Punch: Punch (69.1875)

October 23, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

161

v ^ A

CROSSING THE DESERT.

{Fancy Sketch of a Royal Bird of Passage.)

MY BROKER.

Who leads me on to fields Elysian, _
"Where golden prospects greet my vision,—
And charges hnt a small commission ?

My Broker.

Who, while I trudge through muddy ways,
Rides (for that small commission pays)
Behind a handsome pair of bays ?

My Broker.

Who, sitting at Paetolus' fount,

Buys, sells, or holds for " next account,"

Charging, of course, a small amount ?

My Broker.

Whose tone is soft, whose manner bland ;
Who, lightly holding by my hand,
Talks figures I don't understand ?

My Broker.

When panics come, who seems to wear
A calm, serene, superior air,
As if it wasn't his affair ?

My Broker.

Whose villa 's somewhere in the West;
Whose wife's in silk and sealskin drest;
Whose wines and weeds are of the best't

My Broker's.

Whose waist expands ? Who still can sport
A face of roundest, ruddiest sort, i
Through drinking forty-seven port ?

My Broker.

Whom did I look on as my friend,

Till he those " Turks " would recommend—

Yet knew the inevitable end ?—

My Broker !

Such a. Rammer!—England's Vanguard
—the Iron Duke.

Hindoostanee. I must brush it up again. Twenty-four hours'
brushing will do it; and, until I have brushed it up, I don't think
it safe to call him a Chittabac Jugmul to his face.

11 a.m.—The Bungalows have arrived. They are as fine a set of
men as I've ever seen. Their chief is a Howdah—a. real Howdah,—
i.e., a genuine native Prince, all jewels and gold, daggers, swords,
pistols, and moustache. They are most willing to accept any
instruction from Your Representative. We are arranging terms for
lessons as to "How to receive the Prince." A nice mess they'd
have made of it without me! I

The Howdah rode in accompanied by a guard of Tiffins (mounted).
After kincob (an Indian meal for which there is no equivalent in
England), he treated me to a cigar and a review. To see the agility of
each Tiffin is marvellous ! While his horse is at full gallop, the Tiffin
swings_himself out of the saddle, rushes back three hundred yards,
fires his betel (a peculiar sort of Indian pistol), executes a supposed
enemy, and is on horseback again in less time than it has taken me
to recount the feat. I doubted, I said to the Howdah, whether this
particular Tiffin would have had time to cut off the head of a real
foe. It is dangerous to hint a doubt to a Howdah. He frowned,
and said something in Hindostanee, ivhich I would rather not
translate. The result, however, was that an unfortunate Punkah
was ordered to represent the enemy, and, in the next charge, the
Tiffin (whose agility I had questioned) leapt from his horse, and,
before I could wink, his coolie flashed in the air, and the poor
Punkah rolled down-hill a lifeless corse at my feet! The Howdah
smiled . . . This telegram leaves while he is still smiling. Y. R.

Foot-Note.—This indiscreet hint from our Correspondent lets in more than a
ray of light on his proceedings. We have strong reason to suspect that the so-
called " .Regent Ktmmtjn " is the ancient swarthy sweeper who for years has
swept a crossing in Regent Street. We are informed that our Correspondent
was seen in conversation with him, and, if still in England, he will he closely
watched. As to the extra pay for " local colouring," it will depend upon the
colouring itself, and the locality it comes from. We can only in honesty
warn our readers, and print our Correspondent's letters and telegrams as they
arrive. If he is going to try on us a repetition of the "Old Sheik" and
" Beummy," let him beware. The Bowstring—we mean the Bow Street-
will be his portion.—Ed.

Melancholy Announcement {under the Judicature Act).—The
last of the Barons—Sib John Walter Huddleston, Knight!

WANTED !

The Lady and Gentlemen Help Association can find excellent
positions for—

A Lady Help with twenty thousand a year, who can help her
husband to enjoy existence.

A Lady Help with deft fingers, who can open oysters, peel walnuts
and prawns, and make toast.

A Lady Help who can draft a speech that will suit an'ex-Secre-
tary of State at a Social Science Congress.

A Lady Help who can do the same for a mild and moderate Bishop
at a Church Congress—extra wages will be given for assistance in
the composition of Charges.

A Lady Help who can drive Four-in-Hand, for a Coach to be
started from Hatchett's Hotel to Coventry.

A Lady Help who is absolutely helpless—none need apply unless
they can show that they are good for nothing.

A Lady Help who can look into Messes. Emmanuel's or Madame
Elise's shop-window, with the house-money in her pocket, and not
wish to help herself.

Also—

A Gentleman [Help who can nurse babies, and comb their hair
carefully.

A Gentleman Help who can choose good cigars, and assist in
smoking them.

A Gentleman Help who can work a Sewing Machine and a private
apparatus for the distillation of whiskey.

AGentleman Help who can assist the Sultan of Turkey to pay
the interest on his debts.

A Gentleman Help who can help the Clerk of the Weather to turn
on a little more sunshine.

General Shut-up.

{Aldgate Pump included.)

O'er 'Change still hangs the fatal spell-
Clerics and spinsters Turkish sell;
Egyptian Drafts, too, downward jump,
And none may draw on Aldgate Pinnp !