Punch: Punch (69.1875)

October 30, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 175

ever made. Perhaps you do not know of what this dish is com-
posed ? I don't; but I ate it. It is something between the flavour
of oranges and shrimps, and when iced to about the consistency of
a jelly, you pick it out with an Indian Jtillar made of ivory, and
closely resembling the mustard-spoon in ordinary use among our-
selves.

If the Prince does not stop to taste this, which is eaten as a relish
before dinner, he will in the future miss one of the most delightful
reminiscences of the Indian cuisine.

In haste to catch the mail, I am

Your Representative.
P. S.—Don't forget extra pay for local colouring.

THE HOUSE AND THE HOME:

OR, HINTS TOWARDS A GRAMMAR OF DECORATIVE ART.

By Leonardo Delia Robbia de Tudor Westpond Totipkyns,
Esq., S.A.S., A.R.F., M.U.F., and Hon. Member of the Dulli-

dillitanty Society.

Hoio to Furnish'a House for a Composer.—Every article of fur-
niture should belinstrumental in affording him assistance at his

work of genius. Nothing should be lost.
His chairs should combine the harp at
the back and the pianette in the seat.

The glasses on his table should be each
of a different tone, and so arranged as to
produce the most melodious tunes at
every meal.

The patterns on his plates should be in
musical notes, and these would exhibit
his peculiar crotchets ii ^decorative art.

His fire-place should oe five bars. His
tongs should be two quavers, and his
poker another quaver, and they could
stand on clefs. Nothing more simple,
nor, I may add, to the artistic mind,
more touching.

What for a flower-stand can be more
suitable than a post-horn?—fitting into
a small stand, so as to prevent dust getting into the mouthpiece,

and also not to allow of the escape of the water so necessary for
the support of the flowers.
For the Composer's Washing-Stand, what better than a drum,

with movable lid, so that when the basin was removed it would be a
drum, and when the basin was restored it would be a washing-stand ?

A Tambourine Tray or salver is also suggested by the musician's
skill.

His front door-posts would be
formed by the uprights of bas-
soons, if bassoons be the name
of those long wooden sticks
with a brass mouthpiece stick-
ing out of them; and to these
mouthpieces the visitors could
apply themselves, and with a
good blast would become at
once " Somebody with a note—
at the door."

A violoncello would form an
admirable cupboard, and the
pillars of the house could be
fluted columns.

The window blinds should be
covered with his own composi-
tions. Another would form
exquisite patterns for his
portieres. All the stools
should be musical boxes, and
all the fauteuils likewise.

Venetian blinds lend them-
selves to bar patterns admir-
ably, and with a couple of
strings you can change the
tune from time to time.

The lower part of the house
should be styled the thorough
basement, and the upper the altics.

There should be a key of a different pattern to every lock in the
house. One set of major keys, and another of minors.

The staircase carpet pattern (or pavement, if used) should repre-
sent the Chromatic Scale.

The Key of A should be that of the Ante-room.

The Key of B, the Boudoir.

The Key of C, the China Closet.

The Key of D, the Drawing-room.

E, the Eating or Dining-room.

{To be continued.)

BEEF AT A CHURCH CONGRESS.

{See Letter by a " West Somebset Parson " in the Times, Oct. 20.)

Theee is a Country Parson of Western Somerset,

He seems as wise a Parson as Punch has ever met;

He finds the tenant of his glebe at law and justice mocks,

And sends to London market cow by the name of ox:

He finds,.moreover, that said cow, seller and buyer weeting,

Died in a state which rendered it most questionable eating.

He does not stay to sermonise—he writeth to the Times;

He says that selling beef that's bad is quite a crime of crimes :

He states that the bucolic lout, extremely fond of pelf,

Will send to Leadenhall Market what he would not eat himself—

He really doesn't think it a wicked thing to do,

Just poisoning with meat diseased a Lunnon chap or two.

Punch likes idyllic country life, and really feeleth loth

To think that Arcades ambo too oft means " blackguards both;"

Yet might the term apply full well, he verily must avow,

To the man who sold, and also to him who bought, that cow.

And he thanks the Somerset Parson for coming to relief

Of the unsuspecting Cockney who prefers wholesome beef.

For what says he, the Parson ? Unlikely you would guess :
This, that such tricks are the thing to moot at the Church's next
Congress.

Altar or Table battle is squabble very slight;
'Twixt con- or trans- substan-tiate is hardly worth a fight;
Wear alb or surplice as you will—long petticoats, short sleeves :
But High or Low should teach their flocks they ought not to be thieves.

Hail/ 0 West Somerset Parson! Go on as you've begun,
Archbishop Punch declares the Church has not a wiser son.
You know the way to check the men who swindle and overreach:
If your sermons are not very long, he '11 come and hear you preach ;
And afterwards, right willingly, go home with you to lunch
On steak of ox (with oyster-sauce) fit for the plate of Punch.

The Silly Season."—The Honeymoon.