Punch: Punch (69.1875)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

January 8, 1876.]

But I can't tell you half the tale-
How, when they got ashore,

The kind, good women kissed and hugged,
And stript the clothes they wore,

To wrap the boys, as mothers will—
Or what is mothers for ?

There was a little soldier lad

His shipmates come to see,
He's gone, and some half-dozen more,

And Masteb Wheelee, he
Is with them little lads in Heaven—

All rated there A.B.

291

As long as English workhouse lads
Work up to such good stuff,

Britannia still will rule the waves—
Though here and there a muff

At Whitehall, or afloat, may make
Old John Bull cut up rough!

GOOD RESOLUTIONS FOR 1876.

The Pope has resolved to invite the King
of Italy to spend a few days with him in
the Vatican.

The Sultan has resolved on energy, eco-
nomy, and reform.

The Ruleb oe Egypt has resolved to take
England as his model.

The Spaniards have resolved to give over
fighting amongst themselves.

The Irish have resolved to desist from
agitation.

The Ultramontanes have resolved to cease
troubling the world.

The Clergy of the Established Church
have resolved to forget their differences,
(and the Burials Bill), and to unite in
grappling with vice, ignorance, misery, and
crime.

Me. Gladstone ha3 resolved to return to
political life.

Me. Disbaeli has resolved to reform
the administration of the Navy; and to
be most careful, for the future, in his
I selections for Chief Commissionerships and
other important appointments.

The Fibst Lobd oe the Admibalty
has resolved to join a Man-of-War, for a
course of instruction in practical naviga-
tion ; and afterwards to enter one of the
Dockyards to acquire some knowledge of
shipbuilding.

The new Peers have resolved to show
their gratitude by the most assiduous de-
votion to their legislative duties—attending
every sitting of the House of Lords, and
remaining to the close of the proceedings,
even though they should be protracted to
so late a period in the evening as twenty
minutes to seven.

The Government have resolved to in-
crease the salaries of the Civil Service.

The Leaders of Fashion have resolved
to set the example of dressing with more
taste and less extravagance.

The Responsible Authorities have resolved
to keep the streets clean.

The Railways have resolved to be
punctual and accommodating.

The Trustees of the British Museum
and National Gallery have resolved to
throw those splendid Institutions open to
the Public six days in the week.

The Members of the Royal Academy have
resolved not to give good places to their
own productions, unless they deserve them.

Certain Newspapers have resolved not to
devote so much space and attention to sen-
sational crime.

Oar Domestic Servants have resolved to
stay at least six months in their '' situa-
tions" without trying to better themselves.

Our butchers, bakers, dustmen, fish-
mongers, greengrocers, lamplighters, milk-
men, oilmen, turncocks, &c, have resolved
to discontinue asking for Christmas Boxes.

bee natural.

The new rival of the ancient fame of
the Singing Mouse, the Industrious Flea,
the Whistling Oyster, and the Learned Pig,
is, evidently,—the Spelling Bee.

The Lobd Mayob's " Calico Ball."—
) Clearly a Ball of Cotton.

A MESSAGE FROM THE SEA!

he following letter, covered with sea-weed
and barnacle3, has found its way to'85, Fleet
Street. In its original state it contained

some strong expres-
sions of indigna-
tion, which have
been omitted; and
the salt-water slang
in which it first
abounded has been
toned down. With
these exceptions,
the letter is printed
as written:—

The Bed of the
Ocean, Ne w
Year's Bay, 1876.

Ship ahoy, John Bull !

You will be surprised to
hear from me, Shipmate, I
will be bound ; but when
things come to be as bad
as they are now, it is time
to speak out pretty plainly,
and so here goes.
You have been complaining a long time of your
Admiralty. You have said that they don't know how
to handle British ships ; and, certainly, from the
specimens that have been sent below for me to look
at, I think you are not far out. You have been
kicking up a row, too, about infernal machines with
clockwork inside of 'em, and " water rats " and " coal
torpedoes," and suchlike villains' tools, but you sit
quietly as may be when hundreds of sailors' lives are being
wasted by land-lubbers who care for nothing but greedy
gain. You are horrified out of your senses when a devil in
human form like Thomas sends a ship to the bottom at sea
or blows to fragments a crowd on land, and yet you permit
vessel after vessel to leave your shores loaded with gun-
powder, paramne, and matches huddled together anyhow.
^ ^ ^ k To show you what I mean, I send you a cutting from a

paper I found upon the body of a dead sailor. And if it
don't make you blush, Mate, up to the very roots of
your hair, why, hang me, it ought!—

"The danger to which vessels are exposed by the careless storing of gunpowder has been brought
under the notice of the Underwriters' Associations in the different Colonies by Captain Harvey, of the
ship Altcar. He thus describes the mode of stowage in his own vessel:—'The stowage consists in
dropping the various packages into any opening or crevice that presents itself. The powder in my vessel
consisted of 400 barrels and 24 cases, and was placed in the main hatchway and on both sides of the same,
among a general cargo, consisting of wines, spirits, oils, paint, matches, rod and bar iron, &c. The
hatches were then secured, and nothing more was seen until arrival. We had the usual amount of
heavy weather during the voyage. Upon opening the hatches in presence of surveyor, we found the
powder adrift, and some eight barrels and three eases smashed. In consequence, daily during our
discharge we have been sweeping and packing up powder from amid the iron, &c, it—the loose powder-
having reached down even to the skin of the ship. Now, any practical man will perceive we have been
momentarily exposed to explosion, more especially from the friction of the iron, and have been most
mercifully spared from an imminent and deadly peril. In carrying powder for the Government it is
placed in a magazine specially prepared, into which not a particle of iron is allowed to enter. I begged
for one in London, but was not listened to by the charterers. While I am writing we all regret the
non-appearance of the Strathmore, a new vessel, with some 90 souls on board. Being informed that she
carried 30 tons of powder, and judging from my experience, I—and I shall rejoice to find I am wrong-
never expect to see her again.' "

There now, what do you say to that? How do you expect to get sailors, if you treat
them like that, eh ?

I tell you what it is, Messmate, if you don't clear the decks for action, and that,
too, pretty sharply, you will find me giving you up in disgust, and where would you be
then r

I don't pretend to know much about lawyer's lingo (I hate landsharks), but in the time
ot my sons Dbake, and St. Yincent, and Nelson, "carelessness " used to be spelt " crime."
You are getting rid of your masts as fast as you can with your iron-clads and steam-power,
but surely you ought to be able to find a yardarm and a rope somewhere. And when you
nave found a rope and a yardarm somewhere, why you take my advice—use 'em ?

Yours, almost speechless with indignation,

Neptune

To John Bull, care of Bbitannia, Mistress of the Seas.