Punch: Punch (69.1875)

272 PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 25, 1875.

A GOOD JUDGE.

Elderly Party [to Lady Bountiful). "0, if you please, 'M, my 'Usband is down with the Dip-theory ; and please, 'M, the
Doctor says he must 'ave Port Wine, and it don't matter 'ow (h)old it is, Mum—in fact the (h)older the better ! !"

CIVIL AND MILITARY.

Two great and good men meet. They bow courteously to one another.
The first calls himself Punch, the second signs himself George.
They converse.

Punch. My dear George, I am glad to give you my opinion—
that was a very sensible speech in the City you made a few days ago.
George. Thank you, Sir.

Punch. In the course of your remarks, you alluded to the
Uniform Question.

George. No offence, I hope, Sir ?

Punch. Certainly not. You said you were proud of your cloth.
George. So I am, Sir.

Punch. That you were not ashamed of appearing in uniform.
George. I am not, Sir.

Punch. And yet you awarded as a punishment to a silly Sub.,
convicted of practical joking the other day, the compulsory wear-
ing of uniform for a year.

George. My mistake, Sir.

Punch. You admit that the wording of the order was so clumsy,
that it was calculated to cause misconception ?
George. Certainly, Sir.

Punch. I trust the mistake will not occur again, my dear George.
George. It shall not, Sir.

Punch. Of course you must feel, as a good soldier, that Her
Majesty's uniform is an honour to its wearer.
George. Certainly, Sir.

Punch. You cannot be too careful in future, then, to avoid any-
thing that may seem, however remotely, to past a slur on that
uniform. And now we will say no more about it.

George. You are very kind, Sir.

Punch. Not at all. I will detain you no longer, as I am sure you
must be anxious to return to your Mobilisation Scheme. I have
nothing more to say at present.

George. Thank you, Sir. [Military salute, and exit.

THE CYNIC'S CAEOL.

Christmas comes but once a year;

Happy that twice it cometh not:
For sirloin is uncommon dear,

And dear the pudding in the pot; _
And floods are out, and rooms are chill,
And every morning brings a bill.

That plant yclept the mistletoe^
To me by no means pleasant is :

My daughters underneath it go
To meet a detrimental kiss,

From one who nothing hath a year,

And liveth in the street called Queer.

My parson preacheth straight at me,
My wine merchant sends claret sour,

My stocks are down to thirty-three,
My stockbroker won't wait an hour ;

My boys, escaped scholastic swish,

Take from the larder what they wish.

"Well, life has consolations still:
Locked in my study, far away

From riots that my household fill,
I pass a calm, if cheerless day—

Thankful, as bed-time draweth near,

That Christmas comes but once a year.

Dog-Days in December.

The community of Dog-Fanciers express themselves uncommonly
gratified with the exhibition of their favourite creatures held last
week at the Alexandra Palace. Its local aptitude appears to have
tickled the canine 1' Fancy," from what they say. '' Such a natural
place for a Dog-Show—Muzzle Hill."

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 30, Loraine Road, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Asnew, & Co., Jjomoaid
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No. 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.—SiroaDAi, December io, 1870.