Punch: Punch (69.1875)

October 23, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

169

IU PI Mi

•• Am mh ?

Mil ; : • [ l-

PROVINCIAL MOSSOOS IN THEIR SUNDAY BEST.

THE PEINCE'S LAST WORDS.

Oct. 12, Dover Pier.
Lo, the Castalia ready to start,
And our pet Prinoess, with a tremulous
heart,

Thinking of perils by sea and shore—
When there conies a Mayor (don't call him
a bore!),

And, to the Mayor a natural pendent,
A Corporation, in robes resplendent,
And the sauve Lord Warden, with patience
rare,

Says, " Your Royal Highness, this is the
Mayor."

He had an address, which he could not
read,

For the Captain wanted to get up speed :
The moon was bright and the sea was calm,
And why should Royalty suffer a qualm ?
There was tug and turmoil the deck all over,
So " unabatedly loyal" Dover
Was perforce content with a word in the
Times,

And immortal fame in Punch's rhymes.

Never, since Princes had to be fluent,
Was better speech than our royal truant
Made to the mighty Mayor of Dover—
Who wished him fortunate passage over,—
For he simply said, with his good-humoured
air,

"lam much obliged to you, Mr. Mayor."
The Prince's laconic style of reply
We advise all mayor-ridden magnates to
try.

With a Difference."

"I sit at ten pounds a week," exclaimed
Sir John Falstaff; and the fat knight
wished to make an end of it. "I sit at
ten pounds a day " might be the exclama-
tion of the Chief Commissioner at an
Election Inquiry, "and I have not the
slightest desire to make an end of it."
Verb. Sap.

REASSURING INTELLIGENCE.

A load must have been taken from many minds by the Times'
statement tbat the Pump in Aldgate, about to be closed by the
City Commissioners of Sewers, "on account of sewage contamina-
tion rendering it absolutely unfit for domestic purposes," is another
Pump than the venerated engine which has stood so long the
ornament and glory of Aldgate, and bears, distinctively, the name
of that famous Ward:—

" The offending pump is opposite the Church of St. Botolph, Aldgate, at
the corner of the Minories, and must not be confounded with the Aldgate
pump par excellence, situated at the junction of Leadenhall and Fenchurch
Streets, against which no imputation can justly be made."

Let us hope so. Perhaps Aldgate's own Pump descends into a
formation below the stratum whence sewage leaks into the well
of the mere Pump in Aldgate. Maybe the water of Aldgate Pump
par excellence excels that of the other in purity, and, particularly,
does not contain any of that meaty " albuminoid," which, present
as so much, and in any quantity too much, " body," in any water,
renders it peculiarly unfit to drink. Alas, this possibility is con-
tested as a fact, but if it were really so, and not otherwise, what
good citizen would not rejoice exceedingly to learn that the announce-
ment of conditions implying an end to Aldgate Pump was a false
alarm ?

NICE NAMES FOR THE NAVY.

Alabmists we are not, and have no wish to frighten anybody.
Still, we cannot help remarking that there really is some room for
some improvement in our Navy. Costly as they are, our ships seem
hardly worth the pains and pounds we spend on them. Soon as
they stir from shore, they appear to be assured of either breaking
down, or else of breaking up and sinking. The Vanguard was lost
lately, mainly owing to bad seamanship; and the Serapis, though

chosen for her speed as the right ship for the Prince, has, [it is
reported, owing to the " priming" of her engines, been steaming at
the rate of only seven knots an hour !

In either men or ships, then, it is clear we cannot boast much of
our Navy just at present. Put not your trust in Ironclads, must
just now be the watchword. As a cautionary measure, it might be
wise to change the names of certain of our ships, so as to inspire a
wholesome doubt of their seaworthiness. Names expressive of dis-
trust might be judiciously applied, and might by way of warning
prove of service to the nation. Instead of choosing names such as
the Victory or the Valorous, it might be well to christen vessels as
the Faulty or the Timorous. As a name of evil omen we should
rather like to see a big ship launched as the Cassandra. Names
such as the Trusty we would utterly discard, and in their place
make use of others—such, for example, as the Faithless, the Decep-
tive, or, still worse, the Unreliable. The Eagle or the Lynx might
likewise well be laid aside : and to imply a bad look-out, we would
call a ship the Mole, the Bat, or else the JBlindworm._ For the
Camilla or the Swiftsure, we would advise the substitution of the
Sinksure or the Slowcoach: while in lieu of braggart titles like the
Terrible, the Bulldog, the Ajax, and the Thunderer, we would
recommend the usage of a more modest nomenclature—as, for
instance, the Feeble, the Tortoise, the Jackass, or the Blunderer,

Herzegovina and Spain.

A party, in Spain is said to meditate a pronunciamento in favour
of Ex-Queen Isabella. While they are about it, they might as
well tell us how to pronounce the name of the Herzegovinian Leader
Ljubibratics. That crack-jaw word looks about as like
"Lucubrations" as "Skuptschina" to "Soup-kitchen."

Cruel, but Compendious Criticism.—Me. Irvlng's Macbeth —
Mm Bells.