Punch: Punch (69.1875)

56

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 14, 1875.

THE ART OF CONVERSATION.

First Party (opening Conversation). "'Ave you 'eard as Jim Bates's Father

says he 'll give 'iM the SACK ? "

Second Ditto (after pause). " Whose Fatheb ? "
First Ditto. " Why, Jim Bates's ! "
Second Ditto (after pause). " Jim Bates's who ? *
First Ditto. " Why, Jim Bates's Fattier ! "

Second Ditto (after pause). "Jim Bates's Father! Well, what does he
Say ? "

First Ditto. " Says he'll give 'im the Sack 1 "
Second Ditto (after pause). "Give 'hc the what?"
First Ditto. " Give him the Sack !"
Second Ditto (afterpause). " Give who the Sack? "
First Ditto. "Why, Jim Bates !"

Second Ditto (after long pause). " Ah ! I 'eaed that the Day before yes-
terday ! "

Addebley, Me. Disbaeli was fain to yield a line to be drawn by tbe ship-
owner, not tbe Government. Mb. Reed then moved tbe prohibition of deck-
cargoes, but was defeated, after a discussion in which Sir C. Addebley and
Sir Staitord Noethcote bad by no means the best of the argument, by 193
to 130.

John Bull and Jack Tar both would have good reason to be obliged to the
House of Lords if they could undo the Commons' work in this matter, though it
is to be feared that there is little chance of it at this fag-end of the Session.
Probably the majority felt that, as they had overborne the Government on the
load-line, and meant to force their hand—Mb. Disbaeli calls it "assisting"
them—in stowage of grain-caTgoes, they thought it only due to their allegiance
to throw over Mb. Reed's deck-load clause.

The upshot of the night's work was to stop two of the leaks in the Bill, and
to leave the third, and perhaps most dangerous, open. But there is an extra
plank or two between poor Jack and death for this winter. Let us hope there
will not be quite so many who go down to the (bottom) of the sea in ships as
usual.

Tuesday (Lords).—Lobd Cabnabvon gave a cheery account of the Gold
Coast, whose revenue is increasing as it ought to be—pacification going on
steadily, and Slave Trade Abolition Ordinances working well. Conflict of juris-
dictions between our settlements and the French at the Gambia are the worst
dangers!

" Satan finds some mischief still
For idle hands to do."

And when, besides idleness, new rum is cheap, the
thermometer at boiling heat, and swamp-fever waving
her yellow wings over every un-woolled head within the
margin of that White Man's Grave, the Old Gentleman
ought to be having a peculiarly lively time of it.

Lobd John, who loves to have his dear old fingers in
every pie, came forward with a zeal for poor Jack that
does honour to his heart, to move an address to Heb
Majesty to give special directions for every precaution,
between this and next Session, to preserve the lives of
our sailors from danger of unseaworthy ships.

Luckily, Plimsoll and Parliament together will give
Poor Jack something better than such directions to
trust to.

"Pretty," as Pepys would say, to see everybody so
zealous for Poor Jack all of a sudden!

(Commons.) Sib C. Addebley formally announced Heb
Majesty's intention to issue a Royal Commission on
Copyright. Not before it is wanted. Hitherto, when
one hears of Mr. C. Reade's eighteenpence and Arch-
bishop Whately's eleven and twopence (was it?) from
tbe Pactolus opened for British Authors by Canadian
law, one cannot feel that, up to this time, whatever else
they have got by tbe sale of their works, they have got
such a " Royal Commission."

A long and strong fight—Mb. Shaw Lefevbe heading
the one force, and Mb. Hunt the other—between the
pro and con of competition for Naval Cadetships. Much
sense spoken on both sides.

The Government have determined on doing away with
Competition for the first step in naval service. There is
much to be said against competition as actually con-
ducted, not for Naval Cadetships only, but for Army
Commissions and Civil Service Clerkships. It has been
conducted, as far as Mr. Punch can learn, so as to strain
to the uttermost the case that can be made in its favour.
There is nothing that stands in more need of the con-
stant influence of sound sense and the diplomatic dis-
couragement of pedantry and red-tape. But the remedy
is not to do away with competition—for that means the
re-establishment of jobbery, back-stairs' favour, and
personal influence, and the casting back again into the
cold shade of unfriended ability, and energy that cannot
reach high or low enough for a patron—but the conduct-
ing of it with a sensible regard to the demands of the
Service, and the actual training, natural strength, and
knowledge and reading reasonably to be looked for from
boys of the age to be examined.

John Bull should look to this, and neither allow Com-
petitive Examination to be discredited by the pedantry
and unwisdom in the misconduct of it, nor the country
to be robbed of the unassisted energy and ability to
which it should open, and was meant to open, a career.

Tbe Battle of the Guns—already fought once this Ses-
sion—opened again by Captain Pbice. He insists on
experiments to test our Woolwich " Infants," bigger and
lesser, as they would be tested in action—not with
violet and iris-powder, but villanous sulphur and
saltpetre.

These "Infants" are certainly too dear to be left
without very close looking after. Mb. Hunt promised
careful, nay, crucial experiment.

Wednesday. — Additional Estimates of £417,000.
Dodson may gnaw at the Exchequer file, and welcome,
while Sib Stafeobd is able to announce a rise in
Customs, Excise and Stamps large enough not only
comfortably to cover tbe big body of Supplementary
Estimates, but to tuck in on each side with a million
margin! To be sure, "there's many a slip between
the cup and. the lip"; and only four months of the
twelve are over yet.

Mb. Gladstone once more donned his favourite
costume—the dark mantle of Jeremiah, Prophet and
Economist—and delivered himself of a wail not only
over the wicked extravagance of John Bull's house-
hold, but, still more, over John's own light-hearted
indifference to it. John absolutely declines to work
himself into a wax over any amount of wasted candle-
ends and cheese-parings not fully accounted for.

Me. Gladstone has added another to his famous series
of political Triads—"the Three Roads to Ruin of a
Government—to increase expenditure, not to reduce
debt, and never to impose new taxes."