Punch: Punch (70.1876)

46

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 12, 1876.

death questions of Drink and Drinking. May you bo "blessed with
wisdom to deal with them.

Local Taxation, Merchant Shipping', and other topics of pressing-
importance will amply occupy your attention. I trust, therefore,
you will sternly discountenance personal squabbles, Hibernian
obstructiveness, and any attempt at intrusion and insolence on the
part of a nuisance to which you were far too lenient last year.

Do not waste time at the beginning of the Session; be concise and
to the point in your speeches; intelligible and straightforward in
your answers to questions; original in your quotations ; think more
of your country and less of your party; more of the Division bell
and less of the dinner ditto.

Assuring you of my intention at once to resume the chronicle of
your triumphs and defeats, your blunders and successes, your sense
and your nonsense, in my illustrations and "Essence," I now
dismiss you to the labours of a Session, which I cannot conceal from
ymi must be of more than ordinary length, seeing this is Bissextile
or Leap Year, and that February will therefore have twenty-nine
instead of twenty-eight days.

CULINARY SCHOLARSHIPS.

" The Society of Arts lately founded five scholarships entitling the holders
thereof to free instruction in the National Training School of Cookery ; and
these honours will be competed for on the 12th of this month at South
Kensington."

'E believe we break no eon-
fljieu.ee in stating that the
following were for some
reason omitted from the
questions to the candi-
dates : —

If the wages of a Cook
are £30 a-year, how much,
in addition, may she'expect
as perquisites ?

Supposing that you took
a situation where no
kitchen-maid is kept, what
extra wages would you ask
for lighting your own fires ?

How many pounds of
stock meat would you re-
quire to make three plate-
fuls of sou}) maigre ?

State the market-price
of dripping, and give a
table of its fluctuations
during the past twelve
months.

Do you consider it is one
of the privileges of a Cook
to imitate in Sunday dress
tJz-O^^ =^§5gg§|x^pj^x the costumes of her mis-

tress ?

If you chanced to have a handsome cousin in the Police, what
would be your usual course in dealing with cold mutton ?

State your method of procedure in (1) boiling a potato, (2) cooking
a beefsteak, and (3) making melted butter.

A HINT FEOM THE HOUB.

Me. Punch, ever on the qui rive to pick up anything that may be
worth picking up, lately picked up the Hour, and feels grateful
to Me. MacDougall for his list of " Unanswered Questions," with
the motto, " Gutta carat lapidem, non vi, sed scepe cadcnclo," and
the intimation that '' These questions will appear daily in this
column until answered by those whom they concern." Of course
they are the most disagreeable questions that the querist's know-
ledge of the sore or shady places in the past of the queried, or the
weak joints in their armour, personal or financial, can suggest.

Though the motive for asking such questions may, as a rule, be
questionable, still such curiosity may have its public uses ; and Mr.
Punch, hoping that the method has not been patented, proposes, for
once, himself to apply it, in the hope thereby to elicit some informa-
tion of use to the public, and not as yet sought by Me. MacDottgall,
no doubt as lying beyond his special field of inquiry.*'

* As Mr. flinch has more demands on his space than he can possibly
supply, he will be unable to publish his Questions more than once. He must
therefore respectfully request the parties interrogated to answer bis inquiries
with the least possible delay, as otherwise his readers will, he fears, take the
liberty of answering them for themselves.

Persons who could, if
they would, answer.

The Sultan.

The Head of the
Turkish Exchequer.

The Representatives
at the Court of St.
James's of Turkey,
Honduras, Costa
Rica, Paraguay
&c, &c.

Her Majesty's
Ministers.

Ditto.

Suhject.

Count Andrassy's
Circular.

Turkish Bonds.
Foreign Loans.

Right Hon. "Waed
Hunt.

Ditto.

Right Hon. W. E.
Gladstone.

Slave Circular.

Suez Canal.

Question.

Vanguard, Iron
Duke, Alberta,
Mistletoe, and
other subjects of
accident.
National
Indignation.

Recreations of Ex
Ministers.

Prince Bismarck.

The King of Italy.

The Pope.

The Marquis op
Rlpon.

G. E. Manning, Rec-
tor of St. Petroc.

Richard Banner
Oakley.

The

French Indemnity,

His Future.

Peter's Pence.

Mge. Nardi's Let
ter to the Voce
delta Verita.
Unchristian
Jealousy.

Co-operative
Deposit Bank.

What is likely to be the
result of making good
political resolutions, and
not keeping them ?
How long are the coupon-
holders likely to get half
thlr interest ? ^,.-Z.~
When do the countries you
represent expect to float
any more Loans in. Eng-
land, and at what' do
you value the chances of
such floatation, having
regard to the time re-
quired for the investing
Public to forget their
latest experience ?
To whose Happy Thought
is this bright and suc-
cessful document really
due ?

Are you looking forward
with pleasurable anxiety
to the interrogations of
the Opposition on this
question, and are you
quite clear that your
bargain will hold
water ?
What peculiar qualifica-
tions does a Naval Officer
require to. guarantee him
against liability to
Court-Martial ?
What pressure of _ public
dissatisfaction is re-
quired to produce prac-
tical conviction of the
duty of resignation ?
Which is the most eleva-
ting employment for a
great Statesman—Lead-
ing a great national
party, or helping the
circulation of second-
class periodicals, and
answering letters from
young men engaged
in mercantile pursuits,
and old women of both
sexes ?
How comes it that Ger-
many, after nobbling
two hundred millions of
war indemnity, is poorer
than France after paying
it?

Where do you expect to
go to, if you don't get
absolution, and how
much do you suppose
you will get it for, and
don't you wish you may
get it r

Who takes care of these
pence, and are there any
Peter's pounds that take
care of themselves ?
In a pious fraud, where
does the piety stop and
the fraud commence ?
What title are Anglican
P.P.'s to take now that
of "Reverend" is dese-
crated by lawful ap-
plication to Dissenting
Ministers ?
How many widows and
orphans must a scoun-
drel ruin before he is
financially successful ?