Punch: Punch (69.1875)

22t) PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. (November 27, 1875.

A DOUBLE SUSPICION.

(GROUNDLESS, WE ARE HAPPY TO SAT, IN BOTH CASES )

THE NEW DELUGE.

'Tis the old, old story over again,

We are shower-bath'd now with perpetual rain,

Thames, Severn, and Trent conspire, and fain

Would drown our municipalities.
To the Patriarch Noah, we'd say, " Ah, no ! "
But the Sun won't come, and the rain won't go,
And the Summerless year begins to grow

A mass of dismal realities.

Now, can a fellow be jolly and gay,
And pretty things to his sweetheart say,
When " the ram it raineth every day ''

With a vicious regularity ?
Can you gladden at wit from a Lady's lip,
When the sound outside is, Drip, drip, drip!
And sciatica hath you on the hip,

And a gleam of the Sun's a rarity ?

Why, where's the fun of a merry lunch ?
(As well mere bread and bacon munch.)
And where's the radiance of Mr. Punch ? *

(As well read Doctob Ejsnealy !)
East wind making your fibres throb,
Rain like a school-girl's sulky sob,—
You drink mulled claret, and sit by your 1 ob,

And feel like a martyr, really.

" Rivers, arise ! " So Milton said.f
Fain would we have them keep their bed,
And down to the sea be safely led ;

But they bring us all the shivers—
And we cry, " 0 Member for Greenwich, please,
Having disestablished Churches and trees,
Bring us a little quiet and ease

By disestablishing rivers."

* Always there, 0 rhymer! Bead Punch, and defy rain and all other
miseries of human life,
t College Vacation Exercise : Anno cetatis undtviginti.

MUSICAL.

The questions which naturally suggest themselves to all inquiring
minds, on perusing the following advertisement from a contem-
porary—

BOARD (partial) wanted in musical family, by Young Gentleman,
where he can practise singing. Full particulars to " Music "—

are various. What sort of a voice does the Young Gentleman possess ?
Is he a tenor, a baritone, or a bass ? Will he request Maud to come
into the garden, after—a long way after^the manner of Me. Sims
Reeves ? Will he inform the musical family, in a way not at all
suggestive of Me. Santeey, that it is his wedding morning ? or
will he acquaint them, in sepulchral tones, that hearts of oak are
his ships? Does he accompany himself, or has that to be done for
him ? Does he wish to sing solos, or to join in duets with the mu-
sical daughters of the musical family? If the latter, is he good-
looking? and what are his prospects ?_ Will he practise in the
mornings, or will the evenings content him ? Will he sing in bed ?
Will he take a rest on Sundays, or will he then turn his attention to
hymns and anthems ? Does he sing French, German, Italian ? or
does he confine himself to English ? Will he promise not to sing
comic songs ? Is his partial board to include beat-up eggs, troches,
Stolbebg's invaluable lozenges, and other compounds good for the
throat ?

These questions ought to be answered; although, for our own
part, we cannot imagine a more delightful resident in the bosom of
one's family than a Young Gentleman who wants to practise singing.

" Hail to the Chief who, in Trouble, Advances."

A telegbam informs the Public that " The Uncle of the Shah of
Pebsia has arrived in Constantinople." Mr. Punch is not aware
whether the Sultan of Tubxey has an " Uncle." If he have, what
a lot of unredeemed pledges he should have on hand just now! But
what a godsend must his visit be to the Sultan in his present state
of impetuniosity, if the Commander of the Faithful has anything
left on which to raise money!