frenchmen as the man-milliner to their
wives. Comprenny? Yours truly,

A Bill-Payer.

BOYS WON'T BE BOYS.

mm
Jtf

There is an old saying that " boys will be boys," but in the present
quarrel arisen between St. j day the negative of this assertion is much nearer to the truth. Boys
Clement and St. Mary ? j now won't be boys, at least as far as nature will allow them to deny it.
I ask because the weather- j That is, they now eschew all so-thought boyish tastes and privileges,
cocks of their respective ! and do their best—or worst—to be treated as young men. A boy when

he is twelve now apes the airs and manners of a youth of twenty. He
aspires to playing billiards instead of bagatelle, and in lieu of sucking
lollipops he " must have his smoke." He can't enjoy a game of cricket
if he be not " in good form;" and as for being pleased with such a
The Pig that Sees ' weapon as.a pop-sun, not even in his babyhood would such a childish
Wind i ^ su^*K'iei1* f°r ms aim. Boys rarely now play marbles or such
. v "fit -fr^^ \ ■ -yvi +i t 1 i I infantile games, but from their cradle jump to leap-frog, and then only

^tA^^^^S \ LYu 0T\ • ul I condescend to unbend themselves at football and other manly sports.

V weathercocks might be a These they play ^ &Q exceediag air of gravity and judgment> and

solution, only ttiat oil isn r engage in them apparently far less as an amusement than a business of
p t one.j importance, which requires the deepest thought. If you take them to

Punch, . _ _ a pantomime, boys will hardly condescend to smile at the hot poker,

, .x, °AR country f"endLs a/« UP *&mLm to'Tn- 1 Tuld w-n ai*d very likely will begin to criticise the ballet-girls and find fault with
it but that I am compelled by the war to be in town also. Will you the Columbine for wearing too, much paint. Boys now bet upon the
tell them not to walk on both sides oi the street at once, not to stand , Doat.race and indulge in Derby Sweeps, and hardly condescend to
staring because a cab-horse has fallen down, and above all, not to help ; pocket less thaQ guinea ti Moreover) and perhaps this is the worst
the betting cads to block the way at the offices of the sporting papers, j symptom, too many boys are growing such precocious little gourmands,

Your obedient Servant, as to have no healthy relish for Bath buns and "open jams," and

Antibumpkin. ■ firmly to refuse to patronise a pastrycook who is unable to supply them
Revered Punch, . Iwith ^ ^gex-b^r. ', -

I read in the Saturday that an American etiquette book cau-
tions ladies not to use a comb in the drawing-room, when they come in THE TOURISTS AND THE THAMES,
from a walk. Reminds me of a song of my youth :

churches in the Strand
have an inconvenient habit
of pointing to different
quarters. Ever yours,

" I've been roaming, I 've been roaming
O'er the rose and lily fair,
And I'm combing, and I'm combing
All their blossoms from my hair."

Yours affectionately,

Mermaid.

Dear Mr. Punch,

Another controversy on the ever-vexed question of the deri-
vation of the word Parliament! As if you had not given final
judgment years ago. Parler, to speak, mentir, to lie.

Yours indignantly,

An ex-M.P.

Mr Dear Punch,

I dare say that you are often asked to accept " a fact," which
is no fact at all. But this is really one. A friend of mine, a gentle-
man, and one whom I never before convicted of any base or idiotic
action, actually dared to ask me yesterday why Berlia was the most
dissipated capital in Europe? Of course his friends have removed
the poor fellow to a place where he may be gradually cured—it is on
the left hand of the Brighton railway. Yours always,

Bonassus Boobyhater.

[Up to the present writing we have had 1162 of such cases, and
others are occurring while these lines pass through the press. We
may mention, also, that 973 idiots have asked us what the War will
cost Prance, and of course have answered their own foolish question
with the name of the Emperor.]

Mr Own Punch,

I am told by great letters in front of a house in the City,
"All these windows are Ancient Lights." Will you allow me space to
reply, civilly, that I don't care if they are.

Yours, faithfully,

One who Hates Unasked Information.

Isle of Eel-pies, exists yet thine hotel

Eor holiday excursions from Cockaigne ?
Prepare thy board then, to regale the Swell—
The Rhine is closed by war, which doth compel

At home our tourists mostly to remain.
And up the Thames this year may Gentles fare.
(On Gentles pun let augler if he please.)

Then, Eel-pie Island, 'twill with thee be well.
Some will seek Teddington for fresher air,

Or Hampton Court, to breathe a purer breeze.
Thames Ditton some will visit yet again,
Maidenhead, Taplow, Cliefden capped with trees.
At Marlow in their inn they '11 take their ease;
And may the Pilgrim see things well done there.

Questionable.

In one of Edmond About's letters to the Soir, he says :—

" But Providence or chance put me to bed on Sunday night in the same
chamber where Marshal MacMahon slept the evening before, and General
Baron Gersdorf two days after. I found in it a packet of telegraphic des-
patches, forgotten by the Marshal. These papers did not belong to me, so I
gave them up. They belonged to history. I took a copy of them."

Quite right to give these papers up, M. About, but quite wrong, as we
think, to copy them. Who can now be surprised at Ministers of War
and Commanders-in-Chief not receiving Newspaper Correspondents
with open arms ? _

Educational Chess.

A Contemporary, urging on Churchmen the policy of setting to
work immediately at the foundation of schools to be conducted on
Church principles, observes that:—"The great difficulty is, that the
Bishops cannot be got to move." Why ? Is it because they canno*
without getting in check ?