Punch: Punch (69.1875)

HARMLESS AMUSEMENT.

Mr. Muchleston {after missing his Bird for the twentieth time). " I sat, Gaskins, I do believe the Birds abe frightened at me
Old Keeper (blandly). "They didn't ought to be, Sir!"

PLAIN WOEDS WITH A PROPHET.

Concerning certain predictions from the Pulpit of the Pro- Cathedral,

Kensington.

" It is my duty to show that the restoration of the Catholic hierarchy in
England is not only a grace to the Catholics of this land, but a benediction
upon England itself. . . . The mind of England is infinitely nearer to
Catholic truth than it was twenty-five years ago. . . . Englishmen know the
Catholic Church better than they did.

" If England ever come again into conflict with the Catholic Church,
though I am no prophet, I will foretell the result ... it will lose the last
fragment of its Christian inheritance. But I do not believe it will."

Cardinal Manning at Kensington.

Most reverend Cardinal! mellifluous Manning,

A vastly pretty programme you are planning!

But though the project has your imprimatur,

Punch dares to traverse it with his negatur .'

Your benediction 's bold, but, as you state it

(You 're quite correct!), we don't appreciate it.

We've snapt the golden link ? Most true. The fetter,

Though gilded, galled us. Freedom suits us better.

That English common-sense you laud so sweetly

Runs counter to your Eminence completely.

Dreading free play of individuality

Far less than Rome's infallible finality.

" Do we not know the Catholic Church ? " Well, slightly—

And, but that Punch desires to speak politely,

(While fires—pro tern.—are out and pikes are rusted,)

He'd hint that Church is " better known than trusted."

For we have memories : and, when holy touters—

Dupes to decoy and silence stubborn doubters,

With that fine mingling of the bland and bounceable,

Which irritable listeners wish were trounceable—

Paint her an unambitious, loving Mother,

Why, then, your Eminence, 'tis hard to smother

Irreverent laughter, for the sketch is risible.

Your Church has long been audible and visible,

And if we do not know her voice and features,

We English must be very purblind creatures.

" Great, solid, calm," you call us. Flattering, very ;

But then your application makes us merry.

You kindly show us—thanks for the civility!—

Our greatness measured by our—gullibility.

Unarmed, submissive, poor, without ambition—

'Tis so you paint the Church's meek condition

Within our borders, most persuasive Pictor !

But give the Ultramontane Boa-Constrictor

The power, and tightening of the coils might follow;

And then—we know the Creature's power of swallow !

Nay, nay, your Eminence, there are no terrors

For us in any Syllabus of Errors,

Pea-bladder which the Pope may shake at pleasure

Against the very things we trust and treasure;

But Mother Church's milder voice of suasion,

Which she so deftly uses on occasion,

Will hardly coax our Common-Sense to closing

With her bland offer. No! John may seem dozing,

But if, with his experience, he hark back again,

And, lamb-like, tread the well-known Romeward track again,

Lured on by wandering prophets of things pleasant,

Like—shall we say your Eminence ?—at present I

Punch, his pet spokesman now, will yield his function,

And, though he 'd mark with pity and compunction

The double-dupe's decline—a sorry sight, John !—

Could scarce resist the verdict, " Serve you right, John ! "

"back again" at the admiralty.

Suspension of the Slavery-Circular is all very well, as far as
it goes. The next step will, of course, be suspension of the
blundering official who framed it.