Punch: Punch (69.1875)

94

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Septembeb 4, 1875.

PRETTY MANNERS IN HUMBLE LIFE.

Gallant Scavenger. " Very much thk good Day,* Madame ! And how fares Mister
your Husband, this fine Weather ?"

Polite Avplewoman. " Much better, I thank you, Monsieur ! Recall me, I pray
you, to the amiable Recollection of Madame your Spouse I "

Gallant Scavenger. "With pleasure, Madame. Vbry much the good Evening!"

Polite Applewoman. " Good Evening, Monsieur, and Good Night ! "

* In the original, " JSien le bonjour, Madame."

PHYSICAL EDUCATION.

It is strongly to be hoped that, as education spreads, and School-Boards multiply around
us, a knowledge of something more than the Three R's will be gradually instilled into the
smallest of Great Britons. Little boys now run the risk of being nabbed by the police,
and even put in prison, because they have not studied the law of gravitation. In ignorance,
no doubtj of the force which is acquired by the impetus of falling, they drop brickbats
upon trams when passing'under bridges, and incur thereby the .peril of being tried for
manslaughter. Unversed in physics, they project small pebbles with their catapults or
with their tiny fists; and these projectiles, coming into sudden contact with the window
of a railway-carriage, pierce the glass, and injure, or, at the least, affright, the_ passengers.

As a preventive to these pastimes, a course of physical instruction might with wisdom be
prescribed; and a fair notion of the forces of contact or collision might be fittingly imparted
to the minds of little students, by exposing a small portion of their bodies to a few blows
with a birch, which should be so wielded as to come into collision with them.

MECHIIN ANOTHER MOUTH.

{That of Mr.'JIawfinch.)

Zing a zong o' Makey,

'Bout zuinmut moor than rye ;
"Whate and wutts and barley :

Spell q' weather dry,
Which, in time o' harvest,

Meaks we birds to zing;
None but robins else no more

Wun't afore next Spring.

Four fine weeks o' sunshine

Ha' dried the sodden ground,
Sorry soaked craps ripun'd,

And brought their heads all round.
Kernels med be bigger,

And moor on 'um, no doubt;
The Miller, for all that, 'ool had

' Urn prove a good turn-out.

Barley laid and matted

Wi' weeds and clawver got,
But now there's hopes o' savun

A purty tidy lot.
Zum on't mun be wasted,

Thof the crap wun't fail.
Shan't ha' not much malt this year

To meak the best pale ale.

This ha' ben the sazun

For wutts above all graain,
Little though they promus'd

Afore they got the raain.
A second crap o' clawver

'Ool make the Farmers blithe;
'Tis now in vlower already,

A bidun vor the zithe.

The Winter banes be prime uns ;

The Spring do middlun grow.
The paes I can't zay much for,

As they be but so-so.
The Zun ha' saved the tatur3

By manes o' hate and light,
A dryuu up the vungus,

And.burnun out the blight.

The root-craps altogether-
There 's time afoor 'um yet—

Though now they looks perfecshun,
Be ready for moor wet.

Let's whoap the land 'ool vurnish
Enough—and that's a veast:

Abundance o' provizhun
And food for man and beast.

Music o' machinery

Hereabouts plays now,
Rippun ingion's puffun,

Throbbun o' stame-plough.
All the sarial straa-craps

Be bulkier, like, this year.
Charge the pipe wi' baccy ;

Fill the glass wi' beer.

Here's to Mb. Makey !

Med a live and thrive
Long to teach we farmers

Our hosses how to drive.
Wisdom for the smock-frock

Bid 'un change the gown:
Who 'ood bide a Cockney

When he med be a Clown ?

The Cheapest Channel Route.

Pat (in an economical mood). Shure,
and isn't it myself that 'sfound the cheapest
route to the Continent!

Sawney. Ye dinna say so! Ma gracious!
I'd like to knaw hoo to save the bawbees.

Pat. Faith thin, bedad and I '11 tell ye.
See now. Isn't it taking a wee bit of a
swim from Dover to Calais F