Punch: Punch (69.1875)

58

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 14, 1875.

AN AMBUSCADE.

Captain de Smythe insidiously beguiles the fair Laura and her Sister to a certain secluded Spot where, as he

happens to know, his HATED RIVAL, Mr. ToMKYNS, IS in the hab£t of secretly practising on the BlCYCLE. He (captain
de S.) calculates that A mere glimpse of Mr. t., as he wobbles wildly bit on that instrument, will be sufficient to

dispel any Illusions that the fair Laura may cherish is her Bosom respecting that worthy Man.

STOCKS TOR THE CITY.

{Song by a Small Capitalist.)

JoiNT-stock and Loan Prospectus, go,

To light cigars and fires!
No men I trust but those I know ;

Doubt all else rogues and liars.
For slender saviDgs though I fain

"Would get a trifle more,
Financiers, you conspire in vain
- To filch my little store.

0 for a Seer who, gazing round,

Could peer all projects through.
Discern the rotten from the sound,

And teach me wisdom true;
How more than three per cent, to gain,

Yet safely to invest,
The highest interest to obtain :

Security the best!

There's nothing but the Nation's Debt

To credit I can dare,
In that alone will caution let

Me purchase any Share.
Ah where, except in risky trade,

My nest-egg could I lay,
Suppose the Debt in full were paid,

Consols wiped clean away ?

'Mongst all your Stocks, ye City Men,

Where most you 're wont to meet,
You lack a certain Pair to pen

Therein your swindlers' feet.
That, and a Pillory, too, at hand,

In which, like knave of yore, salt water for scoundrels.

Your leading rogues were forced to stand, Nobody can eat water. But when Shipowners send unseaworthy

Might confidence restore. I ships afloat, they might at least be compelled to drink their leak.

WILD BEASTS CHEAP.

Mr. Punch observes that, at the sale by auction of Mander's
Menagerie, whereas a Gorilla brought a hundred and five guineas, a
Russian Bear brought only a sovereign, and an American Wolf
twelve shillings and sixpence ! Unhappily, he was unaware of the
intended sale, or he might have purchased those two quadrupeds
to guard his sacred portals against all intruders who plague him.
with contributions before they have learnt to spell.

Might not Mander's Menagerie sale be followed by an auction at
the Menageries of Maunderers ? A few lots may easily be set down
as inviting purchasers, and any experienced Valuer could approxi-
mate to the prices at which they would be knocked down. Here is
an extract from the report, by Mr. Punch's own Prophet:—

Lot 1.—A Chimpanzee from Buckinghamshire, with an original
trick every evening. (£1000.)

Lot 67.—A Roman Boar from Peterborough, warranted to sing as
well as dance. (2fc?.)

Lot 99.—An Amphibious Animal from Carlisle, hitherto unde-
scribed. (5s.)

Lot 201.—A Merman, caught off Greenwich, with an axe in his
hand. He was very hard to capture, and was with difficulty pre-
vented from cutting down a large oak in Greenwich Park.
(£1666 6s. 8d.)

Lot 392.—A bigger Laughing Hysena than any yet exhibited,
from the County Cavan. (11c?.)

Lot 656.—A Lion, from Stoke-upon-Trent. Very tame. Has been
taught to shake his mane when sprinkled with dew. {\d.)

The bidding was not brisk, everyone appearing anxious that the
Lots should be knocked down. Indeed, the Lots were of the same
opinion, as the majority of them knocked themselves down.