Punch: Punch (69.1875)

212

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 20, 1875.

THE WAR-SHIP OF THE (REMOTE) FUTURE.

Deae Punch,

I beg leave to lay before you an illustrated plan of my new invulnerable invincible breech-loading Man-of-War.
I have not submitted it to the Government of my country, much less to any foreign Btate, for the simple reason that the former would
not be likely to appreciate anything so radical, not to say "revolutionary" (the latter was the reason why the Elder-Reed-Popoff-
Circular-Turtle-Battery was objected to), while the Foreigner pays off unpatriotic Englishmen by appropriating their plans and
claiming their inventions. I shall therefore content myself for the present with registering my plan and description in your columns.

Fou will perceive that I retain the old form of a gun, with the exception of the trunnions. The mouth is plugged with a huge'explosive
shell, loaded with a compound of terribly destructive power adapted, for the first time, to practical purposes—picrate of odium ,theo-
logicum ! My boiler heat for the screw is obtained by very economical means—the consumption of Admiralty despatches, minutes, and
old Blue Books. The magazine is situated in the breech of the gun-ship, the remainder of the bore serves for the housing of the crew,
stores, &c. The great peculiarity of the ship is that if the Captain desires to strike a decisive blow, he pipes his men on deck, which is
reached through the touch-hole, and at the right moment explodes the magazine!!!

I remain, dear Punch, your obedient Servant,

Thoeottgh.

EIGHT ABOUT, PACE !

An Important Personage and an Un-Important Personage meet.
Important Personage. Lord Claud Hamilton, I believe ¥
Unimportant Personage. Yes, Mr. Punch.

Important Personage. You returned thanks for the Army at the
Loed Mayor's Dinner, I think ?

Unimportant Personage. Yes, Mr. Punch.

Important Personage. In the absence of the Authorities ?

Unimportant Personage. To quote from my speech on that occa-
sion, "In the absence of my Right Honourable friend, and also of
the Undee Seceetaet eoe Was."

Important Personage. You said it was an unenviable task to have
to return thanks for the Army. What did you mean by that ?

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. You said that the Corporation of the City
of London were the best friends the Army had. What did you mean
by that ?

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. You said that the Army were invisible at
the Dinner—" at any rate, above the cover of the table." What did
you mean by that ¥

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. In returning thanks for Her Majesty's
soldiers you talked of " what remains of the British Army." What
did you mean by that ?

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. You said that before many years were over

" you hoped wise counsels might prevail in Parliament, to restore
the British Army to what it was once—not an army existing par-
tially on paper, but an army of blood and bone." What did you
mean by that ¥

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. In fact, your speech was flippant and
superficial. What did you mean by making such a speech ?

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. Besides the knowledge acquired whilst
holding a commission in the Guards for a few months, what do you
know of the British Army ?

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. What, then, gives you a right to return
thanks for the British Army ?

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. What have you to do with the War-Office
and the Horse Guards ¥

Unimportant Personage. Nothing in particular.

Important Personage. And now, Sir, I tell you, emphatically, you
may retire ? [Exit Unimportant Personage.

The Porte's Answer to its Bondholders.

{Freely Translated from Horace.)

" Nec sumit, aut ponit ' secures'/
Arbitrio popularis auras."

It won't try to take up its bonds, or to place out its securities,
From respect for its popularity, or fear of Buss futurities!