Punch: Punch (70.1876)

116 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 25, 1876.

EN PASSANT.

"Rather remarkable, ain't it, Sir? But 'aye you iieyer noticed as
mostly all the places on this llne begins with a ' h ' ? "
" Aw—'beg your Pardon ?"

" Look at 'em ! — 'Ampstead, 'Ighqate, 'Ackney, 'Omerton, 'Endon,
'Arrow, 'Olloway, and 'Ornsey ! "

THE ANGLO-DUTCH PROTEST.

{See " Wrongs of Our Natives."—Punch, March 18.)

Dear Punch,

We nope, in this Metropolis,

They play no tricks of Calicopolis :

We, Anglo-Dutchmen, dare to say,

We are of real use to-day ;

Not to you, only, Mr. Punch,

Who, having had your oyster-lunch,

Resolve it into purest pearls

For thoughtful men and laughing girls.

We cry, " Come ; eat us! Let the best,

Who boast the natives' choicest zest,

Awhile beneath the ocean rest.

Without pretending to be equal,

Eat us, meantime, and wait the sequel."

Once, if we credit Roman stories,

Ceteris ostriosior oris

Was all the pleasant ocean-marge

Where Latian epicures at large,

Enjoyed a British oyster-supper,

When Horace reigned instead of Tupper.

But oh the oysters, night and day,

Eaten, since C^,sar came this way!

Since men at midnight, growing boisterous,

Swore that Olympus was an oyster-house,

That Hermes opened bivalves well,

And always in the concave shell;

That Zeus, almighty self-refector,

When eating them abjured his nectar,

Thought Ganymede a clumsy lout,

And wisely called for London stout.

Natives no longer are abundant;

We, by comparison, redundant,

Not caring, though witb scorn you treat us,

" Come, ope," we cry, " come, ope, and eat us ! "

Trust not the men who, fond of " sells,"

Will put us into Native shells;

But gulp us in an honest way,

And, having done it, you will say,

" 'Twere wiser to grant breathing time,

For natives to regain their prime,

Nor while we spare them, scorn too much

The plump and modest Anglo-Dutch."

The doings of Mancestrian folk

Are, we admit, beyond a joke,

But we are not in league with such men :

We 're good, fresh, honest

Anglo-Dutchmen.

What Oxford Questions. — Whether the way to
supply sins of omission be by sins of Commission ?

Then she stops, and speaks, before releasing him.

" You'd better stay as you are. For montbs you have been ' off
your head.' Your parishioners will be glad to hear you are on it
again. Tell me what's your friend's name."

Tommy, having righted himself once more, produces from his
pockets a pickled cabbage, some ices in brown paper, a bottle of
ginger-beer, two jam tarts, and a sausage-roll. These he offers to
Bella.

"I thought;" stammers the timorous little man, "I once heard
you say you liked them."

She puts them aside, and repeats her question—" Tell me his
name ? "

He answers, " Dusover Beuambe."
"What is he?"
" A Captain."

" A Captain ! I shall go out for a drive with him."
" Good Heavens! " I exclaim.

" My dear Miss Bella," says Tommy, nervously, drawing out one
long expostulatory note on his concertina, and twisting round slowly
on one leg, as he sings, in a high, but not positively unmusical
voice, "What will Mamma say p What will Papa say? Oh my,
fie for shame ! What will Mam-"

But a mischievous, tormenting look flashes into Bella's grey eyes.

" Take off your coat and hat! " says the wilful girl, in a calm,
determined tone, to Tommy; who stands aghast—"Take off your
coat, hat, waistcoat, and white tie! I am going for a drive with
Captain Dusover Beljambe ! "

{To be continued.)

WHAT IT SEEMS LIKELY TO COME TO.

The Lords Commissioners of Her Majesty's Treasury contemplate
the opening of Westminster Hall as a Skating Rink, for the use of
Members of both Houses, the Bench, and the Bar.
" The Dean and Chapter of St. Paul's hope shortly to be able to
announce the opening of their new Skating Rink, in the Cathedral
crypt, for the use of Bishops, Priests, and Deacons.

Loggia and box-holders at the Albert Hall, who have converted
their property into private Rinks, are requested to abstain from
skating during the few remaining Concerts which will take place
before a Bill is applied for to authorise the adaptation of the. Hall
as a Metropolitan Rink for the use of the British Public.

The President and Academicians of the Royal Academy of Arts
beg to inform Exhibitors that their entrance cards will admit them
to the new Art Rink, to be constructed in the courtyard of Burlington
House previous to the opening of the Exhibition.

The Zoological Society is about to turn the Fish House into a
Skating Rink. Lessons will be given by the Polar Bears.

Conservative Notions.

It is understood that, should the sanction of Parliament be given
to'the Ministerial proposal of adding the new and foreign denomi-
nation of Empress to Her Majesty's old English title of Queen,
Mr. Disraeli will shortly ask the House of Commons to vote a sum
of money for the purpose of whitewashing Westminster Abbey.