Punch: Punch (69.1875)

November 6, 1875.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 191

THE ROYAL ROAD TO ELEGANCE.

Little Spiffkins {who can only afford one new Suit per Annum, but patronises a fashionable
West-End Tailor). " 0, by the bye, Mr. Brqwn, can you suggest any Means by which

i could prevent my trousers from bagging at the knees ? "

Mr. Brown. " Well, Sir, there's only one Way / know of, and that's what most
of my Customers do ! "

Little Spiffkins. " Tell me ! What is it?"

Mr. Brown. "Well, they order Twenty or Thirty Pair at a Time, Sir!''

"CHARGE, CHESTER, CHARGE!"

Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, a few admirers of the Light Brigade
intend to celebrate the anniversaries of the following charges :—

November 9.—Herb Von Cheatemdore, of the Golden Fleece Baden-Baden, celebrates
the ninth anniversary of the famous day when he charged Viscount Noodle five pounds
for his bed and breakfast.

November 11.—M. Macaxre, Hotel du Grand Voleur, Paris, celebrates the first anniversary
of the glorious day when he charged Sir Smith and Sir Brown thirty-five pounds for a week's
accommodation.

^November 20.—Angus McCorkiton, Rob Roy Hotel, Glen Stealach, N.B., celebrates the
third anniversary of the unco' guid day when he charged a party of Frenchmen sixteen
shillings for eight small glasses of whiskey.

December 2.—The Bishop oe Double Gloucester celebrates the eighth anniversary of
the pious day when, in his charge to his Clergy, he forbade them the use of scent on
their pockethandkerchief s, and the playing of croquet. » 1

December 17.—A _ Contented Nephew celebrates the nineteenth anniversary of the
fortunate day when his Rich Uncle put so large a charge of powder in his gun that he blew
himself to smithereens, and thereby enabled the aforesaid Contented Nephew to take possession
of .his large estates.

STRANGE COMPANY.
Wonders will never cease, while people advertise their wants. As for instance, thus :—
^ LADY of Good Education desires a POST as COMPANION.

We have heard, when on board ship, of a companion ladder, but we never before heard
of a companion post. Really, a post seems an odd thing to desire for its companionship.
± or ourselves, we had far rather make a crony of a walking-stick. There are so many
kinds of posts, too, that we wonder that the lady does not specify her preference. For
light company perhaps a lamp-post would be suitable; but at all events at night one

CHARGE OP THE LIGHT
BRIGADE.
(No. 2.)

{At the Alexandra Palace Banquet,
October 25.)

Paying sight! Left and right,
Crowds pressing onward,—
Sharp Alexandra Board
Dines the Two Hundred!
" Free passes grant them all! "
Veterans, short and tall—
Sharp Alexandra Board—
(Profits will not be small)—
Dines the Two Hundred!

" Go it, the Light Brigade! "
Toast-Master, sore dismayed,
Queered by those heroes' chaff,
Boggled and blundered.
Theirs not to speechify,
Still less to make reply ;
Theirs but to drain all dry,—
Into the drinkables
Walked the Two Hundred!

Bottles to right of them,
Bottles to left of them,
Bottles in front of them,
While the band thundered:
They knew no " Captain Cork "—
Boldly they went to work,
After the eatables
Fell to their knife and fork,—
Thirsty Two Hundred!

A La Husse might surprise,
Still they knew joints and pies,
Clearing the dishes there,
Releves and entrees, while
Scared waiters wondered;
Then, plunged in 'bacca smoke,
Glasses and pipes they broke—
Comrades long sundered,
Big with old lark and joke,
Gleefully met again—
Jolly Two Hundred!

Trophies to right of them,
Trophies to left of them,
Cardigan's charger's head,
Piously sundered !
Back they reeled, from the spread,
Straight as they could, to bed—
They that had dined so well—
Nothing to pay per head—
Happy Two Hundred!

When shall their glory fade P
0, what a meal they made!
Cockneydom wondered.
Honour the Charge they made—
Bravo the Light Brigade !
Hearty Two Hundred!

Translation by our Eton Boy.

(Horace, Odes, I. xxxvii. 10.)

" Minuit furorem
Vix una sospes navis-"

" One of the ships having got off scot-free
has scarcely diminished the public fury."

might find comfort in a bed-post. bent on.

without the pall oe the church.

The Neio Yo?-k Times informs us of the
misdeeds of a certain Long Island Bishop,
who, when not attending to the niggers in
his church, employs his time in white-
washing ceilings! Better, at least, than
white - washing blackamoors, an exploit
which some Northern dignitaries are

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