Punch: Punch (69.1875)

100 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 11, 1875.

O FLATTERY, THY NAME IS FRENCHWOMAN !

John Henry Jones thinks he will do a little bit of Marketing for himself, and asks the Price of Tomatoes. "With
a killing Glance and a winning Smile, the vendor replies that for him the? will be a Franc apiece, but that he
mustn't mention it. Tub modest J. H. J. blushes, and buys, in spite of some misgiving that for ansbody else they would
be about Sixpence a Dozen.

ON THE SPOT.

Shall we like Pierpoint, to which favourite and healthy sea-
side resort we finally resolved to come, after a period of much inde-
cision and uncertainty, and where we arrived, in heavy rain, in two
cabs, with thirteen packages, on Saturday P

Shall we he comfortable at 62, Convolution Street, dining-room
floor, two guineas and a half a week, and all and perhaps rather
more than the usual extras ?

Shall we like Mrs. Kittlespark ?

Shall we find Kate all that a Kate ought to be ?

Shall we lock everything up, or repose a noble confidence in Mrs.
Kittlespark and Kate ?

Shall we get to know the people in the drawing-room ?

Shall we subscribe to the Pier, or pay each time we go on it ?

Shall we subscribe to that most accommodating Circulating
Library, Pigram's, where we can exchange our books at pleasure,
but not oftener than once a day f

Shall we relax our minds with the newest novels, or give our
intellects a bracing course of the best standard works ?

Shall we dine late or early ?

Shall we call on the Denbigh Flints, who, according to the
Pierpoint Pioneer, are staying at 10, Ocean Crescent ?

Shall we carefully avoid the Wilkiesons, whom the same unerring
guide reports at 33, Blue Lion Street ?

Shall we be satisfied with our first weekly'bill P

Shall we find in it any unexpected and novel extras, such as
knife-cleaning, proportion of the water-rate, loan of latch-key, &c. ?

Shall we get our meat at Round's, who displays the Prince oe
"Wales's Feathers over his shop-door, and plumes himself on being
"purveyor" to His Royal Highness ; or at Cleaver's, who boasts
of the patronage of the Hereditary Grand Duke of Seltersland ?

Shall we find everything dearer here than it is at home ?

Shall we be happy in our laundress ?

Shall we be photographed ?

Shall we, as Mrs. Kittlespark has a spare bed-room, invite our
Cousin Amelia Staythorp, from whom we have expectations, and
who is Constance Edith Amelia's Godmother, to come down and
stay a week with us ?

Shall we be praise worthily economical, and determine not to spend
a single unnecessary sixpence; or shall we, as we have come to
Pierpoint, enjoy ourselves to the utmost, go in for all the amuse-
ments of the place—pier, public gardens, theatre, concerts, Ocean-
arium, bathing, boating, fishing, driving, riding, and rinking—
make excursions, be ostentatiously liberal to the Town Band, and
buy everything that is offered to us on the Beach P

A. month hence, shall we be glad or sorry to leave Pierpoint, and
go back to Paddington ?

Extra-Parliamentary Utterance.

(From a Hughenden Hammock.)

"Where the tree rocks, there rock I,

Far from question or reply ;

Silent still when owls do cry,

E xtr a- Parliamentary.

East or West, canards may fly,

Out of duck-shot here I lie,

After Session, sleepily.
Dizzily, dizzily, leave me to drowse,
Under the shadow of Hughenden boughs!

£1000 Reward!

"What is the object of the subscription for Captain Webb ? Only
to reward merit. It surely cannot be to keep his head above water.
He has shown us that he is able to do this for himself. However,
no one knows better than the Hero—or, rather, the Leander—of
the hour that " There is a tide in the affairs of man, which, taken
at its flood, leads on to fortune,"—via Dover and Calais.